Am i out of order?

Question

My husband came back real late from the pub last night,he gets later and later each week, when i asked him why, he flipped and said that he was not doing anything wrong and i was out of order for questioning him. in the past i used to stay out late sometimes and he had a real go at me for it(years ago), but i havent done this for ages. He says that because i used to do it i shouldnt moan. We have four Children together, and also twice a year he goes on lads weekends away, and he works such long hours that sometimes i feel like a single parent! I always feel i come bottom on his list of priorities. Whenever i try to talk to him about it he either just smirks at me or tells me that i am being pathetic. Its not like i never go out, but when i do the children are nearly always with me. Do you think i am being too demanding or selfish?

Answer 1

no. guilty people usually rattle the most and are more defensive. he needs to make a decision whether he really wants to be married w/kids or not, and let you move on. YOU need to be thinking about that as well!!!

Answer 2

No!! There has got to be give and take on both sides of a relationship and if he is getting angry and smirking when you try to talk to him , then he is not considering your feelings at all. You say he goes for a lads weekend away so why don't you suggest you go away for the weekend with your girlfriends and he can stay with the kids. Also you can suggest that on his nights out that you get a babysitter and go out with your girlfriends and meet up with him somewhere later on. Also do you ever go out anywhere together? Can the kids stay over with Grandparents or other family and the two of you could get a room in a hotel or even one of the travel lodges as there rooms are also nice and inexpensive. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Wake up love and realise that something is wrong in your relationship. If I were you I would not stand for this. When you are in a relationship you are not joined at the hip and you do need your own space - but come on! Why don't you ask him if you can join him on his night at the pub? Get a babysitter or even better make an arrangement for you both that will involve the whole family. You are a good Mum but you still need some YOU time. If you can't get through to him then turn the tables and tell him that you wanna go out without the kids and he needs to be a father to them and look after them. You are certainly not selfish or demanding. He is the selfish one and he needs to be made to understand that things need to change. If they don't change - give him and ultimatum. Don't be so reliable for him!
Look after YOU love and fulfill your needs too.
Best of luck - I really hope that it works out for your and your kids.

Answer 4

NO, I don't think that you are being to demanding or selfish. I know what you mean by feeling like a single parent. My husband goes out straight from work then comes home late at night. The children get to see him in the morning. I've voiced my opinion plenty of times and it goes in one of his ears and goes out the other. Or, he tells me oh I don't know why I do it. There's times that he doesn't even come home at all. There are several times where I just wish we'd win the lottery or get a awesome job; that way I don't have to depend on him. The children are always with me as well. I used to go out all the time too, but that was before I had children and before I got married. As a matter of fact, he was the one who took me out if I was not out with my friends. Does he take me out now? NO!! Men don't realize that Women need more then just a quickie here and a quickie there. Your not the one who is selfish or demanding.

Answer 5

I really do feel for you even though I havnt been there I have a girlfriend going through the exact same thing actually I could almost swear you were her. If he thinks you are out of order ask him to sit with the children and you go out for a few nights and when he asks you the so called demanding question kindly remind him of lasts nights comments and see what he has to say. Try to keep calm though because the guilty ones are usually the ones that explode. GOOD LUCK :o)

Answer 6

Seems like a jerk to me... And no you aren't over-reacting...

Marriage and parenthood is a partnership, both helping the other out and making allowances for things... So if he goes out twice a week to the pub, then you should have an opportunity to have some "you" time twice a week... Pub with the girls, gym, yoga, whatever...

If he goes on lads weekends, then you should get a girls weekend... Trip to Amsterdam??? ;)

Only fair... I think you should assess whether this marriage is actually working and where it breaks down, you should see about making ultimatums... :D

Answer 7

God some people on this site are pathetic - If you cant answer a question sensibly then why bother.

You poor thing. Some people have suggested maybe he's having an affair, but I just reckon he's onto a good thing with going out, and because you have laid down and taken for so long he now thinks he is entitled. Childcare is a TEAM EFFORT! I think you shoudl just plana night out, and tell him he is staying in with the kids. It will cause a row, but dont rise to it, you wont be doing anything wrong.

My husband gets like this sometimes. The worst thing is that he KNOWS he is being unreasonable, and also loses respect for me when I give in. if you stand up for yourself he'll eventually shut up, although prepare yourself for a row in the mean time!

Good luck!

Answer 8

You are just sensing correct what is behind all this manoeuvre. You are too good to let him go to pubs and come any time he wants. He just creating very dull excuses to satisfy his arrogant behaviour. I guess you should show him that enough is enough. Seriously you need also to check about his long working hours if they exist or not. Something has to be done before it's too late.

Answer 9

Sorry hun but ur husband sounds like a tit....and from his actions he looks likes hes having his cake and eating it....(if u know what i mean)...hes got u at home with the kids with u probley doining all the domestic chores..while he is going out and enjoying himself. i understand he works long hours but he is still finding time to go out and i get the feeling he is only bring up u going out late in te past.... to justify his own actions....all this behaviour alone is bad enough ....at the end of the day u dont want ur kids to see this and thing this is acceptable to be a live in maid!

Answer 10

he is a selfish pig ! and their are plenty of them out there. I have been in yr shoes and left him several times but always came back with promises of going to change and always reverted back until I went beserk last time and told him to get out I wasnt taking my kids anywhere and my brother would be over to help him move , we now spend more time together as a family and more important together at night which was were our problem was in his option so by upping our sexy nights abit he wanted to stay in with me instead of being pissed all the time and staying out. - Good luck I hope your struggle ends well.

Answer 11

You're not out of order; he's using the past to justify todays behavior...

Here's what a friend of mine did to her beligerant husband once.
Call up one of your girlfriends that has a place for you to hang out.

Next time he goes out...after you put the kids to bed...get dressed up really nice. Don't spare the perfume.
When he staggers in....pat his cheek and say
"Taaaah - don't wait up for me. It's my turn."

And go spend the night at your girlfriends house.

His nightly journeys to the pub ended and became a Friday night event...to which she was always invited.

His weekends out with the lads ended. He told me once he just new she would take a sex holiday to Jamaica and that would be the end of him.

good luck!