This is driving me Crazy! what the hell?

Question

My Mother hasnt spoken any good words to me pretty much all of my life. when growing up she crtizised everything,made fun of me, made clean unnessesary ****, i wore second hand clothes, and she did everything she could to humilitate me, i couldnt have any friends, or phone calls, and not to mention the children i have seen her beat half insane including myself. She didnt just beat the **** out of me but she used objects ,like planks, extention cords, belts metal hangers. every move i made i was suppose to be pregnant, she accused me of doing reduculous things like smoking and doing Drugs. she lied on me and made ppl treat me badly only a few knew the truth. she never claimed me as her child. until 2006 when i graduated from college did she tell me that she LOVED ME !! now she calls me everyday just to see what i am doing. she invites me to come and visit her! what is going on why is she nice to me now! she suppose to hate my guts, now she wants to be my mother.

Answer 1

I think this is a matter best resolved in therapy.

Answer 2

Damn girl, I know your story.
Very well, as do, I am sure, a lot of other people.
The only thing I can tell you after thinking about this for YEARS.....you are the adult now.

Remember this.
You can sit around for years like I did and wonder why all this has happened and who is this alien that gave birth to you...or....you can just simply go on with your life.


Trying to figure all this out will do nothing but succeed in making you crazy.
Over the next years in your life some things WILL become much clearer in your mind over time and others will never be clear.
But please, don't exhaust your self in thinking about it.
It's a waste of your precious time and energy.

Be the adult now.

Be respectful, be decisive, and be FIRM.

If the calls every day bother you, screen your calls. Set a time once a week to call her back and then set an amount of time you will stay on the phone with her....and stick to it. You have your OWN life now to live.

You have the control now.

But do keep in mind, she is your mother, a certain amount of respect is required simply because YOU are the respectful adult now......even if she never was. YOU be the idea person because you know the effect she had on your young life. Strive to do much better.

This is not about HER now...it's all about YOU. Let it go. Lick your wounds. Heal. And grow. Set your own guidelines and live by them. You are the obviously hard working adult with a life a head of you.......let her be the child, it was her choice and no longer involves you.

Trying to figure it all out is pointless. Take it from someone who knows.

I read a book once a while back.....The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield. Interesting ideas. Made sense to me, put a lot of things in perspective. Check it out.

Answer 3

First congratulations for graduating college. You did an unbelievably hard thing without having any support from you mother.
You should be very proud of yourself.

There are so many reasons she can be nice all of a sudden. It can be anything from realizing what a horrible mother she was, to wanting money from you now that you are a college graduate with endless possibilities in life.

All I can say is give it a try. Go see her once, feel her out, if she is nice and loving she probably feels bad. If she starts saying she needs this or that or could really use your help financially. Tell her you'll see what you can do. Then go home and block her phone number.

Her problems are her problems, not yours. Take care of yourself and keep on track.

Answer 4

My father was and still is the same way, I am 27, been married for 9 yrs. and have 3 children. I was very abused as a child and until recently in 2005 I finally had the nerve to stand up to him and let him know how I felt. He didn't like it to well. I have not spoken to him since April of last year. I do not want a relationship with him ever again. Be careful with your mother, the things she did to u, u did not deserve and there would be no way I would ever speak to her again. No matter her excuse was for what she did. Parents are not to treat their children that way, and they should pay for what have done. If she wanted to be your mother and be their for u she should have done it a long time ago. I say it is a little to late for her to make her choice to become a mother. But you need to do what u feel u want to do.

Answer 5

Your Mother has a problem. But when you were young she was probably under a lot of stress taking care of children. She probably wanted you to go up right. In the older days it was OK to beat your kids. Spare the rod spoil the child type reasoning. Now that you have grown and proved you are a decent human being she realized she has missed the close relationship that a Mother and Daughter should have. She is trying to make up for lost time. It's your choice. I don't think anyone would blame you it you choose not to include her into your life.

