Who can tell me the funniest dirty joke ever?

Answer 1

tis is not a funy stuff but its real....


a friend of mine wet dreams almos evry night....

Answer 2

Funniest Dirty Jokes

Answer 3

thatActually I've got 2 of my favorites. A wife gets home from work and sees her husband in tears sitting at the kitchen table. "What's wrong honey"? She asks. "Well I've tried my best to keep it from you but I lost my job 6 months ago and just leave the house and pretend I'm going to work. We're behind on all the bills, the house is in foreclosure, the cars are gonna be repossessed and the daycare provider is suing us for 5000.00 we owe" ."What are we gonna do"?, she starts crying. "Well, I have an idea, I don't really like but I think it's the only way out". "What is it", she asks. Well, you're as gorgeous as the day I married you and if you'd be willing to do some hooking we be okay in about a month". "Don't worry, I'll park real close to where you're at so if after you get in the car and leaves I can follow". Reluctantly she agrees. No sooner than she takes her position on a local street corner a Mercedes pulls up and stops, rolls down the passenger window, and asks her "Hoe much for an around the world"? Not sure what to say she says, "Wait a minute". Runs over to her husband's car and ask him what to charge. He says "200.00". "200.00 ", she tells the guy in the Mercedes. "To much, how about a *******"? Again she runs back to ask her husband. "Tell him $100.00". "!00.00 bucks" she tell her customer. "To much, how about just a hand job"? Again the same routine and her husband says, "20.00". Finally the guy agrees to the $20.00. She gets in the Mercedes as he's pulling out his dick, which is the biggest dick she's ever seen. "Wait a minute", she says as she gets out of the car. "Christ, don't tell me he said no to $20. "No Honey, Could you loan him $180.00"?

Answer 4

maybe not the dirtiest..but a new one i just heard:

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife, Mary Louise to the hardware store.

At the hardware store, Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot.
Joe Bob replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to buy, and Joe Bob went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Joe Bob yelled, "Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary Louise replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store....

Answer 5

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel
objects from pumice stones to pine-cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic
fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers. "Children,
I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and
mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their
mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy
probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and
shouted, "Spit 'em out, they're assholes!"

Answer 6

Three men were travelling across the country when their car broke down in farm country. They walked to a nearby farmhouse and asked to stay the night while their car was being repaired. The old farmer agreed, but had one rule. No man was to have their way with his daughter. They agreed, and headed to the barn for a nights rest. The next morning, the old man woke them up with a shotgun blast and by his side was his daughter, blushing and happy, winking at the three gentlemen. The old man said to them:

"Who has had their way with my daughter?!"

None of the men answered. The old man then said
"Line up and I'll get even with all of ya!"
He asked the first man:
"What did your father do for a living?"
"He was a lumberjack" said the first man, and with that the old man chopped off his pecker with an axe.
He asked the second man:
"What did your daddy do for a living?"
"My daddy was a big game hunter" said the second man, and with that the old man shot him in the balls with his gun
He looked at the third man, who by now was laughing hysterically.
"whats your problem boy?" he said
The thrid man didn't answer, but waited for his turn
"What did your poppa do for a living?"
With that, the third man dropped his drawers, smiled, and said:
"My daddy made lollipops!"

Answer 7

A boy was sitting in front of a girl in a second grade class.
Just as the teacher asked, "who is the one and only?", the girl poked the boy in the head with a pencil.

The boy: OMG! Teacher: Very good!

Teacher: Who is God's son, and our lord?

The girl pokes him again

Boy: Jesus Christ! Teacher: Correct again!

Teacher: What did Eve say to Adam when they were trying to have babies?

Girl pokes boy again.

Boy: IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING AGAIN I'M GOING TO CHOP IT OFF!

Answer 8

It's not the best one I know but I can't think of the others right now...

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.

Answer 9

Go watch "The Aristocrats"

Dirtiest, sickest jokes I've ever heard.

Answer 10

Special Report: Snow white was kicked out of Disney World because she was fond sitting on Panokio's face with her dress up screaming, "Lie, *****,lie!!!!"

Answer 11

What is the difference between mayonaise and a load of come?


Mayonaise never hits the back of your throat at 30 miles per hour!