Are you the kind of parent that helps your children find solutions right away or are you more of the kind that steps back and lets the kids work it out on their own?
2006-06-07 10:21:40 · 17 answers · asked by Ann 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I let them "find their own solution" until I can't take the noise anymore. Seriously. Otherwise, I would always be in the middle of one of their goofy arguments about that Yu-Gi-Oh card is mine, she's looking at me, he laughed at me, she won't give me my game, he's being mean to me and on and on and ON!!! Unless they're bleeding from their eyeballs, I stay out of it as much as possible for my own sanity.
2006-06-07 10:30:59 · answer #1 · answered by browneyedgirl 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I'm not a parent but I have taught preschool for over 12 years and have learned that it is better for them to work out a problem for themselves with a little guidance. Say for example two children are fighting over a toy. I will say "It looks like you both want to use that (state the problem). Only one toy but two people that want to use it." The children will often say things like "I had it first! I want it!" I then empathize. "I can't tell that you really want that. It's very (upsetting, frustrating, making you angry) that Emma won't give it to you." I let them vent a bit then say "What can we do about this?" Sometimes they will problem solve on their own, other times they need some help. I might say "I have an idea! When Kate it finished with she can give it to you, or, how about Kate uses it for 3 minutes and then you can use it?" This approach works very well. Always state the problem, empathize, validate, and help the child identify their problem, restate their ideas to fix the problem, help them to carry out the solution. After the children figure out that I won't solve the problem for them, they get much better at solving their own problems. It takes some practice and active listening, but it works!
2006-06-07 18:19:20 · answer #2 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My children are 5 and 4 months, so I havn't had to deal with that yet. But one thing that I heard once on a parenting program was to sit them side by side against the wall. Tell them they can get up when the other one says they can. This forces them to work it out. I have no idea if it works.... I would probably see if they can work it out on their own for a few minutes. If it keeps escalading, I would intervene. It is our job to teach them how to deal with conflict, as they don't know how to yet. God Bless
2006-06-07 17:55:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is the constant decision of parenting. When to step in. You will be making it over and over every day from now until they die. I would say as long as there is no threat of anyone getting hurt physically or psychologically let them work on it. If there is hitting or name calling, step in to stop it.
2006-06-07 17:24:14 · answer #4 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step in BEFORE anyone gets hurt, or if they use name-calling instead of trying to argue their point. Teach them about real arguing, which is more like debate than dirty fighting. The second kind can lead to a lot of hurt.
2006-06-07 17:25:58 · answer #5 · answered by lottyjoy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends but mine are also still little, if it looks like it is going to end in a fist fight, I step in. Most of the time I stay out of it or get in it just enough to try to help them understand how to deal properly with a situation.
2006-06-07 17:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by cjones 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When they start to get really frustrated and raise their voices, or when it becomes apparant that they won't be able to work it out themselves. Then it's a good idea to step in, not to decide who is right or wrong. It's good to step in and just say, "lets see what we can work out together."
2006-06-07 17:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I usually let them work it out for themselves, until it looks like one is going to beat the crap out of the other. My step-son will usually hit anyone who is close even if they aren't involved, so I jump in pretty much right away when he is involved.
2006-06-07 18:14:47 · answer #8 · answered by momx4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I usually listen to them argue and pretend not to be hearing them. That way, when they come to me I already know who did what! Sometimes they will push and shove and they already know how I feel about hitting. I will sometimes MAKE them fight each other, they freak out and stop fighting automatically. But i tell them "You really want to fiight? we are going to this right" and they will stop fighting for a LONG time.
2006-06-07 17:32:18 · answer #9 · answered by Ladyshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once the name calling starts, get involved. Its not necessary for them to call names, that starts the hitting.
2006-06-07 17:24:45 · answer #10 · answered by voice_of_truth_777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