What to do when time outs don't cut it any more?

Question

My 4 1/2 yr. old hits his sisters all the time one sister is older and one is younger. He even hits them then puts himself in time out. What formof discipline do I use next?

Answer 1

I had the same problem with my daughter...only she was beating up all the little boys in pre-school!
Nothing seemed to work, until I figured out I had to really get through to this child...get her right where it hurts, so to speak.
So I did.
While she was at school, (we're lucky they didn't kick her out, sheesh!) I cleaned out her room...and I mean I CLEANED IT OUT.
I left her nothing but her bed and dresser.
No tv, no toys, no books, no games...nothing but her bare necessities. I bagged it all up and took it to my mother's house.
Talk about one surprised little girl, when she came home that afternoon!
I explained that her behavior was absolutely unacceptable and I wasn't standing for it anymore. I told her that this was all she was going to have, until she could prove to me that she was going to act like the good girl that I knew she really was.
Talk about a quick shift in attitude! She decided that she wanted to be good from that day on.
I kept her room empty for an entire month.

It's now 5 years later, and my daughter is a straight A student, on the Principal's Honor Roll, and she's even {gasp!} the teacher's pet! LOL
The most important part though, is that she is an absolutely wonderful child! Instead of being called into the office to hear what she has done wrong, I have perfect strangers stopping me in the store to tell me what a sweet and polite daughter I have. I have an entire wall of my home dedicated to her, "Terrific Kid" awards!It's the best feeling, let me tell you!!
It's tough love, but it works. You have to be stern and you HAVE to stick to your guns!...and believe it or not, spanking doesn't always solve your problems. (Not that mine haven't gotten a swat or two on their behinds, on occasion!)
I promise, your children will respect you so much more down the line!
Good luck!

Answer 2

Time-outs...are they effective?
I have never seen time-outs actually work for a child. Ever. Maybe it's me but the kids usually end up mocking the parent. It's like the old 'I'm going to count to 3 and u'd better do such and such'. Never seen it work.

My daughter knew how to empathize with others early. You should as someone else on her stated sympathize with the other child. Ignore him. Ask her what happened and who hit her. Ask him did he hit her and why. Tell him that it's not nice to hit people. That's a no-no and it's mean. Have your daughter tell him she won't play with him any more if he keeps hitting her. Tell him to apologize. I do this with my 2 yr old when she acts out in this manner. It works. To this day if I she hits someone and I fake-cry she immediately stops what she's doing and apologizes for hurting my and everyone else's feelings..

Does he understand the concept of restrictions? Take away something he likes to curb the behavior.

...or you could just whip his behind. I guarantee that'll make him stop it! I don't believe you have to bust out equipment or anything. 2-3 pops on his behind with your hand is good enough.

The lesson: If you don't like anyone hitting you--don't hit them!
Now go sit yourself down somewhere and behave...

Answer 3

I'm a mom and a teacher... and have used the following with my son... he graduated 1st in class in 6th grade , Jr High , and High School then top honors in college and is now in pharmacy school (I tried to put the correct term for college honors but this site marks it as **** as it sounds like come)

After reading through all the other answers I found two that zero'd in on two key points...
The parent is the one in control and there are consequences for unaceptable behaviors....

A third point was to teach the girls that they can be in control by voicing their feelings (and a side consequence for the brother is that he DOES NOT get attention for bad behavior-- he can go to his room--that has been cleaned out --- until you and the girls have the time to accept his apology for his behavior)

---- careful that the girls don't tattle just to get your attention-- maybe instead of making a big deal about "caring for their hurts" you can ask if they told him they didn't like being hit and if they say yes then you praise them and say you are proud of them for letting him know that.---this will keep the girls from getting the wrong type of attention and teach them they can have some control about what is happening to them)

A good thing to do is to watch/observe for the triggers to his behavior... Do the girls play together and exclude him.. do they taunt him to anger by ganging up on him.... Once you know the triggers you can have a more effective talk about how to handle situations when people (not just his sisters) set off his triggers,

I like the following comments from marnonyahoo

When he hits his sisters, give him no attention for it. Your son will not like the feeling of being left out.

And the comments from
a_littlebit_of_me

About cleanning out the room AND the length of time it was left cleared out (one month is NOT too long a consequence for a behavior that needs to be stopped before it becomes a learned behavior for life)

Answer 4

If he likes to watch TV or play with a fave toy you might want to take that away for the day or even just try a different location for timeouts. Like the nose on the wall sort of timeouts. Don't spank him when he hits though, that will just confuse the **** out of him. "its ok for you to hit me but its not ok for me to hit my sisters?" Just set him down after he has had his discipline and try to talk to him about how hitting hurts, its not right, you dont hit girls, etc.

Answer 5

watch the super nanny on tv. the timeout has to be done right. I didn't do time out with my kids,but put them in a corner. Either sitting or standing. Catch him being good and behaving right and reward with positive words. Don't go way overboard, just acknowledge his and his sisters good behavior. Also, does he have one of those blow up bounce back toys? When he wants to hit, let him hit that. You can laugh and you can hit it too. Teach him a good sense of humor early.

Answer 6

Time outs are a way for you to control your child, not a way for him to learn self-control. That's why they don't work. They are shaming, cause resentment and anger. If you want your son to use self-control, use logical and natural consequence when he misbehaves.

When he hits his sisters, give him no attention for it. Rush to your daughter and empathize with her. "Wow! That must have hurt! You must be really upset! Let's get some ice to put on your sore!" Your son will not like the feeling of being left out.

Have your daughters tell him when he hits them "I don't like when you hit me. I won't play with you if you are going to hurt me." Have them ignore him for some time after the incident.

You can also try this when he hits his sister, remove him and put him into an area away from his sisters. Tell him "When you are ready to stop hitting and play gently then you can come out." This is not a time out because you are not giving him a time limit. He returns when he is ready to control himself. Notice him when he is being gentile.

When he is calm, empathize with him about his feelings "You must have been really (angry, frustrated, mad, upset...). What can you do next time instead of hitting. He will learn to express his emotions rather than lash out. Good luck!

Answer 7

Take away something that he really likes, or don't let him watch his favorite tv show. He is old enough now to realize that if he doesn't behave the consequences are longer. With time out, once it was done, the punishment was over.
I don't know if it would really make sense to spank him for hitting his sister. You would be saying its wrong to hit, but I'm going to hit you now anyway.

Answer 8

Should have spanked him loooong time ago - wouldn't be where you are now. Now you get to try to implement discipline when he knows you won't use force. Now he thinks he's outsmarted you, and in a way he has. He's old enough to lose rights to a game boy or such thing for a day. He can be made to clean the bathroom as punishment, or some room. . .his sister's! You have to find what's dear to him and use it. Good luck.

Answer 9

That is a tough one.. I would try separating them, make him play alone until he learns to stop hitting, a time out is usually very brief, but if you put up a baby-gate and kept them apart for several days that may work.. Good Luck

Answer 10

well the best form there is to wack him on the bottom of his feet. did u know u can paddle a child on the bottom of their feet and not leave one mark? this way he knows what it is like to be hurt and how it feels for him to hit his sisters. if you do not take control of the situation now he can turn out even worse when he is older. this is a headache u need to get under control now.