I am 32 yrs old have 5 kids who are very rude .The eldest is 14, 13, 11, 9 ,and 5 years old .?

Question

I would like to know what advice you can give to me to demand respect from them and give to them as well. It get very frustrated sometimes.

Answer 1

Nanny 911 or Super Nanny!

Here is an answer I think is quite good a User named David G. has given to a question pretty similar to yours. In that case there was a spoiled only child, but the concept of what I myself call the "three Cs" : calmness, consequences, and consistency, are all present in his answer.

I have always followed the three Cs with my two children, a boy, 19, and a girl, 16, and while no one is perfect, and while everyone has bad days, my children are pretty nice, respectful, successful, and I enjoy them. They have definitely been civilized and are ready for their pending adult lives.

Read what he says, and think about it:

You need to regain control, but you have to make up for lost ground. So first, and this may sound weird but if you have not been setting boundaries, it's important...when she does something "naughty", make sure she knew it was wrong! Mistakes, curiosity and defiance are not the same thing.

You don't punish mistakes and curiosity, but you to address defiance. If she did not understand what she did was wrong because you had not told her, calmly tell her that is not acceptable behavior and there will be a concequence next time. Decide what that will be (time outs are good...taking away a privilage or favorite activity they have to earn back is also effective). Then, next time it comes up, give the concequence, explain why and stick to it!

Balance that with intentionally looking for excuses to praise her. If she does something right...especially if it's been an area of weakness, like being polite instead of rude...make a big deal about it...praise her lavishly.

One unusual, yet excellent piece of advice I have tried and seen work with my 2 kids: Get excited, loud and demonstrative when your daughter does something right. Be calm, low key and quiet when she does something wrong (still being firm-see above).

See, kids love reaction and response from parents...it's one of the hungers of their hearts. When they want that attention, they will often settle for any attention - even negative attention. If they get your attention best when they do something wrong, they'll do it. To a hungry kid, any attention from you is good. Doing what I suggested trains young children that breaking the rules only gets a calm "boring" and umpleasant reaction, while doing the right thing gets a big loud and fun reaction
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In addition, here is what Wikipedia says, and there are references given to authorities on child rearing that are very good, esp. Dr. Brazelton, who is a world-reknown expert.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_discipline

Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as Developmental Psychology, Social Work, and various religious perspectives.

Methods of child discipline vary widely between cultures and have in recent times changed considerably in many of them.

Contents [hide]
1 Authoritarian perspectives
2 Psychological perspectives
3 Religious perspectives
4 Sources



[edit]
Authoritarian perspectives
In western society, there has been much debate in recent years over spanking in particular and corporal punishment for children in general. But many parents and teachers still agree with Machiavelli`s maxim: "It is better to be feared than loved."

The appropriateness of Machiavelli`s ideas on the gaining of power to parenting have been questioned. United Nations human rights standards prohibit all corporal punishment. However, beating children is legal in schools in at least 60 nations. Corporal punishment in schools is legal in 23 states of the United States, except where prohibited by local school boards.

[edit]
Psychological perspectives
Non-violent child discipline has grown in popularity, but continues to be controversial. It is generally time-intensive, and thus best-suited to parents of small families. Results will vary dramatically according to the child's personality, depending greatly upon the child's desire to please and upon the child's stubbornness. T. Berry Brazelton (1992) and Benjamin Spock (1992) are among the well-known pediatrician/authors who have written books on childrearing that suggest non-violent means of discipline.

Researchers have linked authoritarian childrearing with children who withdraw, lack spontaneity, and have lesser evidence of conscience (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Hart et al. (2005) state:

Corporal punishment has been found to be consistently related to poor mental health; including depression, unhappiness, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness in children and youth. Corporal punishment is a risk factor for relationship problems, including impairment of parent-child relationships, increased levels of aggression and anti-social behaviour in children, raised thresholds for defining an act as violent, and perpetration of violence as an adult, including abuse of one's family members.

The Taking Children Seriously approach eschews all child discipline as unethical.

[edit]
Religious perspectives
Earlier in history, Solomon advised:

"Discipline your children and they will give you rest" (Book of Proverbs 29:17)

and similarly warned:

"..A mother is disgraced by a neglected child." (verse 15b).

