my dog won't play with me...at least like he plays with my gf (read details)?

Question

I (foolishly) used pain to punish him for messes when I would arrive home. Now he is very submissive and sometimes down-right scared of me at times. I know I was wrong to use pain as a teaching tool and have since changed my ways. Please do not answer just to lecture me as I feel bad enough already. He will play with my gf by her moving her hand around his head and touching his snout and he will gently mouth at her hand and give play growls, but I can't get him to do that with me. Is it because I have hit him in the past for misbehaving? That is what I assume is the issue. I feel awful about the way I have treated him, and want to be able to play with him in that manner. I play fetch with him all the time and he loves that, but he won't play the gentle mouthing game mentioned above with me. Is it becuase he is so submissive of me that he won't dare do anything to challenge me? I want to play that way him sooo bad. Please help. I love this dog and want things to be normal.

he is a 1.5 year old collie blue heeler mix. He also is timid and submissive by nature (he grew up with all women in the house, and doesn't take well to men). I have been very nice to him the last few weeks and just want things to be normal. I learned my lesson about pain as training and will never strike him again. I just want to play with him like a normal dog. How can I get him to trust me enough to play without the fear of me taking that "challenge" by him the wrong way? or is that even the issue, I don't know much about dog Psyche so I am looking for a little guidence here.

Answer 1

you need to talk to you dog nicely rub his belly and start play with him give him treats, you need to give he the you are behaving good and tell him if all you do is tell him he is bad dog he won't come to you.

Answer 2

Your dog is already a very submissive breed using pain only made that worse.I'm not here to lecture you.Your dog plays with your girlfriend because he can trust that she isn't going to hurt him.She is constant with affection.I would start by try some training classes with a group.It will start a new relationship with your dog.I would also try taking him to some of his fav spots.Go maybe around other dogs,that way you and him can play together without him being too afraid of you.You need to be constant with rewards like treats,praise anything that makes him feel like he's not going to be punished.If he makes a mistake then just look at him don't move your hands.If you move your hands then he will feel in harms way. I have noticed that animals that have been punished with pain have a higher rate to bite for blood.
He would only do this if he feels that his life is in danger.
You need to let him know that your not going to harm him anymore. If he is friendly with others then there is room for trust.
That's a good thing.

If you need any help I will be glad to help.
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Good Luck!!

Answer 3

This is one of those rare cases where you may have more success by making yourself less dominant to your dog.

Let him come to you as much as possible. Don't reach for him, encourage him to reach for you. Do not look him directly in the eye. Look down at your feet when he's around, and turn your head slightly to the side. Do not face him directly with your body straight toward him; turn to the side around him. When you approach him, walk backward toward him.

Many times when dogs are afraid of men, it turns out that it's because many men are very direct. They hold eye contact, they stand firmly and face you squarely. They are very confident. These are all dominance signals. For dog training, this can often be great, but it can also be very intimidating. Since your dog is a soft temperment and afraid of you, try making yourself as unintimidating as possible.

You might also try doing some gentle reward-based training with the dog. This gives you an opportunity to redeem yourself as The Good Guy. Ask him to sit before you take him outside, and then you make "going outside" into a reward. If you aren't the one feeding him right now, you should be. Ask him to sit before you feed him, and then dinner becomes a reward. Start asking your dog to engage in some positive interactions with you, and time and patience should help him be comfortable enough to start playing with you.

Answer 4

You have already answered your own question. If I kick your butt every time I don't like something you do--pretty soon you will be afraid of me too. What else could you expect. You may never regain the dog's trust. The dog NEVER knew why you were punishing it. They cannot associate two things that happened at two different times. They live "in the moment." If you want to correct a behavior, 1. no pain-- hitting is never allowed, 2. you correct WHILE the behavior is actually happening. 3. 5% correction-95% praise. (That means for every "NO" there has to be 19 "good boys" ear scratches and head pats.)

Answer 5

Patience is key here, he sees you as the Alpha dog, and lower dogs don't 'play' with the Alpha, it would be seen as a challenge. Gentle affection from you might help, and the idea to take a class together is pretty good, but that does reinforce the idea that you are Alpha. Read up on the pecking order behavior of wolves and maybe you can pick up some ideas by seeing how the pack leader shows affection.

Answer 6

I feel sorry for the dog. It's not his fault he did messes around your place. Your dog didn't know when he'd be able to go outside and relieve himself, so he just went when he couldn't hold it any longer....It seems like you really love your dog though, and it is true, he doesn't want to challenge you in fear of you might use pain towards him again...When your g/f is playing with him, try to join in too, have some doggie treats with you and try letting him eat them out of your hand. It's going to take a while, but I think he will soon start playing with you, once he knows he can trust you

Answer 7

You are correct about the submission and challenge thing. I'm glad you learned your lesson. I recommend that you enjoy the play that you and your dog do together, and teach him new games to play with you. I'm sure you like to do different things with different friends, so maybe your dog is the same way. Perhaps with time (and continued gentle training) your dog can relax with you more, but you can't ever expect him to treat you the same as your gf. Be glad that your dog isn't jealous of her! We have 2 dogs that have recieved gentle training from the whole family, but they don't play the same games with me as they do with my husband, and they play totally different ones with the kids. Spend some time alone with your dog, and you two will learn your own games to play together.

Answer 8

Your dog cringes because he does not trust your hands ---because you have hurt him before, USING your hands.

Time, and your EXTREME use of Patience may fix it or NOT. You could try, very patiently, over a few MONTHS, to sit your dog down when NOBODY is distracting you, and approach your dog with your hands slowly, and assure him that you're NOT attacking him. It will take a LONG time and perhaps not work.

Some dogs never recover and tend to cringe. It's a hard lesson to learn. People should NEVER hit pets. Pets NEVER forget.

Answer 9

Well you mistreated him so now he basically fears you. The thing you failed to realise was that he maybe a dog but he has a personality as well. You hit out at him and obviously he became fearful of you. I'd advise you to keep trying to gain his trust again, Don't rush things but take it day by day. Things should change eventually after all the hard work.

Answer 10

you know good things take time.......just give him some time to learn to trust you again. And love him alot whenever you get the chance....scratch under his chin. Be careful when making movements up over him/coming down at him. Sit down at his level and talk to him in a calm and cheerful voice. Best wishes.

Answer 11

ya that is the reason b/c u were the "mean" one n ya he will be scared of u but now u have to show him that u luv him by tryin to play wit him but dont get mad when he dont want to he will warm up to u sooner or later he just needs some time
have a great day