Should I never speak to my mom again? Or should I give her a second chance? Give me your opinion please!?

Question

My mom has put me through a lot of crap in the past. She left me with a horrible father for 7 years, and didn't speak to me once during that time. Then, when he kicked me out because his current wife wanted him to, she came and got me. I thought I could forgive her and move on, but things just got worse and worse. We never bonded, and I still really don't know anything about my mom but her lies and deciet. I came home from school one day (I've graduated now) and she was gone! She had left with her boyfriend for another state! I mean hello! Arent kids supposed to be first? Because of her I got evicted and lost everything I own. Now she has contacted me and wants forgivness, and honestly I don't think I can do it. Why forgive the woman who took everything I know and love away from me? My family won't speak to me anymore because they say they never will unless I forgive her. When I graduated recently, no one was there. I dont want to be alone forever, but I can't let the past go. HELP! :(

Answer 1

She is and always will be your mom. she needs as much chances as there is air in your lungs

Answer 2

Wow. When I read the opening question, I thought of my history with my mother RIP and I thought yes, she should give her another chance. Wow. After I read the rest, I just don't know. I had a troubled relationship with my mom, but at least she always loved me. It doesn't sound that way with your.
I think you could use good counseling ( there is good and there is cruddy). I don't think you should conciliate with her just because you are being pressured to by the rest of the family. If you feel strong enough to do it and you want to do it because she IS your mother, then go for it (preferably after some counseling). But if you do, remember the kind of person she is and be prepared for her to hurt you again.
Don't be afraid that you will be alone forever. Even if you remain estranged from your family, one day you will meet a man to marry, and make your own family. You will work hard not to repeat the mistakes made by yours. If you get help and work out the emotional scars and insecurities that your past has given you, you will have a better chance that the man you choose will be one who treats you right and is a good father.
If you can't afford counseling, contact the County Mental Health department and they will help you out. Remember, if one counselor is not good for you (some are full of it) find a different one.

Answer 3

the thing is you can talk to your mother without having to forgive her. The situation is different now. you are no longer a child that should of been able to depend on her. Your an adult, so you don't have to put any real trust on her. if she leave again it won't screw up your whole life. Just don't give her anything or importance - rent, keys, responsibility, your heart, etc. Treat her as the acquaintance that she is- just go to coffee. this is only if you want to. and you won't be alone forever. go find new people and make your own family. true friendship is thicker then blood.

Answer 4

That sounds horrible! I'd say it's one thing to forgive, another thing to let oneself being treated badly.

I think one has to forgive to be able to be happy. Otherwise you'll keep the anger in your heart forever and it will always be there to haunt you. And no, I am not a Christian (nor religious in any way), but nevertheless I think forgiving/reconciliation are important concepts. Presumably to forgive, you have to understand, that is somehow see her perspective. We tend to see our parents as superhumans, but the reality is, they are just as troubled and helpless as we are ourselves.

On the other hand, I find it very hard to be around parents - somehow they always get the better of you and push you into the old patterns - we have trained to be in our roles for years and years, very hard or even impossible to shake it off. For that reason I never stick around my parents for longer than a day.

What does your mother want from you now? I think it would be bad if you "forgiving" her would be just the prelude to her putting you through more crap. I think you can forgive and still say that you want to keep your distance.

One thing I am fairly convinced of: one can't change ones parents. They tend to be old and won't change their ways anymore. So hoping they might become better people is probably futile (not saying impossible, but unlikely). Therefore either accept them the way they are, or let it be.

Answer 5

What a delema. I would say to your mum that you can forgive her but it will take a while but she should be more concerned about earning back your trust. This may take a long time. I would try to give it one more chance. You will only ever have one family (not including when you marry and have kids) at least you will have known you gave it all you could. Ask your mum if she would seek councelling with you. You have a lot of issues to work through. I wish you luck. I don't know what I would do without my family, it must be hard

Answer 6

Hey i know whatever your mom did to u was wrong. I've gone through difficult times with my mom too. But hey no matter what she's still your mom. I hated my mom because the way she treated me but i still respected her because she's my mom. And I have to accept the fact that thats how my mom was. Maybe it will be easier for you to accept the fact that your mom is maybe irresponsible, that she only thinks about herself.You should talk to her and express how you feel. Let everything out, tell her everything thats been in your heart and that your hurt. Forgiveness is the key to let go of that big burden off your heart and shoulder.Oh and take out a little bit of stress too. Maybe if you tell her how you feel and what you want it might work out for the best.

Answer 7

sorry to hear. its sad when parents chose over the boyfriend/girlfriend and dont remember the family. you should get with your mom and ask her all these questions why she did the things she did and see if she is womanly enough to tell you the right reasons and no bullshitting. and ask her why she should be forgiven if she was never there for you and didnt even attend ur graduation(congrats on that). just tell her how you were feeling and what u went through and see what she says. if she responds maturely then maybe give her another chance.

Answer 8

Wow, that's a sad story. Sorry to hear it. If you can find it in you to forgive her maybe she is willing to make it up to you. At least you could have your family back. You don't want to go through life without those connections. I know sometimes it is unavoidable but I don't think it is ever desirable to be alone. I wish you the best, good luck!

Answer 9

I too have had similar problems with my parents and looking back...

Some parents have children when they aren't ready to be parents, this really looks to be the case. I think you have to accept that, and move on as an individual. I think you can be bigger than that, in some regard, as it is in the past and really...

It is what it is, and cannot be undone.

Forgive your mother, but never let her mother you.


Losing a relationship with a parent like I did with my father is a tough thing, even if they do act like childish assholes.

Answer 10

Never forgive her, but you need some one to live with you & you can’t go alone, you bluff her that you forgiving, let her come to you
After some time you will know your self what to do, life is simple, the way your looking into it makes all the difference, keep going :)

Answer 11

I wouldnt say forgive her but maybe just have contact with her . Dont let her try to mother you, she made her decisions and its hard to let that go .My father left my mother when I was 6 yrs old and when i was 14 i got sent to him. didnt last long because he treated me like the 6yr old. Before he died 5 years ago he contacted me and tried to act like nothing had happened.I let him ,but i will never forgive him. So Dont forgive but have contact .You are your own person.