Dating divorce parents with kids?

Question

I have been seeing this woman for about 5 months. We got close really fast. We both came from a 12 year marriage and we both have 2 kids. Everybody gets along for the most part(kids) when they are together. They dont spent alot of time together because we live about 1 hour apart. Most of the time when me and her are together the kids are with the other parent. When me and her kids are together we get along great. We have alot of fun. We get out and do things. But for some reason when they go to there dads, they tell him stuff like they want to live with him because they are not happy and we dont get along(me and her kids). But when they come back home we get along great. They tell him lies like I yelled at them when we were camping and stuff like that. Which I didnt. Her and her kids got into a big fight because she was on the phone with me the other day. The older one said thats all you care about is him and said I want to go live with my dad(she has heard this a few times before) So

So she packed there bags and called there dad to pick them up. Now he has not gotten them alot since the divorce. Now he is trying to play super dad and change his job around(he couldnt do this before to help her with the kids.I know kids always want to live with the other parent b/c they think it will be better. Did she do the right thing? I need some opinions on this. Can this all work? We have fell deap in love with each other. We clicked from the start. We both want the same thing out of life. I know we were meant to be together. We have talked about getting married at the end of the year. I just dont know what to do or how to deal with all of this. We have dicided that when she has her kids that they will not come around me for awhile even though they ask to see me all the time. I really need some advice here. Thanks in advance.

I only see these kids maybe 1 to 2 days aweek. We try to spend time together when the kids are not around.

We have sat the kids down and talked to them and they say ever thing is fine. We told them if that have worriers to come to us and let us know. We told them we dont want them to keep anything from there dad but atleast tell him the truth. My kids are fine. I think they really love this woman.

Answer 1

first off keeping you and them apart is not a good idea, let them see and observe you if they seek you out then interact but for the most part just be a presence for a bit. they need to size you up and test you out, their dad in their eyes failed and left so they feel that its possible you could do the same.their mom and you need to stand united dont avoid or work around the kids so much instead make them being around the two of an option, they saw mom and dad tense with each other and need to see that you two are not the same as mom and dad were. letting them go to dad is neither right or wrong, the only issue is will dad let them come back to mom if the kids so choose or will he fight to keep them in order to hurt mom. the kids may also resent someone taking moms time and attention after having her to themselves, when they asked for her she was there now sometimes they have to ask for dad since mom is with you, that is something that will work out, sharing mom, as they get used to a solid family unit. when parens split the mom or dad who has the kids will form a united front "them against the world" since they have to work so hard to keep it all together and its hard to trust anyone and let them join the cause but have faith they will come around and it will be all of you against the world.

Answer 2

Dating divorce parents with kids?
I have been seeing this woman for about 5 months. We got close really fast. We both came from a 12 year marriage and we both have 2 kids. Everybody gets along for the most part(kids) when they are together. They dont spent alot of time together because we live about 1 hour apart. Most of the time when me and her are together the kids are with the other parent. When me and her kids are together we get along great. We have alot of fun. We get out and do things. But for some reason when they go to there dads, they tell him stuff like they want to live with him because they are not happy and we dont get along(me and her kids). But when they come back home we get along great. They tell him lies like I yelled at them when we were camping and stuff like that. Which I didnt. Her and her kids got into a big fight because she was on the phone with me the other day. The older one said thats all you care about is him and said I want to go live with my dad(she has heard this a few times before) So

Answer 3

Hi... I can give you the kid's perspective: My parents divorced when my brother and I were younger and we stayed living with our dad growing up. He remarried to a woman with 2 children of her own. The first couple of years were hard as we got to know each other. I found that so long as the parents, ALL of the adults worked at being mature and showing unconditional love towards ALL us kids, I was okay. I feared conflict amongst the adults, I did not want to have to "choose" between parents. I got used to my new siblings over time with the help of my parents and it all worked out really well as we got older. I think it is so important that YOU be happy in your relationship and be sure the kids see that... ALL of them. I always wanted both my biological mom and dad to ultimately be happy. When I grew older and realized they did what they needed to do to be happy in their lives, realizing that MY thoughts and feelings were well taken into consideration by them... it meant the world of difference for me!

Answer 4

the kids are just having trouble adjusting to a new guy in their mom's life. their mom should talk to them individually about how they really feel about what is going on, and you may want to talk to them as well. tell them that you want for you guys to get along and you have no intention of taking their mom away from them or replacing their dad. and if they ever have a problem with you, they should come and talk to you. also check in with your kids to make sure they are okay.

Answer 5

What a train wreck and they see you happy and don't want to spoil that so they tell how they truly feel to the other parent. You have violated your marriage trust, you have violated your kids trust YOU want this woman YOU BOTH ARE THINKING OF YOURSELVES FIRST! Try realizing it's not all about you.

Answer 6

I was one of those kids that did that stuff. They probably like you, but they like their mom more and when they see you guys close, they may think there will be less time for them.

Answer 7

make sure you both understand that the children are evil demons most of the time. And nothing they do can break you two up. leave them children do their own thing, don't be aways looking for their approval.