Difficulty in forgiving. Please give me some practical tips .?

Question

I have a difficulty in forgiving to a friend . He was my room mate & close friend before . He is working with me now . I really don't know how to work with him . Whenever I see him , I get irritated so much . This affect my work too. I really know the advantage of forgiving and it is the best revenge etc. But my emotions override all these logic . Please give me some practical tips .

Answer 1

The first thing that I want you to do is to sit down and start writing about what has gotten you upset with your friend. Write about what happened, how you feel, how it has effected your life, what your thoughts were, and then try to find a solution for the problem that started the whole thing. When you feel confident that you have written everything, read it to yourself. You can share this with your friend, or do whatever you want with it. (I throw mine away.)

By this time the anger should be gone.

Next, talk to your friend, and tell him why you are having problems with him. The hard part is to avoid blaming or criticizing him. It may be that he did not realize that he hurt you, and he will be willing to appologize.

Even if he does not appologize, forgive him anyway. You mentioned that you know the importance of forgiveness, so I presume that you also know that the only one being hurt by you not being able to forgive your friend is you, and you are doing it to yourself.

Set yourself free from the anger and the pain.

Answer 2

Has someone ever hurt you so badly that you just didn't know if you could ever look at them again? Talk to them again? Forgive them? Has the hurt been so deep, so profound that it seems to block out everything good and wonderful in your life? Do you want to forgive, know you should forgive, but just don't know how to do it?

You have the power to forgive. And yes, it's a power. It doesn't make you a super hero. Doesn't make you super human. Doesn't even make you a "good" person. But you have this power nonetheless. And it's as simple as making a choice. A decision. Taking a step.

The first step you can take is to recognize the hurt and anger that comes with it. Recognizing the hurt doesn't mean you say to yourself, "Okay, JimBob hurt me and now I'm angry." It involves much more. You have to let the person who hurt you know it, too. Be calm. Be intelligible. But be firm so that they understand just how deep the pain goes.

The second step involves understanding what has happened and how the other person views it. Could be they see it a whole other way. Could be they think they did nothing wrong. You might not be able to convince them they did or even convince them of how much you hurt. But telling them is a major step in your healing. Remember, we're talking about you, not them.

Step number three is probably the hardest one. It takes a major leap of faith and a serious commitment on your part. You have to let the anger go. Set it free. Unlock the chains that hold it bound to you. It's not something that's going to happen in one day. Maybe not even in one week. But it can be done. And it's one less burden on your shoulders.

With God's help, you can do all these things. Grab His hand and take that first step. Let Him carry you if you need it. God gives you the power to forgive. All you have to do is reach out. You have only to ask, I cannot forgive this person on my own. Please, give me the ability to forgive them. As you pray that prayer, make the decision to do it and act on it. Don't nurse the hurt and anger in your heart. Don't wait for the other person to make amends. You make the first move. If resentment and anger creeps back into your heart, remember that you have made the decision to forgive, and God has given you the power to do it. The record, according to Him, has been wiped clean. The wound has been stitched and bandaged and is healing. This will set you free. Remember, too, that if you don't forgive, God won't forgive you.

Matthew 6:14 & 15 (KJV) (14) For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Answer 3

Forgiving is a tough thing to do, but you'll be better in the long run. Think of it this way... you have a book that your holding against a wall. As long as you continually apply pressure (the stress of not forgiving) the book (issues) will stay in place and not move. However, if you take your hand away the book will fall away and so will all of the stress you've bottled up to hold those issues within. So whatever occurred, simply let it go.

Answer 4

You should try calmly telling this guy how you feel, this may help release some of the bitterness you feel. You also need to realize that forgiveness isn't for him, it's for you. Just let go and you'll feel much better.