can you give me a cool joke? the best will be the best answer?

Answer 1

In the second grade class, Mrs Wilson was trying to teach her students the taste, and looks of different kinds of meat. She gave them all a sample to eat if they got it right. She held up a piece of ham and said. "Now this is from a pig. What is it?" They all yelled "HAM" She held the a piece of beef and said."This comes from a cow. What is it" They yelled BEEF. The last piece was venison. They looked at her funny. then she said. "I'll give you hint. It's what your mommy calls your father." A little boy yells out from the back row "Don't eat it. It's asshole

Answer 2

The Magician and The Parrot


A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem:
The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or, "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... and then 2 days .. and then 3 days .

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said ..... "OK, I give up. Where's the f__kin' ship?"

Answer 3

A newfie walks into a bar and sees this beautiful blond sitting at the bar and asks her if he could buy her a drink. The blond says sure but it wont get you anywhere. The newfie says why not? The blond answers because I am a Lesbian. The newfie has a confused look on his face, and the blond asks you don't know what a lesbian is do you? The newfie says no. Well says the blond I will tell you what it means, you see that beautiful red head over there in the corner? Yes said the newfie. Well said the blond I would like to rip off all her clothes and ravage her body. The newfie began to cry, and the blond asked him why he was crying. the newfie said .....I think I am a lesbian too.

Answer 4

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love
me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife

________________________________________________

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that
we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

Answer 5

>A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
>"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow.
>I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness,
>or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
>whatsoever!"
>
>A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What
>would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter
>sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and
snickering.
>When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
>student,
>shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write
the
>exam
>with your other hand.

Answer 6

2 guys walk into a bar all happy and orders 2 drinks. the bartender then asks, "whats the celebration". then, the other guy says, "we just completed this puzzle". the bartender says " so? what good about that". then, the other guy says it says 3-5 years. on the box and we completed this puzzle in 1 day!

Answer 7

A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they
got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who
lived a couple of hours away. "Well, darling," said her mom, "how was the
honeymoon?"

"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had
a terrific time! But, Mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really
horrible language... Stuff I'd never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter
words... You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MOTHER!"
And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.
But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?"
"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! COME GET
ME, PLEASE!!!"
"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the
4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother....words like:
DUST...WASH......IRON....COOK!

Answer 8

A grasshopper walks into a bar...
the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
the grasshoper says: "You have a drink named Steve?!"

Answer 9

How do you bury a very large elephant?