Answer 6

That, my dear is called tough love. Some parents have been overly gratuitous to their children, only to have them tell them to kiss their a _ _! Some parents who do the best they can, tell their kids of all the dangers of life and are found to actually be abusing them, mentally and physically. My fiance went through the same stuff with his step father, but his mother added to it. As a result, he is the most adorable, intelligent, humorous, considerate, man I have ever met - out of abuse. The only problem is he was an absent father to his own child because he didn't want to be like his parents. His son understands and they now have a great relationship. My advice, get therapy so that you know what is a wingding from your childhood and that you do not become a part of the vicious cycle they say abused kids are. Yes, you were abused, but acknowledging it is part of the solution, getting help is the solution.

Answer 7

Wow! You have really had growing up difficult.. sounds like you even raised yourself......Who knows why people do what they do.?Did you have siblings? You said she even beat other children? Whose children? Some mothers i have found out, and perhaps fathers too, aren't capable of being a mother or father...Or they don't know how to mother, so they just pick and pick at that person...They really don't know how. Maybe it is a chemical imbalance.(needs medication,or on too much, or not the right kind) There are many parents out there who shouldn't be parents for many reasons.........I think if it were me, I would answer the phone one day, and just ask Mom? Why did all those things happen when I was growing up...You shouldn't have to name a certain incident, unless she is in denial.. Then name one...You need to talk to her and find out WHY so you have peace of mind..........You can be proud of yourself for struggling through life and managing to graduate college>>>that's great!

Answer 8

To tell you the truth, even i couldn't never forgave for all of that. She probably saw you as a good for nothing as a kid and know that your grown up and graduated from college she sees an opportunity. A good life,future and money. Sorry if I sound harsh. But your childhood was just playing wrong. Tell her that you only had a great future cause of the way she treated you. You coulnd want it any more just to do good for your self and get out of that life that she gave you. Tell her that she was not there for you as a kid your happy now you have a future for your self and dont want her to make you feel a good inside for a while and then mess it up for you again. well if that's how you feel.
Congratulations on graduating and just keep your eyes open.

Answer 9

I'd say she has a problem. Maybe she sees that you got your education and either she plain feels proud of you and feels good just acknowledging you are her child or she hopes you get a good job and support her at some point. You should keep some distance from her while being polite for you don't want to be dragged into her problems. Don' t ever give her money or lend her money for she will expect more. Get a caller ID and do not answer her calls. Just call back once a week and say hello. If she tries to tell you her problems in her life, politely say you are busy and you will get back with her. If you can, get a job and move away from her. Spend time with your friend who have similar interests instead of focusing on her. Good luck with your future.

Answer 10

I have a mother that is still emotionally and mentally abusive to me. She was never physical. And now she calls, e-mails etc. And swears she loves me though she's still the same woman she always was. She walked off and left me when I was 2mths old, but she still came around to make sure I knew where I stood with her. I spent my life trying to make her love me, Iam now 30 yrs old and finally realized that no matter what I do she's never going to care. If the bond isn't there from the begining, it can never be. There is just too much hurt and bad memories. It's all about her and how she feels. I know how you feel, I just aren't sure what to tell you, except to just be the best person you can be and learn from her mistakes for any future kids you may have.

Answer 11

I am sorry to hear what happened to you and I know there are many children that grew up in a similar environment. Its not easy.

I think that you probably want to understand your mother. Thats what it seems to me when I read what you wrote. Thats not easy as its hard to understand ourselves too!

However, many of my friends have used the service of a "graphologist" its a basically the analysis of your handwriting that tells you about your personality and behavior pattern....its an insight into someones personality. If your mother would agree to do this along with you ... that would be awesome!

I tell you, this would help ALOT! Even though you are young, this would give you a major "head start" in life comparing to people that usually dont even bother to analyse themselves. Do it for you first!

A major value of a graphological analysis lies in the increased understanding of people and the ability consequently to enjoy improved relationships both personally and professionally. It complements psychometric assessment because they each come from different directions according to the International Graphology Association.