Mother In Law Advice...Please?

Question

I have had on-going problems with my mother in law since day 1. We hate each other and do not get along at all. I was just wondering if I should send her a birthday card... The deal is, I have been with my husband a total of 5 years (married for 3 1/2). I have always gotten her a card for her birthdays and anniversaries and other occassions just to be 'the bigger person' even when we weren't getting along (which was NEVER!). If it was up to my husband, he wouldn't get her one so I always did. She sent me a birthday card last year for the first time! And that was only because my husband was at their house around the time. We don't speak at all.. She talks about me all the time to her family and freinds. Even her 12 year old daughter! She has even stopped giving my husband anything (but a card) for his birthday but still gets her other grown kids things. I am sick of being the 'better person' in this deal? Should I skip out on her cards from now on? Would it be wrong?

I don't even want to send her one from the kids (5,3 and 19 months) because she favors the first daughter...

I KNOW what the problem is... It is not fixable. She is very childish! I am the one who has tried getting along with her! I am taking care of my husbands daughter and she is p.o.'d cause she wanted her! She is that horrible. She doesn't care that her first grandchild is taken care of by someone who loves her like her own! AND she treats that grandchild different because she isn't my biological daughter! She doesn't like the other two!

Also, she doesn't talk to my husband.. He knows how childish she is. She is very selfish and when she doesn't get her way she throws a fit...

Answer 1

Ugh, I'm not fond of my mother in law either but I would still get her a card...but only get cards from the dollar store (2 for $1). Don't spend $4 on a card for her lol. I'm sure each time you send her a card it makes her more mad (cause you're the bigger person) and making her mad is reason enough!

Answer 2

Well, the way i see it you have a chioce here. One, you can either continue this charade of fake friendliness and annoying politeness to each other's faces, or 2- you can move on. With my experience of my first mother-in-law (yes i said my first) we didnt like each other either, but we made no bones about it. It would different if your husband was hounding you to two to get along but it sounds to me like you said he doesnt really care. You can get yourself all riled up over her petty childishness, or you can REALLY be the bigger person and show yourself that it doesnt really matter. Or does it? That was the question that i had to ask myself in that situation, and to be honest with you. We both felt better afterwards not having to be fake to each other.

Answer 3

ok we are in the same boat trust me. my mother in law moved a month before we got married and i thought she liked me until we got some interesting messages now i dont know what to think. As my mother told me if u try to come between a man and his mother than u will push him to her. U dont want to lose ur husband to her. so i would say continue to be the better person. or u can always try to talk to ur husband and her together. lay everything out in the open. if u fight then fight and get it all out. maybe that will help. good luck and email me if u ever want to talk more about this lol

Answer 4

Don't send her one yourself especially if she isn't getting your husband much but get her one from the kids. It's always hard being the bigger person. Just think, whatever your beliefs, you can gain a few points for heaven ;) or karma is always a good one to think of too! Best of luck!

Answer 5

give up, she is probably feeding off this anyway. mother inlaws are the worst thing ever.dont send her a care, only see her when you have to and if she favors one of your kids, try and hole that one back and push the other two at her. Other wise she may start trying to make your own child resent you. I am in the same situation with my mother in law only i am the kids's step mom and they have no contact with their bio-mother, yet my mother in law pushes her ont hem all the time. but good lucka nd i hope your hubby stays on your side.

Answer 6

i think you should still send her a card, not necessarily to be the bigger person - but in case, you end up verbally arguining some time, you can always cover yourself saying that you always sent her cards and tried to care for the relationship as best as you could....

Answer 7

You probably should... All I know, is that I was in your situation for about 10 years. My mother in law was not nice to me at all. Last year, she died. Right before she died, she told me she loved me, a few days later, they pulled her off the life support and she died. I recently had a baby (9 weeks ago), we named the baby after her. Life is short. Mail her a card and forget it.

Answer 8

Wow. It sounds to me like the bigger person here would probably be the one to say "what is the problem here? why can we not get along? and what grade is it that we are in, anyway?"

Answer 9

You should never feel like you have to get her something. If you dont want to - then dont. She doesnt sounds like she treats you or your husband well anyhow.

Answer 10

I admire you for rising above her, I know its difficult. You are the "better person" in this situation and don't let her change who you are.