what is a muslim wedding like?

Question

iam getting married but my fiance is muslim and iam catholic. iam just curious can i wear a white dress.

Answer 1

I write what I write below assuming your fiance holds citizenship (perhaps dual with US, but nonetheless) in a Muslim country.

The actual wedding itself is very simple. But beforehand you will have to sign a wedding contract - which should be very detailed, particularly if you ever anticipate spending time in a Muslim country together, because essentially, any rights that are not explicitly spelled out in your contract CANNOT BE GUARANTEED.

So you need to find out a good deal more than just whether you can wear a white dress. To be properly informed, first of all, read the Qur'an. But this will not be enough, because there is a huge body of sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, and 'official interpretations' on all subjects, especially that of marriage. For an overview of the issues, see below. You can also do a web search on 'Muslim wedding contract' or 'Muslim prenuptial contract' or something to that effect.

To be more specific: you need to spell out such things as:

1) The exact nature of your financial relationship.

Traditionally, he pays you a bride price (mahr), sometimes it will only be paid in case of divorce, or you'll only get part of it until you have borne your first child, or until you get divorced, or else it will all be paid up front. You have to stipulate what you do or don't expect in this area.

Traditionally, this money is YOURS. You are not required to put a single penny into the upkeep of the household. That is supposed to be his responsibility. However, this does make you in some measure at least financially dependent on him, and you may or may not want this. It all needs to be put in the contract, exactly how you want it, exactly what your financial relationship will and will not be.

2) Working outside the home.

The question of whether you will be allowed to work outside the home, whether you will be allowed sole discretion or at least final decision-making power in the matter of what job you take. All expectations must be spelled out, otherwise he is legally allowed to forbid you to leave the house at all, and have the final say in whether you can work, and if so, where.

3) The extent to which you are allowed to move about freely without your husband's permission.

In very traditional circles (e.g. in Saudi Arabia), even the wedding contract may not be enough to guarantee freedom of movement. But you may be able to put in a provision, for example, that he agrees to provide, immediately on demand, any necessary written permissions for you to travel at your sole discretion (amount of time, distance, in whose company, or whatever other conditions you wish).

4) The question of obedience.

Are you willing to obey him? Traditionally you must. The only way you can counteract that is to insert a provision into your contract stipulating that, for example, both parties are entitled to respect - equal respect - but neither is entitled to obedience.

5) The question of wifebeating.

The traditional interpretation of the Qur'an does permit men to beat their wives as a last resort. The procedure is supposed to be as follows: 1) admonition 2) sleeping separately 3) some sort of corporal punishment (the exact kind depends on who is doing the interpreting - theoretically everyone agrees that he isn't allowed to leave marks on your body or hit you in the face). I have seen interpretations of the third point suggesting that what is meant here is not corporal punishment at all, but separation, but they are not common.

If you are not willing to allow corporal punishment, you will have to put a provision into your contract that, for example, neither of you is allowed to use force of any kind (physical/otherwise, depending on what you decide) on the other to compel them to do your will.

6) Polygamy.

If you are not willing to allow him to take other wives besides you, you need to put a provision in that he agrees not to take any other wives besides you as long as you both shall live, and that should you become aware that he has another wife/wives besides you at any time, regardless of when he married them, you reserve the right to an immediate divorce without any financial penalty for you.

See, normally it is not possible for a woman to divorce a man in Islam. She can 'redeem' herself by giving up part or all of her mahr, but that is probably not what you want, if the reason you want a divorce is because your religion teaches that what he is doing is adultery. This is why you need to specify that you are entitled to a divorce without financial penalty in such a situation.

And if you do not want him to take another wife - even if you can't have children - then that needs to be clearly stated, for that is one of the prime reasons that men acquire second wives.

7) Hijab.

In principle, he is allowed to compel you to wear Islamic dress, according to his interpretation thereof, even if you are not Muslim. If you are not willing to do this, or are willing to go only so far but no further in dressing modestly, you need to specify the dress code that will be expected of you.

And you should also spell out what dress code will be expected of him, if it's a deal-breaker (i.e. you don't want him wearing skin tight jeans and shirts unbuttoned to the waist outside the house - I am told that Gulf Arabs expect very conservative dress from their women, but they themselves walk around in the garb I have described.

Hijab, furthermore, is more than just dress. It extends to things like whether you are allowed to spend time with members of the opposite sex outside your family, even sometimes whether you are allowed to leave the house without a male relative, speak in public, wear shoes or other items that make noise. All of this must be spelled out, what the expectations for both parties will be.

8) Your children.

If the man is a Muslim, it is automatically assumed that his children will be Muslim. If you wish to reserve the right to teach your children Christianity and, for example, leave their choice of religion up to them, then this needs to be clearly stated.

You must figure out how to put it in your contract AND MAKE IT STICK LEGALLY in the country of your fiance's origin at very least, and preferably worldwide, that he is not entitled to remove your children from your present country of residence without your express permission, and that if he does so, you are entitled to remove the children from his custody by force. I don't know if it is possible to make this stick even if it's in the wedding contract, but you need to try to figure out if you can. If you can't, you need to put your children in the registry so that they cannot obtain passports without your consent (web site given below).

