Cancer's effect on families?

Question

I am doing research on this assignment and would be very thankful if anyone who has cancer or who has faught cancer could answer these questions. Tank you very much.

1) What emotions do people with cancer and their families go thorugh when they first hear the diagosis?

2) How do these emotions change in later stages of their life?

3) How does Cancer change the relationship between spouses?

4) How does cancer affect people's life with friends and relatives?


5) What is the best way to cope with the emotions and suffering related to cancer?

Answer 1

1. Shock is the first emotion that happens when a family member is diagnosed. Anger toward the doctor and the disease comes next.

2. These emotions change to acceptance after a time. Especially when the family member is doing fine, but in the back of the mind denial starts to appear. "The doctor was wrong" we said.

3. Cancer doesn't change the relationship of spouses who are in love with each other. One becomes caretaker.

4. People tend to shy away from the person with cancer, for fear of offending them with questions. Friendships can become strained, and family members stay away from functions.

5. The best way to cope with the emotions and suffering is to stick with family, friends and support groups. Emotions can't be changed, but they do need to be dealt with.

Answer 2

My husband passed last year - from lung cancer so I thought you woould like a "family" take on it. He left a mom, dad, brothers, sisters, aunts,uncles, neices,nephews, and myself but worse of all Our 9 year old son and my 3 month old twin daughters. He was diagnosed at the same time we found out I was pregnant and thank God the girls were 2 months early..
1. When we first got the diagnosis we were both scared.
2. A few months later he had the "I am gonna beat this attitude. He also began to have masive mood swings while going threw treatment.
3. We were still close and very much in love but there was something there that distanced us at the same time.
4. The relationships stay the same until the worst starts and then it all starts to get closer and spend as much time as possible.
5. There is really no correct way. It is all how you as an individual cope with things. I wrapped myself up in my pregnancy and he began to also and wanted to live.
His drive and determination is what helped me keep going all during and then after his death. It has been a year and yes I miss him a lot but I know he is here for me in a way that only people that have expierenced a loss of such a close loved one can understand.

Answer 3

Hello. I was just diagnosed with Cervical Cancer last week so I can attest directly what it's like for myself, family, and friends.

1.) There are four stages of grieving and every person goes through these stages in a different order but in most cases, shock and disbelief come first. Second is usually Sadness, third is anger...and eventually, a person might reach acceptance - the final stage of emotional healing. Some people can and will revert back and forth. For me, I keep going between sadness and anger.

2.) I was 16 when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's been cancer free now for 12 years. The fear and horror of that time never really goes away - if anything, it progresses along and makes you more aware of your overall health. Not sure this answers your question, because it's different for everyone.

3.) I am not married but I have a fiance and we are getting married in 2007. When I told him the news he was extremely supportive but scared too! If anything, our relationship has grown tremendously. I'm learning more so to rely on him for things I need (physically, emotionally) when otherwise I would be fairly independent.

4.) In most cases, I think cancer can truly define and show you who your real friends are. Family will always be family but not all family members know how to deal, or what to say. These relationships can grow or diminish. In my case, everyone has been extremely supportive and caring. Including my boss.

5.) I think for me, it's been the talking about it that helps. I go through periods when one hour, I'm good...the next hour I'm not. I find that allowing myself to feel what I'm feeling and to be able to express it is what coping is all about. I've also been doing a lot of reading on the internet and have reached out to people going through what I am...knowing that I'm not the only person going through this helps as well.

Good luck on your assignment.

Answer 4

1. My mom had cancer and she died from it last year in Jan. I was only 21 when I found out my had cancer. It was the most heart breaking thing to hear. It is very stressful, it is very emotional to deal with and it can really take a toll on someone's life. I know my mom said everytime we got bad new's, she was going to fight no matter what. I have a little boy and she fought for him. You never want to believe that someone you love has cancer.

2. It's hard to explain any of this to you. When my mom went into hospice care her last 3 week's of life, i still kept telling myself she was going home and she would be fine. You can only think the best and hope for the best.

3. Between spouses, I can't say that I know. I would have to ask my dad on that one. For a mother and daughter relationship, it make's a mother and daughter more close. I know my mom and I became a lot more closer when she got cancer then we had ever been.

4. When my mom was sick, I wasn't a very social person. I was angry at everything and everyone. I never wanted to here people say that they were sorry. I never wanted people to offer there help. I know for my fiance and I, it was very hard. When my son was born, my mom got cancer 5 months after he was born. It was very stressful for me never being home and him being a single parent while I took care of my mom. I never wanted to talk about what was going on inside, even after she died.

5. The best way is to deal with it one day at a time. Enjoy every day with the loved one that has cancer like it were going to be there last day. It is not easy dealing with, but it make's you grow up fast and face life.

Please if you need any more help, let me know. you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 5

Hi, My Dad was diagnosed just 6 months before he passed away this past January. I hope I can help:

1. At first you're in shock and it's like a bad dream, a never-ending one. Then you want to know every little thing about the cancer--from treatments, prognosis, possible complications, and all the inbetween things.

2. Soon the shock turns into depression. My poor Dad--I think he went through as much mental pain as he did physical pain. Luckily the doctors provide meds for this. Later on, my mom & I realized his depression was worse, so we asked the doctor to increase his dose. I don't think the depression ever goes away. He just loved life and his family and it was very hard for him.

