How do I get my 7 yr old son to listen and follow rules in school?

Question

My 7 yr old son is always getting notes sent home that he talks too much fools around too much and doesn't listen. I've tried taking away TV for the night or the computer for a week, Video games are gone for good. He still doesn't stop talking or listen when he's told to do something or stop doing something. He's broke and crushed all his crayons, he's doodled on his worksheets. He can do the work he just would rather talk and not do what he's told. He's not that bad at home but I do see him getting worse than he was. It's at the point where he comes home and goes straight to his room. Am I being too strict? I've tried to talk things out with him and he knows exactly what he did wrong and why it was wrong but when the "why did you do it" question is asked the answer is always "I don't know". It's getting to the point where I'm missing out on doing stuff with my only son because he's always punished. What should I do?

Answer 1

As long as you're being consistent, you're not being too strict IMO.

It sounds a bit like he is either too smart for his classes and is bored, or is perhaps overly energetic.

Make sure gets excersize each day. Keep his diet is as free of sugar and caffiene as possible, and be sure he's getting enough sleep at night to wake easily in the morning. It's amazing how much can be solved by just burning off excess energy and getting enough sleep not to be cranky.

If he's too energetic, putting him in his room may make the problem worse. Perhaps some chores would be a better punishment, or an exercise he doesn't enjoy. Running laps or doing push-ups may make him resent those exercizes, but it may also help drive home a point about constructive ways to use his energy. At the very least, he'll be a stronger, healthier child.

Practicing good behavior can also help.

My daughter had trouble paying attention at that age. It wasn't that she didn't care to behave, she was just off in her own little world.

We would literally practice listening at home. I would read her a short story and have her tell it back to me straight away, so we could spot it immediately and she could learn to recognize when she was zoning out.

I also notice that she gets better grades in school when she's participating in an after school activitiest. She's not an overly athletic child, but she's been able to find non-competative sports she enjoys that let her get moving without making her rue her awkward feet.

My three year old son simply doesn't like to follow orders. He will literally argue that day is night. With him, we have to use many carrots and many sticks.

We have five beads strung on a ribbon for him. A bead goes up when he's listening well, and down when he doesn't. When all the beads are at the up, he gets a treat. When they're all down, he loses a toy or a priveledge for a while. Exceptionally good behavior will send all the beads up immediatley, and tantrums will lose hime all beads and get him sent straight to his room.

We create easy tasks for him we know he's likely to do, so we can give him a treat and reinforce that he's a good boy. That way, when it's something he doesn't want to do, he has the experience to know that cooperation can be worth the reward. Hopefully, we're also molding his self image to be that of a cooperative person and good citizen.

Try finding what your son can do that makes him proud and give him plenty of opportunity to do it. If he identifies himself in a way that's positive, he will live up to his positive self image. If he sees himself as the kid who always gets into trouble, he'll live up to that as well.

I know this was long winded. I hope you found some helpful tips in it.

Best of luck.

**PS

As for the ADD debate, unfortunatley, while some of the people here have had success stories, some of us were less fortunate.

There is no physical test for ADD, and the lists of questions used to determine if a child has ADD are too generalized and cover many symptoms that are common to other problems. Too often, other causes for the symptoms are overlooked or not even searched for.

The instances of misdiagnosis is high and the risks from the medication can be higher with failure to thrive being seen in most children who receive long term treatment and heart problems and psychotic episodes being commonly seen.

Too many parents have seen their children suffer through the effects of the drugs for extended pereiods while the doctors adjusted the prescriptions only to learn that their child was dyslexic, hard of hearing, had some emotional trauma that affected their behavior and ability to learn, or some other such problem.

To top it all off, studies have been done to show that children diagnosed with ADD show “no differences in adolescence between the drugged and the undrugged children in school marks, in number of grades failed, in amount of hyperactivity, or in antisocial behavior. The problems of organically hyperactive children seemed to linger on, whether or not they had been drugged.”

With the number of misdiagnosis so high, the risks from medication so substantial, and the benefits so debatable, it would be sheer folly not to first try common sense lifestyle adjustments to diet, excersize, sleep, and discipline.

If none of that works, always get a second opinion before allowing a child to take such controversial drugs.

