I like who I am now; I'm adventurous and sporty, I love travelling and going out with friends. I don't want to turn into a suburban mum who pushes a pram about, gets all drab and boring and does nothing but housework. What a nightmare!
I don't really want to have kids because I think it will mean the end of my life as I want to live it and the end of all my dreams of travel and adventure, but my boyfriend is going to want them someday so I'm trying to figure out if I can cope with it.
2006-06-08 01:06:11 · 31 answers · asked by SmartBlonde 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Because someone mentioned it: I'm 30
I'm also a control systems design engineer, which means that I have a very responsible job that requires travel and occasionally long hours.
2006-06-08 01:18:04 · update #1
I don't think you are ready to have children...yet. Live your life as you want to for a while, enjoy your freedom and explore the wonderful world we live in. One day, it might occur to you that you're actually missing something in your life - children.
And, excuse me, but I am far from drab and boring - I have two beautiful children, just 3 and 19 months, run my own business from home, have time for gardening, shopping and lunch with friends.
It also helps if you are financially secure. I didn't have babies until I was in my late 30s a) because I hadn't met the right man, b) because I couldn't afford to have them and c) because I hadn't finished enjoying myself yet.
You don't say how old you are but you sound young. Live your life until you're ready and enjoy yourself!
2006-06-08 01:13:36 · answer #1 · answered by Roxy 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
No, only YOU can change who you are however having a baby is not with out responsibility. Having said that babies can fit easily into your life if you establish a routine and are consistent with it. I think it is great that you are thinking about it and making an informed decision. When I had my kids I established their routine and although some people think of it as regimented it worked for me and the baby, they (yes all of them) slept through the night from 6 weeks, often needed to be woken for a feed and were very contented. I went where and when I wanted, making sure that I was well organized and ready only took an extra few minutes. I'm not saying its easy, it is a big adjustment but you can do it if you want to and if you decide that you don't then don't and there is nothing wrong with your decision, babies are not for everyone. Mine are all grown up now but I still remember the looks i got when out and about one.... in the pram, one holding each side and the oldest holding hands with a sibling....yes 4 15 months apart.
2006-06-08 08:17:16 · answer #2 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every person is differant. There is no reason why you cant have an active lifestyle with children. Some people don't change that much and some do. Have children when you are ready. You sound like you are young and it's normal to want to have fun at that age but many times, priorities and desires do change as you get older.
I have 2 kids, 12 and 8 and even when they were younger, we were all out and about exploring, camping etc. I still go out with friends and entertain alot as well. My life certainly is not boring.
2006-06-08 08:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Having children will change some things. You have to decide which is more important to you. There are lots of things I used to enjoy before I had my son, hes 2 and a half now, I do miss those things but theyve been replaced by new joys of parenting and raising a beautiful child. You dont sound like youre ready to make any sacrifices in order to have children. If you arent ready, dont do it. Your children will suffer. Dont do things youre not ready to do just to make someone else happy. If he truly loves you he will understand where youre coming from. If your dreams are different from your boyfriends dreams you just may not be compatable. Best of luck to you!
2006-06-08 11:19:16 · answer #4 · answered by Mia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not every mother experiences a strong bond with their child. I've read about them, holding the baby and just not feeling anything for it. You say you don't want kids, who knows, maybe for you the experience will be similar to the women I read about.
At the same time, I think that a lot is down to you. If you want, you can bond with the child, play with it, feed it, and it will really reward you, because it will recognise you as it's mother. I think it's up to you to decide when you're ready though. If you just have a baby and expect it to revolutionise your life, you may be disappointed. You should make your boyfriend understand how you feel about having children whatever happens. Don't let him pressure you!
2006-06-08 08:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by Buzzard 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, it will change who you are. You can still the same person but at the same time you cant because there is a child to think about. If you dreams are to travel and go on adventures, i suggest take these up now before having children. Even thou many have still travelled with children, it can become a lot more harder with their schooling and safety to think about.
2006-06-08 08:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by lonely as a cloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes having a child will change your life forever but only for the betterjust because you have a child doesnt mean you have to become a recluse take your baby with you and do things as a family,you shouldnt start a family if ur not sure thats not fair on either yourself or your child
2006-06-08 17:11:33 · answer #7 · answered by Louise G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having babies will absolutely change your life. And, yes, it will tie you down physically, and strain you in every way, including financially. Your present dreams might never materialize after you have babies, or some of them only will, but much later.
However..... Nothing in the whole world could compare with being a parent. You will experience emotions at a level deeper than anything else might give you, joy, pride, angst, altruism, love. And you will touch eternity when you procreate.
2006-06-08 08:15:15 · answer #8 · answered by browneyedgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to change anything ~ you just have to be willing to make room in your life to care for your child. Be sporty, continue to travel, go out with friends. It's all about balance. I go out with my girlfriends every few weeks. My husband and I go on a "Mom & Dad" vacation at least once a year. There's no rule that says you have to hibernate for 18 years after you have a child. In fact, it's better for your kids (in my opinion) for them to see you having an active life.
2006-06-08 10:13:15 · answer #9 · answered by browneyedgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had my first child at 19 and now at 22 i am pregnant with my second child.I do not regret having my child so young and it does not stop you from having a life. But wait until you are ready. Having a child is a wonderful experience and you should treasure every moment as they grow up fast. Wait and experience what you want to do with your life. Remember you can control when you have your children.
2006-06-08 08:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes your life changes...but not the way that you are thinking. my husband and i still do what we want to do and we have two children. now we have to take them into consideration before we do anything. if it is something we want to do alone than we make plans to do so. if it is something like an amusement park we had to wait for him to get older. now we are waiting again. for the older part. the older a child gets the easier it is to travel i can say that. we take at least a trip to see family a year so, we know that we need to plan ahead.
i can say that children take the spontaneity out of things. instead of doing things in the moment you have to plan ahead.
to me that is how my life is changed.
i still have to clean the house, wake the dog, pay the bills...i just have companydoing so.
2006-06-08 08:16:27 · answer #11 · answered by evrythnnxs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