hates us or it seems. We are great parents. she is a sports star. goes to all the training camps, she is really beautiful. very popular, Honer roll It's just us she dislikes. her mom who has boo coo bucks and a lesbian says she will take her. She does not want to go live with her mom.She is ashamed of her lift style and says she never wants her friends to know.I can't force her to go and I dont want her to go. I just want my sweet little girl back. Anyone got some thoughts and any one who has been where are at.. Help why does she hate us?
2006-06-07 09:26:57 · 52 answers · asked by poco 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
shes a teenager. its not that she doesent love you, its that shes distancing herself because she is trying to find out who she is becoming. what most people see as rebelliousness is atually a search for identity. DO NOT interrupt it. im not saying go and let her do as she pleases, hell no. my brothjer was searching for who he was and my dad didnt like where he was searching, my dad tried to put a stop to it and my brother has been stuck in that mode ever since (hes now 26).
shes searching for her true self. just try to keep her on the road.
2006-06-07 09:32:35 · answer #1 · answered by johnny_zondo 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Most kids go though that stage. You may have to gain her tust back. Usually at this age kids stop looking at a parent as a rolemodel but look for a partner. Good thing is to do some fammily outings or othe ractivity. However if she has already a negative stand it wount be easy. Also friends play a big role. Mayby you can do something with the parents of her friens like a park outing at a lake. If things go really bad you should contact a fammily counselor I ques the city sends a person for a talk. But I think its a rebelious age and most kids had it at some level. Don't try to elevate any quarel, and try to listen. Usually it is both sides fault.
As you becomming of a partner than a role model to her you shoult tell her life problems ocasionally to. Things should uravell slowly. Dont forget to do outings if you can it takes mind odf problems and when you come home everyone has a new pespective forgetts allot and settles.
Usually being nice and allowing, is good too. About you Mayby you need to have more of your own friends to visit so you can regain a family life.
Good luck . Mike Borowiecki
2006-06-07 09:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be upset.....she does not hate you....it always seems that way when they are that age..for one she wants to live w/you and not her mom...2nd she is now a teen...boy, they go through ALOT of things...fitting in w/their friends is a BIG one! I'm a step mom and been around since they were 4 and 3....they are now 13 & 12. It is a hard age..alot going on for them...things are even SO MUCH more different than I was @ that age....grow up to fast..so I can not even imagine how different it may have been for you...just try to talk and keep things open.....it won't be easy...but don't pry alot...yes, you need to know what is going on but some things are between them and their friends. they all want to be independant...but sometimes they can't handle it...not ready. Try to do some special things with her....shopping, letting her pick out her dinner menu a night a week or something... She also may feel a bit odd that her grandparents (who can be much older than her friend's parents) are raising her. Not to mention she is ashamed of her mom.....just take a deep breath and remember all those hormones will blend and when she is older things will change. BUT, don't let her run your lives..you have to keep her respect for you both. Don't spoil her or give in or it will make things worse. I wish you the Best of luck. If you ever need to vent IM me.
God bless and good luck "mom"
2006-06-07 09:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by AQHA34 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you can't force her to go and you do not want her to go. Were the two of you going to let her go and live with her mother? Because, she would not want to go if everything is all right at school unless you made that suggestion to her about living with her mom.
Another question: Why is she ashame of her mom being a lesbian? Are you, yourself, ashame and thus, made her ashame of her mom as well?
Does she hate you or the both of you because
A) you are bringing up the fact of her living with her mom
B) the fact that she hates her mom's lifestyle (there has to be a reason)
C) that she thinks she is not being "wanted" a second time
D) that her grandparents raised her, and not her mom, and she feels resentful for that, taking it out on you
E) ALL OF THE ABOVE
For a 13 year old honor roll all-star student, you have to realize this is when she is becoming a young lady, a women. She is going through a lot. My best advice is to sit down and talk to her. Let her tell you what is going on. Tell her to be as honest as possible.
But, in doing that, don't you dare backlash at her for telling her feelings. Then, she will resent YOU and YOUR HUSBAND and her MOM all together. Then, you think you've got trouble now.....you will be up sh*t's creek without a paddle!
I suggest you do this NOW. See how it came for her to feel the way she does. Something trigger her to act like this. Her friends, the comments made, t.v., whatever. Just TALK TO HER!
2006-06-07 09:39:31 · answer #4 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read a couple ot others advice here and I agree too , Let the child have some space if you smoother her with why this and why that she won't like it or you allow her some time alone and she will eventually come to you in a few hours or even days maybe. She needs time to figure out things in her head . i am sure that you are good parents , she needs to know that she is loved by you and her grandpa or whatever you call each other to her. If she doesn't come to you just let her always know anyways, that she is loved daily put your arms around her hug and tell her you love her and then take her out to eat , to ball games and things like that yeah i think she will like to go to a good ball game too, bowling and other things as well. Don't give up on her she still is young , try to remember when you were her age , Talk to her family members mom included and let her tell them how she feels and just you ok. hope this will help.