Answer 2

Everyone needs to just calm down!! All this debate about ADHD! The only thing I've seen so far if people suggesting you have your child *tested* for ADHD. This does not automatically include medication. Your story sounds very familiar to me because I went through the same thing with my son. He does have ADHD, he does take Ritalin, and he is MUCH better now! And medication is not always the answer, or the only answer. We have strict routines that must be followed or my son will go into a tail-spin over nothing, even with the medication.

My advice is to talk to your child's pediatrician. S/he will be able to recommend a behavior specialist who will do the appropriate testing for your child. Hang in there and good luck!!

Answer 3

Hello i know how you feel honey. My 7 year old son is the same way except he was diagnosed with PDD and Autism and possible being evaluated for ADHD. Has he been tested for anything? Where is the father in all this? If he is there i hope he is disciplining him with you and standing behind you. It takes constant being on his butt. My son would threaten to kill me and also break his toys and my stuff if he dont get his way. He gets time outs everyday until the 3 days ago i made him stand straight in a corner for 3 hours and had him not fidget. he learned he has not gotten time outs for 2 days now I know it is harsh and yes im too strick on him but i have to be because he will walk all over everyone if i wasnt. Good luck honey

Answer 4

Please don't let others tell you ADD/ADHD right off hand. You know your son and if he was ADD you would see other signs. Have you tried diet changes? Maybe he is just bored in his classroom? You are not being too strict! Kids need discipline they thrive on it. But obviously the taking of priviliges isn't something that works with your son. Take him in for a normal check up and mention your concerns, you can also try talking to a behavioral therapist, there may be something bugging him that he can't express to you. These therapists do not want to medicate your child they want to help through behavior modification and counseling. I am taking my 6 year old, and it seems to be helping.

Answer 5

Take him to his pediatrician. Describe the exact behaviors he is doing. It's possible he has ADD or ADHD (attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactive disorder). The pediatrician should give you a questionaire to fill out along with one for your spouse, and for his teacher. This will give your doctor enough info to make a diagnosis.

I have two boys who are diagnosed with ADHD (so I'm not talking out my butt here). If that is the problem, there are meds that can help (and I mean help - not make him a drugged zombie). The problem with the meds is that it can take time, and trial and error to find the right one or ones that work for him.

With TV and computer/video game time, definitely limit it. There are studies that link excessive time to increased ADHD problems.

Good luck, email me if you have questions!


To the poster immediately after me: I did not say that he was ADD/ADHD. I said it's POSSIBLE. There's a difference. Either way, being evaluated by his doctor might save her and her son a lot of grief and stress.

Answer 6

My cousin, when he started school he would do all his work, do it right, then would talk up a storm. Turns out he didn't have ADD or ne of that crap, he was just gifted! He was so quick to get the work done and right that he got bored and wanted to do other things, so my aunt and uncle filled out the paper work and now he is in "smart classes". Being 12 hes not only smart scholatically he is a smart *** lol. But ya talk with the teachers.

Answer 7

Talk to a teacher in a grade or 2 higher than him. Ask them for extra work like a crossword puzzle or a small project you can help him with. Try to channel his behavior at school into something more acceptable/ constructive. Get a bunch of legos or something that can be built together and make sort of a competition with him on who can build the better object( of course let him win, but give him ideas on what he could build)

Answer 8

First have him evaluated for giftedness, hopefully your school can do this. If he turns out gifted discuss with the school what can be done for him to help him out.

Also have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD and also for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID).

In any case, counseling would probably help. Art therapy and sand tray therapy are WONDERFUL, so is talk therapy, especially when used in conjunction with one of the creative therapies.

My 6 year old son is gifted and has SID, and we homeschool. It works REALLY well FOR US, and is a viable option, but is not a good answer for everyone.

Answer 9

it sounds like he isn't being challenged enough by the curriculum offered him at school? bright kids who are not being stretched do tend to be able to do the work but then mess about too as they are understimulated.

that being a possible root problem - is there not a way that his school can ensure that he does receive a more varied program that does play to his strengths? when the tasks he is given DO engage his interests then he will find he wont go 'off task' with his friends - more probably he will help draw them into the task and they all gain more from it.

Answer 10

make him listen and follow the rules at home . he could be bored at school have him tested see if he is needing to be moved up a grade or maybe he doesn't understand what is going on in class and needs to be put back a grade