Her son is 10, and seems to have horrible rages, is manipulative, dishonest, and rude (to her a lot). She blows all of this off and spends a huge amount of time making excuses for him, and "talking" to him about his "bad choices".She is a well-educated, regular mom. I don't even want my children around hers--but her son is especially worrisome. Should I tell her I am concerned? We live far apart, so visits are pretty condensed and intense. I could just try to ignore...but should I at least try to express that I am concerned about him?
2006-06-07 17:38:34 · 8 answers · asked by monchichi 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
She is your sister, so it can't be ignored.
Suggest: you write her a [polite!] letter [this gives you the space and time to sift out the best way to express yourself] (phone calls don't) and I would gently tell her what you have noticed, and explain why it is causing you concern. Put it to her, what would YOU do if this was happening to you? [reverse]
Hope this helps - either way, this boy sounds like he needs a bit of sound guidance doesn't he. Your sister might need a nudge in that direction and might thank you for it, one day!
2006-06-07 17:49:25 · answer #1 · answered by Tash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it really depends on the relationship that you and your sister have. If you are really close and share alot of things, then this is something you might want to bring up. You really have to be careful about how you go about telling her of your concerns though, you don't want her to think that you are judging her parenting abilities OR her son! You could calmly,while none of the kids are around, express your concerns in a loving and respectful, gentle way as to not offend her. This is a really touchy subject though, so be careful. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is compromise you and your sisters relationship, and both of your childrens' relationships with their cousins!
If you are not very close with your sister, I think you should leave the issue alone. Your first priority is to protect your own children, so if you leave the issue alone you can strictly limit the amount of time your kids spend with your sisters son.
This is a really touchy subject, so if you DO choose to bring it up, be sympathetic to the way your sister may take your concerns! Good Luck!
2006-06-08 00:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are her sister of course you should.. that is what families are for, write her a letter, explaining yourself, and that you are not trying to embarrass her, and that you know your kids are not perfect(even if you know they are).. be open to any kind of response, as she will be hurt, and quite resentful, but once the seed is planted in her mind, she will probably start seeing what others see. You could also try scolding the child in front of her, no physical contact, but say things like..¨Hey.. don´t talk to your Mother that way¨ and tell him that if he can´t be civil, he won´t be allowed back in your house.
2006-06-08 00:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by oneblondepilgrim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anger or rage is the flip side of depression in alot of cases.This child is not normal and she is doing a great disservice by making excuses for him.She needs to have him see a child psychologist to see what the problem is.She will have major problems later on with him if she doesn't "nip this in the bud"
2006-06-08 00:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by Elizabeth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same problem with my mom and my brother, i see him walking all over her but every time i told her or pointed it out to her she would get defencive and shut me out, but if you keep on and tell her that you're not only worried about her but about him as well maybe it would help in the long run... but i would make sure to tell her that she is a good mother, because sometimes hearing that your child is "bad" or does bad things may make a mother feel like a failure...
2006-06-08 00:45:25 · answer #5 · answered by Some Girl... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not you try talking to her son? Sounds funny but sometimes kids open up to others more readily than their own parents. I don't know whether your sister will be comfortable with this.
2006-06-08 00:49:17 · answer #6 · answered by shydock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely talk to her.
He may need medication.No shame in that.
Encourage her to take him to the doc.
2006-06-08 00:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by Ruthie1959 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no as a good sister that you are you should tell her that you are concerned and why
2006-06-08 00:44:31 · answer #8 · answered by casparin0324 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