You will need special provisions for your girls, to make sure they are treated the same way the boys are. Otherwise, your husband may be able to prevent them from moving freely even after they have turned 18. The matter is somewhat mitigated once they turn 18 because presumably they will have dual citizenship and can then seek help from the American consulate.

There is also another thing to consider in the case of female children. Find out what your fiance believes about female circumcision - particularly important in the case of an Egyptian, because apparently 90% or more of the girls in that country have had some sort of operation to remove some or all of their external genitalia. If they are lucky, it will be done in a hospital with sterile instruments, and only the tip of the clitoris will be taken. Not all are so lucky. Make sure your fiance knows what you believe, and make sure that the marriage contract guarantees that your children's bodies will be treated in a manner consistent with your standards.

For that matter, now that I think of it, it is rare, but not impossible, that a Muslim husband will expect his wife to submit to such an operation if she hasn't already. Make sure this is discussed and that there is a provision in the contract guaranteeing your right to treat your body in a manner consistent with your convictions.

Another thing: if, God forbid, you get a divorce, under Islamic law the 'default custody' for children is the father, *not* the mother, unless the children are small - especially in the case of sons. You need to discuss this and figure out how to make it stick legally for you to have the custody arrangement of your choice. It may be impossible, depending on the country in question - the marriage contract may not be able to supersede the 'general case' law.

I should point out that it may be difficult or impossible to get your fiance to sign a contract with this kind of provisions, and in the more conservative countries, he could even be risking his life if he signs a provision stating that the children will be allowed to choose their religion for themselves - in some circles, he would be treated as one who has abandoned his faith and is therefore subject to the death penalty.

For the other provisions, in the more conservative countries there is no legal way to actually prevent your husband from doing these things, except by divorcing him. Therefore, it must be in the contract that you are entitled to a divorce without financial penalty if he fails to meet these conditions.

And like I said, your fiance's family may pressure him not to sign the contract. If he refuses to sign, you probably should not go ahead with this marriage. I mean, basically if you ask him to sign a document stating that your relationship will meet these expectations, it amounts to a statement that the relationship will meet Christian standards. And he just may not be able to do that. On the other hand, you may very well not feel able to consent to a relationship that meets Muslim, but not Christian standards.

OK, let's say for the sake of argument that you've managed to hammer out a suitable wedding contract. There are two more matters:

1) Is your fiance a Shi'ite? If he is, he cannot legally contract a 'permanent marriage' (called 'nikah' in Arabic), only a 'temporary marriage' (called 'mutah' in Arabic), because you are not Muslim. You need to think about the implications. Now, it is possible to contract a mutah relationship for as long as 99 years, that could be a solution. The mutah relationship also offers a LOT more flexibility in marriage contract conditions.

But it does have one huge drawback - only Shi'ites will consider it legally valid, which means practically speaking it may only be honored in Iran. I don't know if the US honors mutah relationships as marriages. If this is an issue for you, you need to find out.

2) In very conservative circles, you may not be able to contract the actual marriage yourself. If you have never been married before, you may be required to have a 'wali' (guardian) - normally your Dad (or failing that, your brother, or your grandpa or even your son if need be). Now, in the case of a Muslim convert whose parents are not Muslim, her Dad can't fulfill that function, so someone from her mosque has to be appointed, an imam for example.

You need to think about the implications, because some Muslims or even Muslim countries could consider your marriage invalid if you do contract the marriage yourself and you have not been married before.

Now what you've been waiting for. The following is a web site of a German girl who converted to Islam, it contains the quite lengthy story of how she converted to Islam, and among other things, a description of her Islamic wedding:

http://www.geocities.com/anjasbuch/preface.html

As far as the dresses are concerned, I've seen white wedding dresses on Islamic clothing web sites. I've listed two of my personal favorites, also a page with a bunch of links where you can find Islamic wedding dresses in all different colors including white.

In closing, this is not an exhaustive list of all the issues. And you really *must* think of EVERYTHING, because, as I said, once you are already married, it is TOO LATE to change the contract to guarantee the things that you want guaranteed. May God bless you and give you wisdom on how to proceed.

Answer 2

I suppose the brides mother and the husbands mother do plenty of making plans. At least thats the way it used to be for me. My husband furnished me a dowry. As it is the muslim guy that offers a dowry, no longer the girl the way in which it's right here within the states. The dowry can also be cash, a automobile, the reward of instructing Al Quran, some thing. You signal the wedding agreement, the imam would say a couple of phrases, that is it. The bride frequently has a henna social gathering the night time earlier than the marriage ceremony. After there is a tremendous reception. Islamic weddings don't seem to be that one-of-a-kind from the weddings right here. Of path, there may not be any garter elimination!

Answer 3

For the nikka which is a muslim wedding you shoud wear an indian outfit not really a wedding dress. if your having a reception you could wear a white traditional wedding dress

Answer 4

Many people who are in the same situation get married outside. Other than that there weddings are much like ours from the ones I have seen/hearn about.

Answer 5

i have a frind who is in the same shoes, they are getting married outside by a justice of the piece. as far as what sh e is wearing it is aa light shade of purple but also looks white

Answer 6

It all depends on how religious and traditional your fiancee is.