my girlfriend?

Question

I'M 29 NEVER BEEN MARRIED SHE HAS BEFORE SHE HAS THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS I LOVE THEM ALL SHE JUST DOES'NT OPEN UP TO ME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THINGS I FEEL SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT. I DON;T FEEL LIKE SHE IS TRYING TO HIDE THINGS FROM ME. I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME. I'VE TOLD HER BEFORE THAT I'M A REAL LOVING PERSON I DON'T LIKE WALLS I DON'T LIKE NOT COMMUNICATING I CAN'T STAND UNCOMFORTABLE SILANCE WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER ABOUT FIVE MONTHS I REALLY ENJOY HAVING A HOME LIFE,BUT I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF THIS IS WHAT I REALLY WANT.I REALY LOVE HER AND SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.THIS IS SOMETHING I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND EVERY THING IS GREAT EXCEPT FOR THIS.

Answer 1

before we got married , my husband and i went through a book of questions together. we wrote down our answers on seperate notebooks and read each others.
all answers were either identical or completely opposite and 'cancelled out' the other.
the book '101 questions to ask BEFORE you get engaged' might help to make her understand your intentions.
when we did it, we sat together on the couch or table, read the question, wrote the answer, then talked about each answer. you might want to invite the children (depending on ages) in the conversation.
some of the questions are like 'when you are sick, how do you want others to respond to you? when a significant person in your life is sick, how do you respond?' there's a little notation at the bottom of the page about each question. something to make you think about the question.

Answer 2

Have you ever wondered what her previous life could have been like? I am 30 w/ 1 beautiful daughter. I got married at 17. The man I was married to physically and mentally abused me for 10 yrs. It has made me who I am today. I have become very outspoken and very aggressive towards men. Maybe she has issues she doesn't feel comfortable talking w/ you about. Communication is very important in a relationship, but if she's not ready to open up give her more time if you think she is worth time and effort. All though it's not fair you may have to pay for some of his mistakes. It took me 2 yrs w/ my new boyfriend to realize he's not here to hurt me...only to help. Good luck with what ever you decide!

Answer 3

Communication is the most important factor in any relationship. Everything else is based off of that communication. Love, openness, honesty and trust all stem from communication. You say you don't want to "waste" your time; you shouldn't. Your time is very valuable. Life is too short to waste it being unhappy. Five months is not all that long but if you are already unhappy because of communication issues, it likely will not get better. The real question is "do you love YOURSELF enough to do what is best for your own heart?"

Answer 4

A single mother of three children is probably an amazing person...strong and loving. Keep in mind that until she met you, she probably had to struggle and could only depend on herself. She may have been hurt badly by her ex. She needs time to learn to trust and open up again. She might be worried that if she leans on you, she might end up getting hurt again.

She is indeed fortunate to have met someone who's willing to take on a family. Often times, a man may be attracted to the lady but as soon as he sees the kids, he takes off.

If she is beautiful and you really love her as you say, then take the time. 5 months is not very long...take it a step at a time. One wall at a time. She'll likely feel comfortable soon enough but you have to be gentle. If you push too hard, she might just retreat further into her shell.

Answer 5

Have you ever thought that you are trying to hard? She may feel pressured. Give her some space. Enstead of saying "I love you so much baby,please talk to me" try this. "Hey baby, What's going on in that head of yours? Turn down the volume in there. I think it is just to loud!" I know this sounds way out of context,but we as men do not understand the female phisce. They love cocky stuff like that. I think you are probably pushing her. She wants you to be in charge. If I was a betting man,I would be willing to bet you let her make all the shots. Take her out to whever you want. Don't even ask her where she wants to go or what she wants to do. I think you will be pleasantly surprised....Keith...

Answer 6

She may not be ready to open up to you yet just wait and if you do things will change.I was married for 10 1/2 years before she died and I found out she had been raped about 4 yrs in to the mirage.So just have patience

Answer 7

Give her a break! She's obviously been hurt before and from the way it sounds she's very much in love with you. She probably feels like she doesn't want to dump a bunch of crap in your lap. Because she's probably scared you might leave her. If you love her give her a little space. Let her know you're there if she needs to talk. You'll get to the place you're wanting to be with her just take baby steps. Good luck.

Answer 8

My dad didn't communicate with my mom at all so they had 16 years of a bad marriage. If your girlfriend won't talk to you then that's what it will be like if you do get married. Do you know why her other marriage ended? If it was because of communication then I wouldn't want to be with that person for the rest of my life. Its all about trust, love, loyalty, and communication. If you don't have those then you won't have a successful relationship.

Answer 9

Depending upon how he exhusband was and how long ago the divorce was, she may be afraid you're going to hurt her or she may be putting up walls "to beat you to the punch". That way she has a "safety net". I know this must be very hard and frustrating, but you can't pressure her to open up to you, she has to be ready and willing to open up. If you give her altimateums, trust me, you're only doing more harm. Try sitting her down, let her know that you will be there when she is ready to talk about it and open up and take down those walls. You can't rush her, you must give her support and it's going to be hard for you, but trust me if you really love her, don't let her hurt run you off. And don't use her hurt and other problems to break up with her, it will only cause worse problems.

Answer 10

If you definitely love her and he kids then you will know the right choice. Just give things more time. But if you think it's not working out then talk to her and see what she thinks. Then if things surely won't work just move on.