My daughter stole over $10,000 from my business. I had to let it go or send her to prison. What should I do?

Question

I had the business for 11 years. When I realized that she was stealing the first time, she begged me to give her another chance and she would pay it back. She did okay for awhile and then started it back up and the corp. that held my franchise said I would have to sell, let them take over, or file charges and prosecute. I sold the business. Lost $160,000+ Now she feels she is not to blame because I knew she was doing it and as the owner/manager I should have stopped it and done what I needed to do to save my business.

My daughter is 23 and requires medication for severe ADD. She is not on drugs and does not need rehab. I have had her in counseling, but could not force her to continue.

Answer 1

You have lost your business, your potential retirement, your nest egg, everything. She has shown her appreciation and respect for nothing, including (if not especially) you.

In general, people with little to no or a poor or weak conscience don't stop. They have to BE stopped. Unfortunately, you allowed her access after the first time and, as might be expected, she did not stop.

She takes the outrage to another level when she blames you and chides you on what all YOU failed to do. To some degree, she's right. But, that in no way compares to or diminshes her actions or her responsibilities or her crimes.

Yes, she is your daughter, but what happens when she goes to work somewhere else and steals--do you think that THEY will not/should not press charges? If YOU hired someone off the street to work for you and they stole 10K and compromised your livelihood, would you think it appropriate to let it go, give them another chance? If not, then your daughter needs to learn that she is not so "special" just because you're related.

Further, it sounds like she will not/cannot learn anything from this situation or from you--nor will she/does she respect you or your property. It sounds like your ability to parent in this situation is waaaay over. It's time to bring in the big guns--the police, the prosecutor, and last, but not least, the local warden. They are people she will HAVE to respect even if she fakes it; they have the power to force respect, require socially acceptable behavior, and to exert the appropriate the consequences if she crosses those lines.

I'm not saying abandon your daughter, forget about her, or not care about her or what happens to her. I am saying that the free rides and the free passes need to be over in the worst way. It's time to get a little, if not a lot, more "selfish" and protective of yourself--especially since you have not been able to teach her any lessons that she is willing to respect, abide by, or learn and especially since she clearly has no respect for you.

Another poster talks about getting psychological help for her as opposed to jail. I'm in great favor of psychological help, always have been, and it's often the first resource I rely on and turn to. But, based on personal experience with numerous family members, I am quite clear that sociopaths will manipulate and exploit that avenue to their advantage as well however they can. They need to come up against someone or something bigger, stronger, and more powerful than they are before any possibility that psychological help will penetrate, much less "take".

Answer 2

YOu are a moron for not pressing charges before you lost your business. She needed to learn that this sort of behavior is not ok. You will always resent her for making you loose your career and money. What lesson did you teach her by not turning her in? She probably is on drugs (thats the reason why she stole from you) So not only does she need to be arrested, she probably needs to be in rehab. She is right by saying that you are to blame, she stole from you because she knew she would get away with it. I cant believe you are actually letting her accuse you of this being your fault.

Answer 3

and she is partly right in saying that...... yes you should have made sure by either, forbidding her to even come into the business or pressed charges, as a mother you could have gotten her help instead of time...... the judge prob. would have ask for your input...... now however with this much money if you press charges I am certain she would do time.... but you have to think of something... if she did this more than once to YOU , her beloved mother, don't you think that she will have NO problem doing it again to some one else ?? she has a very bad problem, something is NOT right....... get her help.... talk to a lawyer you trust and see what he/she says about the matter....... that is your best bet......... God bless

Answer 4

what a manipulative little ***** you raised. Whether you do it or not, sooner or later this little lady is going to jail. If she took that much, was it for drugs? If so, and even if it wasn't she will do something else illegal I think it worth mentioning that clearly she is used to playing you for a sucker and with this sort of record, I would watch her carefully -she could sell your furniture while you are gone, run up your credit cards, steal and wreck your car, the list could be very long of the ways she can rip you off while you are trying to help her.

Answer 5

In my opinion, what's done is done. You should have pressed charges BEFORE your company went out of business. Why did you wait?

In my opinion, it's time to move on and find new business opportunities. This time, don't let your daughter anywhere near the business.

Answer 6

I know this sounds bad, but if someone else was stealing from you, what would you have done. I'm sorry but jail may be the best thing for her. Some people are just not meant to function in society. I'm very sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 7

Sounds like your daughter is in denial. She is a thief and needs professional help before she gets herself in trouble with someone who is less forgiving than you are. Perhaps you did not do her a favor by letting her off the first time...but that does NOT excuse her continued bad-faith with her 'kindness'. I think, in your heart, you already know what to do. Blessings and Good Luck!

Answer 8

Tough love. You need to call the police and turn her in because you're definitely not doing her any favors by allowing her to get away with illegal activity like this. You've already given her a chance to clean up her act and she chose not to take it, she needs to learn her lesson.

Answer 9

send her butt to jail. she needs to learn that she can't do that. it maybe hard on you but you have to do it. that business was a way to provide for you as well as her and she ruined it by doing that. file charges and prosecute and then i'd try to redo your business. whatever it was i'm sure it did well to last 11 years. most businesses don't last a year

Answer 10

By not fileing charges, u showed her that she can keep on doing it! I know it puts u in a bad position, but she does need to learn a lesson from all this!