i'm 22 and my fiance is 27. we get married in july this year. i wanted to stay a virgin until marriage, but i also think it was b/c i was a little scared of having sex.
he has had previous experiences before and this makes me feel more confortable, but i am still worried about the wedding night...
please i would like some sound advice
2006-06-07 21:03:44 · 23 answers · asked by Mishaj 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Virgins on a wedding night are rare, indeed! I was one. Many people had some good advice for you, but there's something I don't agree with. Just because your fiancé has had sex, doesn't make him an experienced lover. The bottom line is that he's not yet had sex with YOU...therefore, he is inexperienced. Every woman is different.
Your fear is most likely rooted in 1) the unknown...the "big mystery;" and 2) ignorance (I don't mean this in a bad or critical way. I'll explain what I mean.)
The "unknown" will remain that way until you've joined with your husband. But even after that first time, it will *still* be mysterious because you'll both have SO MUCH to learn about each other and about yourselves. What you like, what you dislike, what really gets you going, what makes you giggle, etc. Have fun learning all that stuff! You're in this together. Communicate with each other. :)
Ignorance - Maybe you're scared in part because you have no idea what to expect. Maybe you don't know your own body yet. This isn't something to be ashamed of; it's just a matter of fact. The remedy for this is education. You and your fiance should read about and discuss together what to expect. How a man's body works, how a woman's body works, etc. Talk with each other about your fears, expectations, desires. And honey, do yourself a favor. Examine your body. Use a mirror if you have to, but get comfortable with yourself. The more comfortable you are with yourself, and the more you understand about you and your husband, the more confident you'll be that first time around and the more fun you'll have exploring! ; )
Now everybody told me I'd feel pain the first time. I didn't. Not a bit. That was partly because I had umm...can I say this on here? Well, I had an accident as a child that did away with "the veil that causes pain." You know what I mean. But sex can still be painful if you are not properly prepared...i.e. turned on. This is where reading a book on the subject can help you. Understanding precisely how your body functions internally and externally goes a long way to dispelling some of the mystery and fear. And if you're properly "prepared," it's not going to hurt.
So, read together, talk together, talk to close trusted friends, and then finally relax and give each other the freedom to explore and learn. Wishing you joy and much love. : )
2006-06-17 01:30:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have chosen to spend the rest of your life with this man, all you have to do is stay calm, and make sure he stays slow and gentle with you at first, as long as he is your husband, you don't have to be scared of having sex, you have chosen to give this man the greatest gift a woman can ever give to the man she loves. Be proud of that, and give yourself freely to him...and there is no law that says you have to give it up on your wedding night, if you aren't ready, then let him know your fear, and the two of you can figure something out together. I was married at 15, and I wouldn't let my husband touch me for 2 days after the wedding. If you are worried about the pain of having your virginity taken, it doesn't hurt very long, and then you get use to it. Now, go get married, and stop being such a worry wart, you will get your nerves even more jumbled up than they already are, if you keep thinking about it. Let things happen naturally, it will all work out for you, just follow your heart, it will let you know when you are ready. Congratulations!!!!!!! BE HAPPY!!!!
2006-06-07 21:15:31 · answer #2 · answered by tennessee_cherokee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, congratulations on achieving the ten-12 months Anniversary mark! So many couples are divorced inside a only some years, so congrats to you each on making it this a long way! Think approximately what varieties of matters your husband enjoys. Does he have any events? Is he into digital objects of any variety? Is he a gamer possibly? Is there something he can have recounted in dialog in contemporary months that he could love to have? Does he have already got an iPod or GPS Navigation System for his automobile? I purchased my husband a Garmin Nuvi 350 GPS for his birthday final 12 months and he obviously loves it! Is your husband into gardening, cooking, studying or something else that could supply you reward strategies? One day I overheard my husband speaking to his sister at the cell approximately "someday" in need of to get an extension ladder, so a few weeks later I purchased the special one he recounted in need of as a "simply on account that" reward. He nonetheless does not recognize that I overheard the dialog and that's how I knew approximately it. :) Congrats and well good fortune!
2016-09-08 22:08:45 · answer #3 · answered by delsignore 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you don't want to try it first? All men are not the same and some are just sorry. You know if you marry him and the sex is bad you are stuck with him. I would do it twice (cuz the first time may be a bit scary) and if you like it keep him, if not put the wedding on hold. Believe it or not bad sex can make a marriage hell.
2006-06-07 21:08:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is the way it was suppose to be, your first time with the man you will spend the rest of your life with. We all wished for this. You lasted this long then go ahead and wait until the big night he knows it's your first time so he'll take it nice,easy and slow. My advice is alot of kissing and doing things to warm you up and keep the baby oil near by. Congratulations!
2006-06-07 21:12:10 · answer #5 · answered by askmeguru21 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, Trust me....This is the best advice you will ever get...Do not get married until you are at least 30. Have your own experiences...Grow and learn a bit. Sex shouldn't scare you. Marriage, now THAT is some scary ****. If you don't take this advice now, One day you will wish you had....
2006-06-07 21:11:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there... I think it is totally awesome that you are saving your virginity for your wedding night. You will be fine... if you love him, sex will be wonderful no matter what... people who say sleep around first, or even just make sure he is good before you marry him, have never been in love.
2006-06-15 00:13:20 · answer #7 · answered by Sara K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first let me say that I think it's great that you remained a virgin..even if it was party out of fear...the best advice I have for you is to trust him...he has had some experience, and he knows that you haven't..if he's already making you feel comfortable i'm sure he'll be gentle and take his time with you...try not to worry about it..it's not that bad I swear.
2006-06-08 02:38:59 · answer #8 · answered by Syeira 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait until your wedding night. I suggest that you ask God for strength for your wedding night. God intended for the virginity to be broken on the wedding night. So I know you can wait. Im 21 ( will be 22 in october) and I am going to wait til my wedding night. Ask God for strength, wisdom and love for the both of you. Believe me you will be fine. God bless you! I will pray for you.
2006-06-08 04:19:17 · answer #9 · answered by Godisaboveall2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you have to do is stay calm, and make sure he stays slow and gentle with you at first, as long as he is your husband, you don't have to be scared of having sex, you have chosen to give this man the greatest gift a woman can ever give to the man she loves. Getting scared will make it more difficult to have peaceful and lovable sex. All the best
2006-06-07 22:06:44 · answer #10 · answered by its_anoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