My wife and I were married just a month ago. Things are getting off to a rocky start. She is very controlling. She has to know where I am,what I am doing, and who I am with ALL THE TIME! She thinks that I am mad at her all the time and cries all the time. One day she threatened to kill me. (AFter two weeks of marriage!) My sex drive is gone, I don't want to make love to someone who is like this. I love her with all my heart, but think that I made a mistake a month ago. I know divorce is against the Bible, but I don't see a way out. I posted a message a couple days ago also, about this. There is more information in it. It is located under love and romance. Please help me. We need help. I have asked her to go to counseling, but she refuses. Our pre marital counseling was in January and I asked her to go back a month before the wedding and she refused. I need your help PLEASE!
2006-06-08 23:52:51 · 19 answers · asked by Ben S 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
This happened to my husband and I also. Exactly, almost word for word. Look. She wants to know where you are and what you are doing because she loves you sooo much... more than anything in the world... she can't bear to be without you and so when you are not around her the devil starts making her insecure and making her think there could be things going on. AND that doesn't neccissarily mean cheating. He could be telling her that she's not good enough for you, or that you could do better, or that you want out, or that you can't stand being with her. So many different possibilities. As far as her thinking that you are mad at her all of the time. The SAME thing happened at the SAME time with us when we first got married. I was always crying and always scared that he was mad at me for something... Even though he wasn't. He started getting really freaked out and the same thing happened to him. He lost his sex drive because of it. Which on my end made it worse because I thought that he didn't love me anymore because woman use sex with her husband that she loves with all of her heart as a way to feel close to him and for her to get the feelings of love from him. The threats are normal! No matter what ANYBODY says... they are all normal... Divorce, this, that... NORMAL!! I don't think that you should divorce her. We had a lot of struggles with the same thing .. EXACT same thing. and we have been married HAPPILY married for 2 years now. DON'T DIVORCE HER! Especially if you love her. As far as counceling goes... I didn't want to go either. It's just a hit to my pride to know that I have to get counceling from somebody else about something that is supposed to be mine to control and make all better. If you or her wants to talk to me or my hubby email us... it's hurleybabeprincess20@yahoo.com... seriously...
Don't listen to these other idiots.... I would love to talk with her...
NO marriage is perfect. And you always have to take time and extra effort to make things work. Make sure that you go to church regularly... and make sure that the church that you go to is a good church. You can ask your wife if you can talk to the pastor on your own time about it personally... you will know by what the pastor tells you... if he is called to the ministry. There will NEVER be a divorce option if he is. The Bible is specific on the reasons for divorce. You don't have any of them.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD READ... THE POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND AND GET YOUR WIFE THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE... BOTH BY STORMIE OMARTIAN
btw... where are you 2 located?
2006-06-08 23:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. I agree. My first year was terrible. We fought all the time and my husband would go through my purse looking for phone numbers or whatever. One night there was an accident on the way home from my job and it held me up for over an hour. With no way to call him I already knew there would be trouble. He beat the hell out of me. I ended up at the hospital with real damage to my neck. I was going to leave him. Packed up the kids(one from before and one was ours) and left. I didn't stay away for more than a day. I realized that it was all about insecurity and that if I want it to work we would have to talk openly and honestly and I would have to see how I can make him feel better. I quit my job. Gave up all my male friends. It was worth it. He was so sorry for the physical abuse and has never ever touched me since. Our relationship turned at that point. We adjusted to each other and grew to understand each others needs. We have been happily married for 10 years now. He is my best friend. I have all the freedom I need. You have to decide if you really want this and you have to be very honest with her. Let her know that it is her choice if she wants to live like that but you choose not to be a part of it. Then she has to either change her choices or know that her choices have ramifications. People always say "leave them they won't change" I'm telling you a different side of that. People do learn and grow. Do you love her enough to give it a real chance?
Love & Light
Sharon
2006-06-09 00:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by skippingsunday 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not think of divorce under any circumstances. Nothing she does - merits for a divorce.
From the little u've said - she sounds extremely insecure. She sort of fears that u might get attracted to someone else (maybe someone has put such things in her mind).
Try to spend maximum time with her. Keep telling her how precious she is to you. Take her out as much as possible - to the beach or park where u two can just sit together and enjoy the setting sun. Join her in her every work. And before you retire to sleep in the night - tell her how wonderful the day was because she made it possible. Even if there had been problems, still tell her. Its quite possible she might say hurting words in return. But keep patient - it will pass.
