Why are americans so cold and formal with their own parents and siblings?

Question

It seems as if the only relationship that is valued by americans is friends and marriage. And maybe parent-child, while the kids are still kids, once they become adults even thats taken for granted.

In adulthood many americans are so distant from their own parents and siblings. Whats up? Why are americans so desperate to get their siblings and parents out of their life so they can have a "life of their own"? I mean in India aunts are considered second mothers and our brothers and sisters are always welcome in our home even after we're grown up and married. In america on the other hand siblings have their "own" families. Isn't it common knowledge that siblings, even in adulthood, when they are married, are of the same family?

So why are Americans so cold towards their own family? Why the obsession with breaking away?

I mean think about it the rest of the world takes care of their own parents while americans put them in homes.

Answer 1

I find that unfortunate that you would think so. Nothing could be further from the truth in my family. We always kiss and hug, I tell my parents I love them on the street, so do my siblings and their children. We are demonstrative in public with hugs and kisses too. I was always told "I love you" as a child. Many of the families I know in Wisconsin are the same. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong state? Or maybe you really need to get out of the city.... Have a good one! :)

Answer 2

The adulthood distance that you are generally talking about is geographical, not personal distance. My mother lives in a different city, yet we talk everyday. I stay in touch with my siblings often also, we care about each other's children, etc. Holidays are always spent together. Maybe the closest thing I relate to in this question is breaking away would apply to teenager to adulthood, but that is just wanting to live on their own, not because they despise there parents, but to be independent, and in our culture, a 30 yr old child still living at home, no job, no contributions to the household is frown upon. They have been raised to obtain education, college, and hopefully career oriented, so they may be able to support their children when they get married and become parents.

Answer 3

Some comments here are true, it is not only americans, a lot of europeans act that way also. I would combine Funbucket's answer with Kaplah's accounts of how she sees a family to make the perfect answer to your question. As a latin american, I understand completely Kaplah's feelings. And as a sociologist I totally agree with Funbucket's explanation. And to Americans: don't feel bashed, or interpret that this is an unfair generalisation. It is just people from other cultures trying to understand the roots of this behaivour in americans. You have to admit that these are the values promoted by MOST (of course there are exceptions everyhwere), by the laws, by the mass media, in schools. Then, what else can you expect from this society? Maybe what you call success is right for you, but wrong for other cultures. Erich Fromm I think pointed this out very clearly when he analysis contemporary societies. He asks if we are now defining ourselves for what we are or for what (material things) we have?? In my culture, it is very common for families to be close and rather those who go apart are looked upon as strange. It is also true that we fight a lot. We are very passionate, can be very jealous, and sometimes scream in our faces. But the link is always there, whenever someone is in need, we close our eyes and say "he is my brother/sister/mother/father, after all" . then we forget anything ever happened and run to help. I have seen american families drift apart for years, or decades and never, ever talk to each other again! it makes me sad, but maybe this is their happiness?? who knows. BTW, I lived in the U.S. for seventeen years (was practically raised there since I was ten months old, and never, never adapted to the american way or values).

Answer 4

I,m from the south so I can't speak for the north but I know I'm very close to my parents and siblings. i would never put my parents in a nursing home. It is probably like that for some people though because they get caught up in their own lives and lose touch with people close to them. In america also sometimes people choose to live in different areas of the country now and lose touch. It's not like it used to be as far as families staying together.

Answer 5

Its not just Americans that are this way, and it isn't all Americans either,there are other cultures that do same thing, do not single them out, as there are many other cultures that do much worse - like for instance some of Mediterranean cultures still look upon mental illnesses as a taboo subject and will more often than not abandon them as it brings shame to the family to have one so 'crazy'. Some western cultures are still very family orientated, it all really depends on how you are raised, and what kind of life you live, it also has alot to do with the way modern western society is, I'd like to say that most of us love to have our families around us in later years, and that parents are still mostly loved and respected in their elderly years, and that many still care for their parents until death, it isn't always what you are seeing on the television, maybe its worth a visit to the western cultures before you have the right to comment?

Answer 6

Americans are not the only ones "guilty" of distancing themselves from their parents and siblings when they get married, a lot of Western European countries are very similar in that aspect.

I think it's to show the separation between a "child" mentality and an "adult" mentality, showing that you can survive on your own away from your relatives who have taken care of you for the first part of your life is a sign of maturity and "adulthood". Also, it gives married couples a chance to focus most/all of their attention on their own families to take care of them.

Natural cycle.

Answer 7

It's not cold. Americans value personal success and independence. Unlike many other countries.. in America, when one reaches adulthood they are expected to strike out on their own and see what they can make of themselves. It is looked upon negatively (as a failure) when an adult lives at home with his/her family. I know in many countries you are expected to live at home until marriage and even beyond as a family that cares for each other.
There are positives and negatives to both philosophies...You should be more open-minded to other ways of life. Your view of American families is rather harsh. Of course they are of the same family in adulthood and the relationship is highly valued.

Answer 8

You've never been around my family. We taught our children to love and respect each other. All of my grandchildren are closer than most brothers and sisters. They all have families of their own now, but I know that they will continue to care deeply about each other.

If anyone in our family needs help, all of the others are right there for them. All of their spouses understand this, and most of them consider themselves to be a part of our family as well. Like most Americans, we believe that each individual should be free to grow and develop on his or her own, but within the context of the love and support of our family.

Answer 9

America has developed, beginning w/ the industrial revolution, a production-driven, individual-goal-oriented mind-set. Our concerns are no longer focused on family stability or the wisdom held by the previous generations. Until a hundred years ago or so it would be regular to find three or four generations living in the same house, or farm. Success has gone from family-oriented objectives to individual production value. The more you can make or do the more valuable you are. .........
Capitalism at it's best............. .

Answer 10

And in your vast experience with the rest of the world. Have gone to Japan? Russia? Or several European nations For you to say All Americans are ___________ Would be just like me saying that All Indians are_____________ And thats just wrong. Have a nice day,