3. My Mom held strong for my Dad although she seemed in sheer panic with worry about him, to the care he received, and anything to do with his illness. I saw that side of her but she was strong in front of him. I think people become stronger when they have to. I know she was and I was too--surprising both of us I think.

4. My Dad was always happy to see friends and relatives, even though he often didn't feel well and was in a lot of pain. It was strange in a way though--people he knew from church came to see him constantly and were so good to him and my mother. Most of our relatives were the same way. A couple relatives though & a couple of his friends I assume didn't know how to deal with things and we didn't see them nearly as much/almost not at all. This is the time the patient needs people to pull together for them! And when that happens it not only warms the patient, it warms the family as well. Very much so!!!

5. The best way to cope with the emotions and suffering is to be honest right up front, right from the start. It's a very difficult time but being truthful sets a lot of things free and is so much easier to deal with--both now and later on. And when you hear the patient complain over and over about something, have compassion and honestly try to help. Some people just get tired of the complaints and to me that is just sickening!

Answer 6

Hi,
Read my post on www.rdoc.org.uk - on entering the site click on Ananth's story which you will find on the right side of the main page. I imagine you should get a fair idea of the trauma and ordeals the family go through. I am married, have two teenaged sons - both in high school, my widowed mother and old spinster aunt that I have always taken care of - being the eldest and such the onus falling on me. I still continue to look after my family in the same way - with all their wants satisfied even though I went through hell for six years. I till date ( five plus years now) have not been able to even sip a drop of water and feed thru a peg tube in my stomach and breathe thru a stoma in my throat. I however made some innovations by which I can talk without too many problems as thats a must for my job as the head of one of the largest MNCs in the world - looking after their subcontinent sales and marketing. I still work 14/16 hours a day and follow a strict regimen. Do go through my storyand you will see the answers to all your questions. My story was published in The Readers Digest, in Life Positive - the US edition and TODAY the poplular Delhi daily and have also been invited to share my thoughts on NDTV.
Have a look,

Take care and regards,
Ananth Shenoy
[e-mail]

Answer 7

My mom was diagnosed with non-treatable cancer 4/29/06 and given less than 3 months to live.
At first I thought my sister was joking when she told me. Even now, it seems surreal. I visit her every weekend - she requires 24 hour supervision now secondary to the pain meds as they decrease her level of alertness and significantly decrease her ability to stand by herself, and decrease her safety awareness (she tries to stand up by herself and wants to smoke, but keeps falling asleep with a cigarette). She has times when she copes with her diagnosis very well, but last weekend, for instance, she sobbed about not being ready to leave her children. I am almost 34 and am the youngest of 4, so we are all able to take care of ourselves. But, as a mother myself, I can't bare the thought of leaving my children either. As for the relationship between spouses. My mom and dad have a VERY strange relationship. They were marrieed when she was 15 and he was 17. Although they still love each other, they can't live together and have been seperated since 1988! This has brought them together. They have had many tears shed over the wasted years where all they did was fight. As for my siblings. I have one who feels like it is our sole responsibility to take care of her at home (mom's wish). So, she, who is disabled and a nurse, is mom's primary caregiver. I go down every weekend, although this is causing my kids (especially my 3 year old) some concern because she misses her mommy. My other sister expects to be paid whatever salary she loses while she is helping out. Then there is my brother who lives 15 minutes away (the rest of us are anywhere from 1.5 hours - 8 hours away) visits for an hour once or twice a week. Needless to say, that causes problems between the siblings because we all have different feelings as far as who should be taking care of her (nursing home, private nurse, or family). So, there is a little bit of what is going on in a family of someone recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. Hope this helps!!

Answer 8

my mother was first diagnosed with cancer when i was 13years old ,i was told it was in the later faze .and she had at most 5years. it was hard to deal with at first,i started drinking and stuff.maybe because it was a vent for frustration.my father i don't know what he was going though himself,but he loves her ever much i think,so i have no doubt it was hard on him.when she came back from the radiation treatment she looked shot,tired all the tine so on.but she is still alive ,i had a friend die a couple years ago of cancer,my main regret was the last time i saw her she was in a wheel chair hair gone,i was being rushed in the store so i didn't talk as long as i would like to of.that eats me little.but i thought i would see her again.my mother has had cancer for twenty three years now i know that's not always the case.and i like to think i will stop to spend time if i have another friend who gets something like cancer,that can kill.best way i can think of to cope with the emotions if they die is to remember the good parts,but do not forget you are living now,the friends you can do something for is what is important now .but when i am ready i think of the good of my past.and am happy those people were in it.even if not as long as i mite have hoped. there is hope of surviving cancer my mother has,so there is hope

Answer 9

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, In 5 minutes time I went from wanting to throw the doctor out a window, to scared to death,and wondering how I could go on.
Then I calmed down and said to him we will fight what we can, accept what we have to and live each day like it was our last.
Our friends were very supportive,our family pull closer together.
Have your ducks in a row so to speak.
I lost the love of my life St. Patricks Day 2003 just 10mos after he was diagnosed. By the Hospice help alot.

Answer 10

i have cancer the first thing when i told everyone my family and friends dident wont anything else to do with me not even talk on the phone.everyone acts like i have something they can catch..i have had it for one year and been going through treatment.. some people says if you need something just call but when i call they dont answer the phone and dont return the call for 2-3 weeks later....