These parts of the Bible continue to influence conservative Christians and Jews today, notably James Dobson. However in the New Testament Paul wrote:

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

[edit]
Sources
Brazelton, T. B. (1992). Touchpoints. Addison-Wesley.

Hart, Stuart N. et al. (2005). Eliminating Corporal Punishment. UNESCO Publishing.

Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent-child interaction. In Handbook of Child Psychology (4th ed.), edited by P. H. Mussen, vol. 4: Socialization, personality, and social development, edited by E. M. Heatherington, 1-101. New York: Wiley.

Spock, B., & Rothenberg, M. B. (1992). Dr. Spock's baby and child care. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_discipline"
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Best of luck. When kids get out of control, it is so easy to forget how much we wanted them in the first place.

Answer 2

I agree with daddydjx, however, the belt should only be used sparingly. I like the idea of all of them being responsible for each others' good behavior and bad behavior. The stripping of the room does work. and as they make progress you slowly add an item or two to match the type of behavior you see and the frequency until they eventually get all their stuff back, BUT, if they mess up, strip it all back down to the begining and start all over again.

I've had students who had this done to them before, and they almost had all of their stuff back and then they screwed up and it was back to bare room, and mom pickin out what they would be wearing all over again. They hated it but it made an impression and they are better for it.

Try what works for you. don't be discouraged. Remember while you are doing all of this you still treat them with respect and dignity while explaining the purpose of what you are doing and why it is being done. There has to be information given to them as to why it is being done, and make sure they understand totally what it is that you will not tolerate any longer. They have to know why it is being done and what behavior has to change, otherwise it is an exercise in futiity.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

And how old is the youngest (yuk, yuk)? First, you don't want to "demand" respect, you want to earn it! Second, if it's not too late, there's a thing called 'punishment', which can take many forms. You have a family meeting, you make some rules, & they cannot be broken. Have input from your little waywards as to why you are doing this. Enforce the rules by taking away privileges, such as TV, computer, dessert, etc. One punishment may be to force them all outside to play together! Another may be to get the biggest, meaness, ugliest woman in town to watch the kids for awhile & threaten them by saying she may stay permanently. Then there's always spankings.

Answer 4

Boot Camp, baby! Respect, structure, maturity, all that good stuff. Don't be scared to send them. It's for their own good.
But it might be smart to try and get to the root of the proble. Try and find out WHY they act the way they do. Do they spend a great deal of time around someone that might not be setting a good example? What about school. You might wanna look at the older ones because they are probably influencing the younger ones. You need to do something about this NOW!

Answer 5

You are the parent.its not to late. Some parents are scared to discipline their children, Lay the law down, start a home prayer time, encourage them chastise them with love, if you don't have a church youth group find a united pentecostal group. you can do it when you start don't look back stay with it. Its a hard time for our children in this world today you have to be parent and mentor all in one. It will all come together.

Answer 6

Respect cannot be demanded (that would be fear). I have four kids so I know this struggle. You have to deal with their heart issues, the disrespect is one way the problem shows itself, it is not the root problem.

Take them to a pastor or counselor but be ready to hear that you are as much to blame as they are.

Answer 7

Ready.... Strip their rooms of every piece of individuality..... Nothing but bed, dresser and nightstand. Blue jeans, white t-shirt and canvas sneaks... List of behavior that is to be expected. List of chores for each child.... and dont be afraid to swing the belt. When one breaks the rules punish all of them this way they are dependant on each other to follow the rules. This is harsh and very unfair but remember your the parent!

Answer 8

What have you done to improve the situation? I was a single mom after my husband died in 1979.
I had to use "tough love" on my son. It was tougher on me, I think. That was about 15 yrs ago and now he has a lovely family and he's a great son. There should be a "tough love" group in your area. God Bless you.

Answer 9

You have 2 let them know who's boss,be firm,but loving.Let them know that you love them,but also you want the respect that you are giving out!

Answer 10

Sadly this often happens when someone has too many kids and cannot give them the attention they need.

Answer 11

go hard on them but not to hard.treat them once ina while to show them you care but if things get your out of hand start taking things away from them and tell them you will give it back when they calm down.