Tell me a decent joke.. The one who makes me laugh out loud will get 10 points?

Answer 1

High Tech Bodies

Three women, one Greman, one Japanese, and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound.
The Greman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.

"That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang.
The Japanese women lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly.
When she was finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech.
Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.
She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The Hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

Answer 2

A man walks into a bar and sits down. Then he says to the bartender, "Hey, willing to make a bet? If i show you an amazing trick, will you give me a free beer?" The bartender, being bored and curious, agrees to this deal. The man then takes a rat and a tiny piano out of his pocket. The rat then starts to play the blues. The bartender, astonished, gives the man his free beer. The man then asks the bartender, "hey, if i show you an even better trick, will you give me free beer for the rest of the night?" Finding it impossible that the man could perform a more amazing trick, the bartender agrees. The man takes out the same rat and piano, but this time they are accompianied by a frog, who, at the rat's music, begins to sing is unison with the rat's playing. Astonished once again, the bartender pays his half of the bargan. A second man, who had been watching the entire performance from the next seat down, then offered to buy the frog from the first man. "I'll give you $10,000 for the frog," offers the second man. "Sorry, but I'm affraid he's not for sale." The second man is persistant, so he raises the price. "Okay, $25,000 for the singing frog." Again, the first man declines. "No, he's really not for sale." Determined, the second man raises his offer once again. "$50,000 is my final offer." The first man is hesitant, but agrees. The second man gives him his money, takes the frog, and runs out the door. The bartender looks puzzledly at the man. "What did you just do? That frog could have make you millions!" The man just chuckled, then said, "The frog was worthless, the rat was a ventriliquist."

Answer 3

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".



2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was..

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."



3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"




5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."



6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."



7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples

Answer 4

Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Answer 5

An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal... Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, " Can you help me point my penis" ?
The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, " Hey! I'm grabbing it right"? " So I should look, I have a right"!
He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. " What the hell is wrong with it ?" The "armless" man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says "I dunno, but, I ain't touchin' it." and walks away.

Answer 6

A husband and wife were moving from Illinois to Florida. The husband left 5 days earlier. He sent an e-mail to his wife when he got to their new home. He accidently typed in the wrong adress, and it was sent to an eldery woman whose husband had just died. The message read:
"Dear my love,
I've just arrived for my destination. Plans are made for your arrival tommorrow.
Love, Your Husband
P.S. It sure is warm down here.

Answer 7

The old American absentmindedly arrived at French customs at Paris airport and fumbled for his passport.
"You have been to France before Monsieur?", the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The ancient Yank admitted that he had been to France before.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for inspection", snapped the irate official.
The Old Guy said that the last time he came to France he did not have to show his passport.
"Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France."

The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. "I assure you, young man, that when I came ashore on Omaha Beach in Normandy on D-Day in 1944, there was no damned Frenchman on the beach asking for passports.



On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on de good earth are dey for ?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. "I'll be damned", says the Irishman, "Dem boys at BMW tink of everything!"



Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So the that's what Joe did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!'"

Answer 8

A man walks into a bar and asks if they have salad.
The guy behind the counter says "no."

The next day the man comes back and asks for salad.
Again, the guy said "No."

The next day the man came back and again asked for salad.
The man behind the counter said "If you come in here one more time and ask for salad I will nail your feet to the floor.



The man walked into the bar again the next day and said "Do you have any nails"

"No"

Do you have salad?"

Answer 9

u seem to b an indian as it is "varma" ., so u will definately like this one:-
the film bhookamp(earthquake) was widely advertised on roadside hoardings.unfortunately,the signboard painter gave a new twist to the title of the film by splitting the word into two: it read bhooka(hungry) M.P.

Answer 10

One day, a doctor came into his office to tell his patient some news.
Doctor: Okay, I have good news, and bad news.
Paitent: Okay, what's the good news?
Doctor: The good news is you have 24 hours left to live.
Paitent: And the bad news?
Doctor: The bad news is I was suppost to tell you yesterday.