im board right now can anyone make me laugh or something...I REALLY NEED TO LAUGH!!!!?

Question

IM REALLY SAD...BOY problems!!!

Answer 1

ANGER MANAGEMENT 101

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I realized I had called the wrong number.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a_s_s_hole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks,when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a_s_s_hole!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a_s_s_hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company.
I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a_s_s_hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for... I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot.
The idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a_s_s_hole ( I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a_s_s_hole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?", I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a_s_s_hole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a_s_s_holes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as
it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an a_s_s_hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen..."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a_s_s_hole."

Then I called A_s_s_hole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a_s_s_hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a_s_s," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a_s_s_hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

When I got there, I saw two a_s_s_holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 news crew.

NOW, I feel better -

This is "Anger Management" at its very best

Answer 2

So one day this doughnut goes on a cruise! He gets really bored so he's walking around the ship and he comes across the little steering wheel for the ship! So he looks around and upon finding no one decides to drive the boat. So he starts turning right and left! GOOO DOUGHNUT! Then the captian comes! "Doughnut!! If I see you driving this ship one more time, then I'm gonna throw you overboard!!! So the next day doughnut is walking around and sees the steering wheel. He looks around and finds no one. So he starts driving left and right! GOO DOUGHNUT! Then the captain comes in and throws him overboard!

hahahaha! ok well incase you didn't like that one...

Once upon a time there was a rich man and a pretty woman. They date a few times and then the rich man takes her out on a dinner cruise. He takes her hand and proposes with the BIGGEST ring she's ever seen. Since she is poor, she decides she will marry him to get all of his money. So she says yes and he goes to put the ring on her finger but accidentally drops it in the water! But, of course, he is rich enough to buy another ring so they go order dinner. He tells the waiter he wants them to catch a fish and cook it in front of them to be sure it is fresh. So they catch the biggest fish they can find and cook it. It has a big bump in it, but they decide it is ok anyway. So they go to cut it open and guess what is inside....

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doughnut!

Answer 3

What do Kmart and Micheal Jackson have in common?
Boys pants are 1/2 off.

Answer 4

Dont be sad cause it wont matter in a week or two, anyway why do blondes take the pill? so they no what day of the week it is......by the way im a blonde. hope this helped.....

Answer 5

how did we know saturn was married a lot of times?
cuz it has a lot of rings
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when do austronuts have lunch?
during launch time
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what do you call a crazy spaceman?
an astro-nut
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what kind of songs do planets like?
nep-tunes
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what planet is on us?
uranus your're-on-us
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there is a kid and his dad.his dad was eating cereal untill the kid said dad! his dad replied, not now son. the kid said, but its important. his dad said, wait tell im done ok? so the kid waited.his dad said ok what did u want 2 say? the kid said, o nothing i was goin to tell you there was a cockeroach in your plate but its all gone now. dad said yyuucckkk

Answer 6

A: READ MY JOKE its in here somwhere. and the answer is a Cow.........