Is it fair for me to ask my husband if I can be alone with another woman?

Question

My husband and I are in the lifestyle (we're swingers) and we usually date other couples where the woman is bisexual also. I find that I rarely get the oppertunity to "be" with the woman, because the guys just sit there and watch, making us uncomfortable (I don't like to put on a show) and I'm not sure if it's fair for me to ask my husband if I can be with her alone. We always "play" at the same time, but often in seperate rooms. Do you think it would be prudent to take her by the hand and lead her to another room to spend time with her, away from the guys?

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HoustonLifestyleBiFems/

I guess I should add, although I did state it above, that I do allow my husband to play alone (in a seperate room). And I'm not saying that I'm unhappy in my marriage - in fact, we're extremely happy. Being swingers is just an extra thing we do and only with ppl we both agree upon. It's not like I'm wanting to cheat on him. He will be completely aware of anyone I'm with.

I guess if you don't understand the swinger's lifestyle, I probably don't really need you to answer this question, but thanks to everyone who's offered advise thus far.

Answer 1

I think that before you do anything, you need to talk to your hubby. Open relationships/lifestyle people NEED good communication or everything goes to sh*t. You need to talk to him about how you dislike being watched and your desire for some girl on girl privacy. Don't worry about fair because life is not fair. People are not fair, emotions are not fair, desires are not fair. And frankly, I don't blame you for disliking being on exhibit all the time, its not like you're a trained seal.

Talk to him honestly about it and if he is an intelligent man he will respect your wishes.

Answer 2

Not exactly sure what explaination he'd give to support his "no" answer! i mean, you're already given the green light to be with other guys or girls as long as he's watching...is that his definition of being in a monogomous (sp?) relationship? You should first maybe get a divorce so you can be with whomever you wanted whenever you wanted. (I'm confused on the whole marriage thing...why be married yet be swingers??). I'm not judging you, I'm just uneducated on this stuff.

Answer 3

look me and my girl are into other girls too (swingers are couples banging other couples not just another girl) but the thing is if i cant join then i want to watch and if i cant watch then ill go out and get my own girl.. is that what you want why should you have the fun and not him its a 2 way street

Answer 4

Whatever you do don’t cheat on him, by means don’t do it without his consent. I am sure you wont like to have him having sex with a another women or man in your back, But if you believe he will be an understanding person tell him you are curious, and wish to explore your sexual possibilities.

Answer 5

no its not fair. would you like it if he were out banging other women? or men? without you there? you're married you knew what you were getting when you said I do. What if in that time you left him alone he decided , "hey I like this cock much better than my wife" and left you and stopped loving you. He might say its ok but things will be in the back of his mind.

Answer 6

i also in the swingers life we have a good time its just sex nothing more nothing less their should be nothing wrong with that when we party it all about respect if that makes you feel better do it you husban should understand good luck

Answer 7

take her in another room... your a swinger, whats wrong with it?

Answer 8

If you do this, then don't be surprised if your husband asks if he can be alone with another woman.

The sanctity of marriage!

Answer 9

ask but he might want to watch or after yor alone w/ he will most likely want her & u. go 4 it

Answer 10

I think it is fair to ask, but you must be ready so accept if he says no.