Does anyone have advice on handling hurtful comments regarding overweight children?

Question

My daughter is almost 6 and weighs 55 llbs. but she is also extremely tall. She has always been the biggest one in her classes but her weight is very proportionate and she is active in soccer, gymnastics, and tennis. She is just built bigger, but she also has a 7 yr old sister who is very small for her age. I am 5'3" and pretty small...always have been and her dad is 6ft, about 190. She is beautiful, but the comments she gets sometimes are so hurtful and since I've never had to deal with these issues, I don't know how to handle this in a positive manner. Kids don't say much very often, but she is now realizing that she is just bigger, not really even fat, just tall and bigger. She was in a class where she was the oldest (by almost a year) and of coarse big for her age as well and that's when her concern (and mine) began. How can I help her be more confident?

Answer 1

Don't worry!! Kids are very mean to anyone that looks different. I also have a six year old, and due to a severe allergy that we did not know about he weighs almost 150 lbs. But he is also almost five feet tall too! He has been teased and tortured more than you can even imagine, from school to strangers at the store. He has learned to just ignore them after a while and you daughter will too. If she really needs to say something back tell her to say something positive about the other person--that will throw them off. My son used to do that and it seemed to work for a while. Also I ended up talking to the school counsler at his school and she had a talk with the entire class about "differences". After that even the teacher commented that the behavior of the bullies had chenged for the better. Just keep telling her what really matters and she will eventually realize it for herself!!!

Answer 2

I think you sound like you are doing okay. Just keep her in all of those activities, they will keep her healthy and build her self-esteem. I bet you don't already, but never criticize her and never allow anyone else in your family to criticize her. My bet is that as she gets older her growth will slow down a bit and other kids will start catching up to her. Too bad she isn't at my daughter's school, there are tons of taller, bigger young girls here. My daughter is on the small side, and most of these girls just tower over her. I can relate to your question in the opposite way. My daughter, who is also six, got a few comments about her smallness. She had never noticed it before then and she started telling me she's too small to be a 6 year old. I tell her that she is the perfect size for her and it would be sad if all kids walked around the same size. Another thing to consider doing, enroll your daughter in Karate. I enrolled my daughter and I've seen a big improvement in her self-esteem and confidence.

Answer 3

You need to tell her how beautiful she is, beleive it or not children will get their self esteem mostly from what their parents say and do. Remind her just how beautiful she is because God made her! There is only one of her, she is a masterpeice! Tell her she looks beautiful because she is HER. Kids can say what they want, and they will, but most of her self esteem will come from those who love her the most. Not every child is going to be teeny tiny and petite, and there's nothing wrong with her being tall and a bigger build. A friend of mine has a daughter who is tall and has a big body build, she is 9 but looks 12, she is a pretty girl. My youngest daughter is a bigger child, shes not fat, but shes got a big build, her sisters are smaller, but thats how God made her...and she's gorgeoous from head to toe! Build her confidence mom and dad!!!

Answer 4

To be honest. I think that every kid gets teased about something. Whether it be their name, their hair, their body or anything else. It will only make her stronger. Just talk to her about it and let her know that the only reason kids tease her is because they are jealous. I have 4 sisters. When the youngest one was six, she was getting teased similar to your daughter. She got through it knowing that we loved her and that everyone was just jealous of her. We pointed out her best traits and told her how they couldn't hold a candle to her. We also told her that the boys were just mad because she could take them and the girls at the same time.. lol.. She thought that was funny more than anything. But she eventually got over it because other kids went through their growth spurts and they are all pretty much the same size now and she is now 10.

Answer 5

theres not much you can do beside just be there for her and reasure her that she is beautiful i was a bigger girl nut i grew into my body and im sure she will more as she get older theres nothing you can really do kids will always be mean wheather ur samll or big, tall or short kids can be so hurtful smoetime and like i said all you can do is be there for and show her that inner beauty is worth way more than outter beauty tell her if she ever needs someone to talk to just email me at [e-mail] by the way im 17 yr old so im still young and im sure i can realte to some things she amy want to talk about plus im still in school and i know how cruel kids can be trust me

Answer 6

Well, first it doesn't sound like your daughter is overweight at all and it's good that you and especially she recognizes that. That's most important, just make sure you keep making it clear to her that she is not fat. Keep her active like you have been and watch her eating patterns as much that she doesn't overeat or under-eat because the comments could affect her eating habits.

Kids can be cruel and adults aren't much better... I remember girls in grade school who developed complexes about their weight because they were taller or had larger frames than other kids and got called fat when there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

Answer 7

Poor baby! That's got to be tough. I think it's pretty common for girls to lose the "baby fat" later, but that's not going to be a sufficient answer for your daughter, and it won't make hurtful comments go away.

I actually really like FavoredbyU's snappy comebacks... but it might not go over so well with teachers! Maybe something more along the lines of "You only say mean things about me to feel better about you". My son said that to another kid once (he actually came up with it himself) and the kid stopped, but probably because he was just really confused by the comment! But no matter what, she needs to feel good about herself and know that her true value as a person comes from within. Good luck!

Answer 8

I had those problems starting in third grade.Whenever they say something negative, you say something positive. Find some things for your daughter to be best at. Karate is often helpful at building self esteem. Gymnastics might be tough since the sport favors the smaller girls.

Hey lady, yo kid's fat.
She is the best reader in her class, thank you.
She is a black belt in karate, watch yourself.
She is the top scorer on her soccer team.

Answer 9

hi momofthree...i too am a mom of three daughters. i'm small too..5'2", small boned. my girls were all big when they were little. i hate how cruel kids can be...especially girls. my older two slimmed down once they reached puberty. just keep telling her those people who make cruel comments don't matter, they are irrevelant. keep telling her how beautiful she is! my middle girl went through hell with the kids at school because of her weight. my words helped, but they wern't enough. counseling helped a great deal. also, speak with the school, tell them to deal with these children. she's going to be a tall, beautiful woman....how lucky can one get? i'd kill to be tall! this too shall pass. when you act confident, she will be confident. my girls go out of their way to befriend the kids that get picked on. what she is going through will benefit her and make her a more compassionate person. tell her people come in all different shapes and sizes, and she is lucky to be tall and beautiful. tell her anyone who makes cruel comments is jealous and insecure about their own looks! hang in there, it will get better!

Answer 10

Talk to her about how wonderful being tall is. She can reach things shorter people can't. Models are really tall. Let her know how wonderful it is that she is built like her dad. Athletes that are tall do well. Being tall is a blessing and she just needs to learn that. Teach a smart comment to say when people or kids say hurtful things.