sibling rivalry?

Question

Its been 4 years since I talked to my older brother. Him and I at once use to be really close, I was in business with his soon to wife when they met (i introduced them to each other). To make a long story short a very bad business deal went down between my partner and I and my over bearing know it all brother. In the last 4 years I have made attempts to reconcile on a amicable ground for our parents benefit (as this breaks their heart), but to know avail. Now he is getting married and his g/f my ex partner has called after 4 years of not speaking out of the blue to ask me to stand for her (wtf?) my reply was i don't think so, but how about you start with an invite and we will take it from there. Invitations went out and my 2 sons recieved one and not me, my parents are very upset, and when my mom called me upset, asking me to "try again" as my dad says if i don't go he doesn't go. there is so much more to this story. I am looking for others to share their stories or comment on mine

I most add that I wrote my brother a long e-mail about what I would like from us in the future and to ask if he wanted to try being civil to eaach other, i made it quite clear, and no answer, also at christmeas dinner he was there as for how unconfotable i was, i stayed walked up to my brother extended my hand and said merry christmas, no action. Also, this bad business deal was alot of my brothers doing (some major back stabbing went on)

Answer 1

if you didn't get an invitation, i wouldn't go. you could start more wars by crashing the wedding. if your brother really wanted you to come, he would have invited you himself. sometimes you just can't fix relationships, no matter how hard you try.

Answer 2

Try to talk with your brother and his fiance and be honest with them about everything - and give them a chance to be honest with you about why they have neglected to talk to you for 4 years. You all need to be honest and clear the air - then like adults forgive eachother and move on. Offer to make the first move by calling and trying to arrange a meeting - if they refuse you can't force them, but at least you made a real effort.
You also need to tell your parents you are doing the best you can to remedy the situation, but the street goes both ways - they need to make effort too. You certainly shouldn't go to their wedding if they didn't send an invite - and it was very rude of them to not send you an invite - especially since your future sister in law asked you to stand on her side.
Do what you can, but know that unless they are willing to forgive and bury the hatchet you can't do much. They are obviously pretty immature - family should come before everything and forgiveness should certainly be offered.

Answer 3

I would call your ex-partner and ask if she will still wants you to stand up for her. To truly reconcile, you're going to have to forgive and forget. She held out the olive branch by asking you, and you broke it then threw it in her face.

It'll be hard, but put your tail between your legs, swallow your pride, think of the love lost between you and your brother, and tell her you're sorry for declining the invitation to be her maid of honor.

Forget who was right and who was wrong. It doesn't really matter now, anyway. This is family. I'm sure you've heard the old saying, "Blood is thicker than water". It means family is more important than friends or business.

Being humble is one of the hardest things for most people to do. But the rewards are almost always worth it. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Go as one of your sons' guests, especially as your father would likely want to attend. Provide a decent gift and write in the card that you would like to be brother and sister again, and not strangers, something eloquent and along those lines. Have someone else read it before you send it out... best of luck, for all of you!

Answer 5

I know what it is like not to talk to your siblings. I have not talked to my brother for over 21 years. I am still trying to find him but he wants nothing to do with me so I am going to give up trying and let him come to me. My sister was looking for me and found me 5 years ago and we are the only siblings in the family that keep in touch.

Answer 6

That is soo fu-cked up! I think he should be the one telling you sorry. I mean, it didnt mean to happen. I've fought w/ my brother everyday of my life. He calls me all the names in the book. I am surprised we even talk.

Answer 7

If your wish to reconcile then reconcile. If you don't wish to then tell everyone how you feel and get on with your life

Answer 8

Go!