Any funny jokes? Ten points for the funniest joke!?

Question

Does anybody have any good jokes? If I like them you get ten points.

Answer 1

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one, "Johnny, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked.

lil johnny : "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

Answer 2

A missionary will get despatched into private darkest Africa and is going to are living with a tribe therein. He spends years with the individuals, educating them to learn, write and the well Christian methods of the white guy. One factor he specifically stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou have got to now not devote adultery or fornication! One day the spouse of some of the Tribe's noblemen offers beginning to a white little one. The village is stunned and the leader is distributed through his individuals to speak with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, but right here a black lady offers beginning to a white little one. You are the one white guy that has ever set foot in our village. It does not take a genius to see what has been occurring!" The missionary replies: "No, no, my well guy. You are flawed. What you've got here's a common occurrance - what's known as an albino. Look into yonder area. See that area of white sheep, and but among them is one black one. Nature does this on celebration." The leader pauses for a second then says "Tell you what, you do not say whatever approximately the sheep, I may not say whatever approximately the white little one."

Answer 3

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a
tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write
and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly
stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or
fornication!
One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child.
The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the
missionary.
"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives
birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in
our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"
The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have
here is a natural occurrance - what is called an albino. Look into yonder
field. See that field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the
sheep, I won't say anything about the white child."

Answer 4

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing? Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"

Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat's tail and light it up, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!"

Answer 5

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled pastries, so he bought some doughnuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a big sniff, and said, "Hello Ladies!"

Answer 6

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

Answer 7

Your mom is so dumb she went to the movies and saw a sigh that said nc-17.So she went back home and got 16 of her friends.

Answer 8

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was looking 4 Pooh!

(Winnie the Pooh)

Answer 9

A blond walks into the hospital emergency with her finger shot off. The doctor immediately see's her and asks "How did you shoot your finger off?!" "Well its like this," the blonde says, "I was wanted to comit suicide, so I took a gun and was going to put it in my mouth and shoot, but then I thought wait, I spent $20,000 dollars getting my teeth fixed so I won't do that. Then I decided to shoot myself in the cheast, but then I remembered I spent $10,000 on my boob job so I couldn't do that. I finally decided to put the gun in my ear and shoot, but I thought it might be too loud so I plugged my other ear with my finger and shot."

Answer 10

timmy and sally were in sunday school sally always sat in frount of timmy and always went to sleep so this sunday timmy brought a pin with him to sunday school the teacher asked a question ' sally who is the son of god?'
timmy poked her with the pin ' JESUS CHRIST' sally screamed
' very good' the teacher said and moved on to the next question and sally wnet back to sleep 15 mins later the teacher asked' what is the lords other name...sally?' timmy poked her iwth the pin again, sally screamed 'GOD ALMIGHTY'
she said rubbing where he had poked her' very good' the teacher said as she moved on to the next question sally glared at timmy , about 5 mins later she fell back asleep and 10 mins later the teacher said' what did eve say to adam after she had her 22sencond child?' timmy went to poke salyl but sally turned and said ' if you stick that thing in me one more time i'll snap it in 2' and the teacher fainted.
~anah