Then without fail - both of you - kneel and pray. If you've never done it before, do it now, hold her hand, and say your prayers loudly. It may be difficult for first timers, but eventually the spirit of God will take over.
In your prayers, thank God for her. Tell Him what a wonderful gift she is in your life. Pray for her health, strength, peace of mind, and that she gets a peaceful sleep during the night.
Friend, no man can give you enough advise. Please go to the Lord, take it to Him in prayer. He's there waiting. Have faith, trust, and believe that he'll do it. Soon your troubles will be over.
Best wishes
2006-06-09 00:31:21 · answer #3 · answered by PC man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that maybe you got married too fast. The time before marriage is to see what a person is like in marriage time. Was she like this before marriage? If so, why did you marry her? If she wasn't like that, then you have to ask yourself two questions:
1. Did something you or someone else did, change the way she relates to you?
2. Is it possible that you are married for the wrong reasons? I say this because too many marriages today are based on physical intimacy, and rarely focus on the harder realitlites of life. Is it possible that your marriage was rushed because you were in love with physical intimacy?
There are numerous reasons why she may be acting this way. My advice is empathise with her and understand her. Sit down and tell her that you and understand and you want to help. But whatever you do, don't focus the blame on her. Be humble and accept that the way she is acting is a shared problem and thus, needs shared blame. Seek help from a Christian pastor and a counsellor, and go with her.
2006-06-09 00:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how rough it can be. Don't let your emotions get to you.
you may need to consider professional christian help. Even if she refuses maybe you should still go to edify & strengthen you.
Continue to pray and fast if you have not. by what you describe your wife has trust issues and other emotional issues that require healing. It may not be easy but you love her and made a COVENANT with her you do not cut & run because its hard.
Jesus didn't come off the cross until He saw it through! Go to Jesus, seek anwers Minister to your wife best as you can it will turn around. Men and women all over share in your experience God will see you through.
Prayers for all things for you Guys.
2006-06-09 01:37:40 · answer #5 · answered by lewbiv 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you the answer and I don't believe there is any other. Prayer. You will be amazed at how God can change both of you if you just begin daily to pray specifically for that issue. I've been where you are and I wish someone had told me this simple solution 40 years ago. The answer does not lie in counseling nor in "talking it out". a man is to be a good manager of his house, and I learned too late that good management is done on your knees.
2006-06-09 00:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by oldguy63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray a bit. As it is a christian marriage, this will help. Then talk to your wife. calm. Tell her you are deeply in love with her and scared because she seem to suffer because of you. Repeat her daily that you love her and you did not mean to hurt her. It is stupid, but women are very scared to loose their partener's love.
I know it sounds stupid, but she is also in love with you and jealous for every moment of your life. I admit i am a woman and i faced this feeling.
Please be comprehensive to her. Any case do NOT divorce. Just be patient. Things will get ok in a few months.
She does not fake. She does not want to hurt you. Just that she loves you and cannot control her fears and emotions. You should help her and talk a lot to her and explain her what you do, even say 'see, i called to tell you where i am, i go meet x' and so on, or write her a short sms, like ' i am in office, stupid meeting with manager, but i think about youall the time, dear'.
Be patient. Marriage and a loving husband is stronger than we stupid hysterical women. So mine resisted for 17 years even if i did a lot to destroy it.
Trust God and Love.
Good luck.
2006-06-09 00:04:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-02-04 02:15:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word of God says ....What God has joined together let no man put asunder. You are sure God joined you together? Pay close attention to this because many people will tell you just because you married in a church that God joined you together,that is not true, St.John 4:18 , You need to read that scripture and ask God for the understanding because it is about her not having had God fearing husbands not that she is living with someone.You, I am sure know that a wife is to honor her husband and in the last chapter of Proverbs tells about a virtuous woman for you to go by on a God fearing Woman.
2006-06-09 00:46:14 · answer #9 · answered by jackiedj8952 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her exactly how you feel...everything that you just shared with us strangers..you need to share with her. Tell her that she is too controlling and this has effected your desire to make love to her and to be married with her. Be sensitive and calm when you do this.
Make it clear that you two should go to counseling or at least she should....geez. Honestly, I doubt that your wife did a complete 180 after marriage. She had to be like this beforehand and you chose to marry her despite this. Nobody changes over night. SCHEDULE a heart to heart. Communication is the only way.
2006-06-08 23:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by NYCchic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