2006-06-07 09:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by dixieprayerlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a teenager, and is experiencing the normal psychotic break-downs teenagers suffer from. She doesn't hate you, she doesn't even know what's going on in her own head most of the time. She is going through a self-defining stage, and will be in that stage for a few years. Sadly, it's chemically induced, meaning there are some serious hormonal imbalances in your little sweety, and until they settle down or clear up small things will continue to outrage her. This generation or teens is completely and I mean COMPLETELY different from any of the previous batches. I personally blame too much tv, but what do I know.
All you can do is nuture her.
2006-06-07 09:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by Lian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need a hug. Remember she is 13 and going through alot right now. She doesnt hate you - I am pretty sure of that. 13 is a tough age to be at - not quite a girl and not quite a woman. I imagine she is going through normal hormone changes trying to find her place but to her everything in her world is changing. You know how dramatic teenager girls can be. She is simply growing up. Some girls have trouble with this transition and become moody. On top of her hormones raging out of control, her body changing more and more every day and the normal teenager experiences all girls go through she is also dealing with issues with her mother. So that is a bit more extra burden than most teenage girls. I remember being that age and taking a bit of an attitude to those I care about. It also lasted a while before I snapped out of it. Just be supportive to your granddaughter, continue to be there for her. I know it is difficult to do and a whole lot easier to say but talk with her. I knwo myself at that age was pretty much a one way conversation with my mother. I only thought to myself she didnt understand and she didnt know what I was going through. Remember she is at that age - dont treat her so much as a child as she is striving to grow and become a bit more independant. Tell her now she is a teenager you want to give her an added responsability, tell her you are proud and try to keep the door open for communication with her. Even if you think you are not getting through to her with no response or glimmer of hope within her she is listening and will come around in time. Believe me when she is older she will realize just how lucky she is to have a grandparents like you. Also try to get her a diary or journal (with a lock - this way she knows it will be kept private) to exoress her feelings and what she is going through. Also try the bookstore or more online for ideas on how to communicate with teenagers. All the best of luck to you.
2006-06-07 09:44:40 · answer #7 · answered by M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are abusive in any way then she may hate you for that reason. But if you are showing all the love you can without spoiling her then she has other issues. When teenagers get to that age they have a tendency to want to have their way whether it is right or wrong. And if they don't succeed then they rebel in all sorts of ways. And then again she could be taking her personal problems out on you because a lot of times people has this tendency to take things out on the ones that is the closest one to them for some strange reason. Her mother is in a relationship that she can't accept neither do she want anyone to be aware of her mothers lifestyle, that is saying so much right there so that is one of her problems. You can get help for her and take her to church. If you are a stern parent then that could be a stumbling block for her. Be stern but give her a little room to breath also. Do you ever do anything that she likes to do? Regardless of her attitude, if you are doing everything right according to rules and regulations, her age, having some understanding with her, showing your love to her but punishing her on grounds of disobedience and being there for her, then you shouldn't feel guilty about anything. Just as a few others has said that is her age and of experience of similiar, maybe she is going through a phase and she will grow out of it because she knows who really loves her. Just be strong yourself and don't give up on her.
2006-06-07 10:00:46 · answer #8 · answered by rosie24501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my heart goes out to you. I guarantee you she doesn't really hate you.
But she is 13 years old, you know. That "sweet little girl" is starting to assert herself and is now entering a very rebellious period in her life. She craves "space" and "freedom". Tell her that she gets space and freedom in direct proportion to how much responsibility she demonstrates.
The rebellion is normal. It doesn't last forever. And she'll be back to appreciating your love and grandparental sacrifices soon enough (usually once they finish high school).
Our daughter was a star swimmer who just up and quit at age 13, said she didn't want to "be a jock" anymore and went off on a maddening search for coolness and self-assertion. It lasted about 60 months.
She's 24 now, very successful and calls her mom EVERY day (sometimes several times).
2006-06-07 09:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be partly due to hormones. Therapy might help, just to give her someone to talk to. Just love her. Keep the rules going strong, but make sure to tell her how much you love her and give hugs. Being a teen is a hard part of growing up. Sometimes just knowing someone is there for you irregardless helps. As long as you keep loving her, she'll be your sweet girl again one day. My Mom and I had issues when I was a teen, but now she's the first person I want to call when I'm happy, angry, sad, or just need a little encouragement.
2006-06-07 09:40:58 · answer #10 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she hates you. She's 13 and you know how that can go with girls. She's trying to figure out who she is based on her situation. Tell her you sense something is bothering her. Just talk to her and let her know she can come to you and talk about anything anytime and that you love her no matter what. Keep in mind when you make that offer, the strictly listener hat has to go on and you have to forget to some degree that you are her grandparents/parents and not react to what you might hear. Only give input if she asks for it. Don't force the issue
2006-06-07 09:31:38 · answer #11 · answered by eehco 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