can u tell me some good jokes?

Question

only because i wanna make someone laugh for a long timeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Answer 1

a wife asks her husband: "y r u so happy?"
"i dreamed i'm in heaven."
"were i with u?"
"yeah, thats how i know its a dream!!!!"




a young boy asked his grandma: "do u prefer to have s*x or to eat donuts?"
the grandma "i dnt have teeth anymore baby!!!!!"

so i think i deserve the best answer!!! ;p

Answer 2

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

Answer 3

After several years of marriage, Debbie's husband,
Mike, died suddenly.

According to his wishes, Debbie had his body
cremated and placed the remains in a small urn.

Several weeks later, Debbie came home wearing a
full-length mink coat and an eight-carat diamond
ring. She went into the living room, removed the
urn from the mantel and carefully tapped Mike's
ashes into a small dish on the coffee table.

"Mike, my beloved Mike," she began, "I wish to
talk to you. Mike, do you remember, for several
years you promised me a mink coat? Well, here it
is, Mike. Do you like it?"

"And, Mike," she continued, "Do you remember, for
several years you promised me a diamond ring? Yes?
You remember? Here it is, Mike. Do you like it?"

"Well," Debbie exclaimed, puffing Mike's ashes
into the air, "There's that b*** j*b I was
promising you."

Answer 4

You've probably heard this one, but its quite funny:

A mother enters her daughters bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition she reads it with trembling hands:

Mom
It is with great regret and sorrow that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that mom..... I'm pregnant and Tom said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams too.
I've learned that marujuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us andfor his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the cure for AIDS, so Tom can get better. He deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself some day I'll visit, for you to know all your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith.

P.S. Mom, it's not true! I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my school's report card that's in my desk drawer..Love you. :-)


A Kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"Howdo you know that the cat was dead?" She asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in suprise.
"You know, " explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

A salesman calls a house and a little boy answers.
"Hi, can i speak to your mom?" the salesman said.
"She's busy," the little boy whispered.
"Ok, then you dad?" the man asked with confusion.
"He's also busy," whispered the boy.
"Is there anyone else there?" the man asked in frusration.
"Yes, the fire department and the police" the boy whispered.
"Can I speak to one of them?"
"They're also busy," the boy said silently.
"What are they all doing?"
"They looking for me!" the boy said silently while opening the cuboard door slightly to check if anyone was coming.

Answer 5

Little Bobby went to the zoo munching on a bag of peanuts. He went over to the monkeys cage and threw a peanut to one of them. The monkey reached down, grabbed the peanut and stuck it in his a*s, then pulled it out and ate it.

Bobby was shocked! He threw the monkey another peanut and sure enough, he grabbed it and stuck in his a*s, took it out, then ate it.

Bobby called the zoo keeper over and said, "Watch this."

He tossed another peanut to the monkey who again grabbed it, stuck it in his a*s, pulled it out, then ate it. "Isn't that the weirdest thing? Why does he do that??", Bobby said.

The zoo keeper explained, "A few weeks ago, someone tossed him a whole peach and he gulped it right down. He darn near tore out his a*shole trying to pass the peach pit, so now he won't eat anything until he measures it first."

Answer 6

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Hey bartender, do you have any duck food?" The bartender looks at him funny and replies, "Get out of here duck, we don't server duck food in my bar."

The next day, same time, in walks the duck, "Hey bartender, do you have any duck food?" The bartender looks at him and says, "Look you stupid duck, this is a bar and we don't serve duck food. If you come back again tomorrow and ask I am going to nail your little webbed foot to the floor."

The next day, same time, in walks the duck, "Hey bartender, do you have any nails?" Suprised, the bartender simply answers, "No." The duck says, "Good, do you have any duck food?"

Answer 7

A girl was in a barber shop with her dad.
When they were cutting her dads hair, she was next to her dad eating a twinkie.
The barber said"Honey, you are gonna get hair all over your twinkie."
and the girl said "I know, im gonna get boobs too!"