How can I tell my dad that I don't want him to walk me down the aisle, without hurting his feelings?

Question

My parents divorced when I was young and for the longest time, my dad was no where in my life. It wasn't until I was nearing my junior year in HS that he came back into my life (bringing along a drama queen-bloodsucking stepmother in tow.) My grandpa was the sole male figure in my life. I love him and am closer to him than anyone in my family, next to my mom of ourse. I'd like my grandpa to be the one to give me away, not my father. I'd like to break it to him as gently as I can. I'm hoping he'd see things from my point of view. you know, my grandpa helped raise me and taught me all the "boy things" a girl should know, like how to change the oil, shoot a gun, etc, not my dad, so why should my dad get to give me away? just because it's tradition? I know this wil cause a bit of drama on one side of my family, but I just wouldn't feel right having him give me away instead of my grandpa...yet at the same time, I really don't want to hurt his feelings. Any suggestions??

Answer 1

I had the same type of situation but i want my step dad to walk me down the aisle. honestly its not easy but the way i did was took him to dinne rthen went back to my house and just told him. it was akward but hard. I just kinda told him straight out there is really no easy way to tell him

Answer 2

Print out your question and show it to him (maybe edit out the part about the blood sucking stepmother). Your grandpa was there for you and you want him to walk you down the aisle, it should be that simple. It's a tradition that your father walks you down, but it's not written in stone. Your father should be aware of the fact that he wasn't there for you all those years. Has he mentioned escorting you, does he expect to do it? Be gentle with him when you tell him, but be firm, don't let anyone guilt you into something. I wouldn't make a big deal of it either with a big announcement at the rehearsal dinner or anything. Just have your grandfather do it and let people say what they will. Good luck

Answer 3

I don't blame you for this question it's got to be difficult....if your grandfather was like your dad, then he should be the one to walk you down the aisle. Don't let your step-mother be a part of your decision, as hard as that may be. Maybe explain to your dad (short and sweet) that your grandfather was with you for all the big things in your life - and that you want to keep that now. You could still offer to have a daddy-daughter dance at the reception or something like that...maybe even in addition to the traditional dance? It's your wedding - be creative and do what you want with your day!!! Good luck.

Answer 4

I had a friend in sort of the same situation. It was her stepfather which basically raised her, and her real father that came back into her life after she was pretty much grown. She had both of the walk her down the isle and everything worked out perfectly. Just a thought and noone gets hurt including the bride!! Good luck with all.

Answer 5

There's no way you won't hurt your dad's feelings, but you should just tactfully explain why you want your grandfather to give you away. Maybe you could let your dad walk you halfway down the aisle and then have your grandpa walk you the rest of the way and actually give you away.

Answer 6

My son married a girl that was raised by her stepfather. Her real father showed up in her life after she was grown. They get along well. She chose her stepfather to walk her down the aisle because he was the one that raised her and was always there for her. I was very proud of her for making that choice. The man that puts his time and love into your growing up is the one that deserves the honor. He earned it. Not the sperm donor. By the way, her blood father came to the wedding and is in the pictures.
Everything turned out ok. Good luck.

Answer 7

This is tough. I have heard of some brides having their father only walk them part of the way down the aisle and the other person walk them the rest and give them away.
It is done as a show of respect for their father, but reserving the honor of giving you away to the person you feel deserves it. You can tell your father that you are glad he is now in your life again, but since your grandfather raised you, you would like him to give you away. Since they shared in the responsibiltiy of raising you, you would like them to share the aisle as well.
Just one Idea. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

I think you are a very nice person because eventhough you dad left you you still dont want to hurt his feelings. I mean he did not care what you felt like when he left you (as you say he was never in your life). I think you should just tell him that he was never there for you when you needed him and that you are sorry but you dont want him to walk you down the isle.

This might be a little bit hard on him, but just like you said he was never there for you and therefore he shouldnt be the one to give you away.

good luck and congratulations by the way.

Answer 9

NO sweat! Just ask your grandfather to give you away. He will be honored to do so. Make your choice and stick to it. You do not have to do anything that you don't want to do. I don't even think that it's necessary to give your dad a speech about why you want your grandpa instead of him. Just announce it after you get your grandfather to say yes or ask him in front of other family members. It's your wedding, not your dad's.

Answer 10

Well....My dear girl.

You are in a difficult and rather rare sitch here.
And I'll try to help you out.

It truly is a tradition that your dad shud be the one to give you away.

First thing, tell your dad to meet you in a nice, quiet coffe shop at a appointed time without the knowledge or his drama queen.
Tell him that that you have something personal to say to him.

Second, order him a nice cup of coffee.

Third, start the conversation directly in a soft, gentle, composed, gentlewoman like manner.

Tell him about your past with your dad, and the phase of life in which you met your dad's drama queen lady. Tell him how you felt when you saw her.

Tell him what she does to you when alone with you.

Tell him alll that you feel.....from the bottom of your inner most heart.

You dad is your dad and you shud respect and love him for it.

Then ,slowly tell him about your grandpa. The things which he thought you, the things which he made you realise.

You have to make it sound heeart moving and really gentle.
So that your dad's heart melts at thevery sound of it.

And then finally tell him what you wud like him to do.

This is a request to your dad, therefore get ready to face the consequences of his decision.

Tell him what your feel about your situation.

And then ,if he tries to stop you, tell him to listen you till the end and plead to him, in a strict manner.

After you have spilled your heart out to him, give him a soft wet kiss and tell him to think over it and tell you his decision on a oppointed date in the same coffee shop.

Communicating in a soft, gentle, pleading respectfull manner with a hint of strictness is the key to your will.

If your dad is the ideal dad who knows what to do in a profitable way.................He'll grant you your wish.

And if he's against it........my dear, you can't do anything about it.

It;s your dad and you, his daughter.

Well.......I pray you'll be succesfull...^_^

Ps: one more thing, you have to tell him constantly that you really love him..

You have to make him feel special and you shud take care not to break his heart.

NEVER BREAK HIS HEART.