I have 11 yr old Step Son who has bowl movements in his pants for 7yrs.Birth Mom makes excuses for him.Help!!!

Question

My step son has continued to soil his pants with his feces since he was 4 years old. He only did it here and there at 4 but by 7 he did it all the time. He lives with his birth mom who won't do anything except make excuses for him. He hides it from us, he has no problem eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner w/ feces in his pants. Has no problem going to sleep with feces in his pants. Does it at school, does it at baseball games. Acts like he doesn't care. We have done it all: from punishing him normal, to yelling, to time out from ps2, bikes, DVDs, TV, etc. We have purchased the big kid diapers and make him wear them. We have been to psychologist, gastrologist, etc. They tell us he is highly constipated and just needs extra bathroom time. He tells us he is too busy playing and just waits too long. He once pooped his pants at a wedding sitting right beside me rather than telling us he had to go to the bathroom. Please help, PLEASE....we don't know what else to try!!!!

Answer 1

Well, the Doctor's are correct. But I think that his mother might have some other issues as well. We see this a lot (I am a nurse) here is a link to it:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/digestive/encopresis.html

Good luck!

Answer 2

Go back to potty training. Take him to the bathroom every hour and have him sit for a while (about 15-20 min). Do this even if you have gone out somewhere.

If he does mess his pants let him clean it up himself. And when you take him to the bathroom check him to see if he has done it already. If he does mess his pants because he was playing and didn't want to go take that toy away from him and let him know that he needs to make sure he takes the time to go to the bathroom or he does not get that toy back, or cant' watch TV, etc. If he is not at home take him home and don't take him back to where he was at. At school you could show up and take him to the bathroom (if he is embarrassed enough he will at least quit while at school if it is not a medical or mental condition).

Let him know you will not accept this lazy behavior any longer. Hey how about seeing if you can get his mother and you guys on the Dr. Phil show and maybe you would be able to get her back in line also on this.

Answer 3

wow, that must be so hard. I had a friend who pooped his pants at school when he was in 2nd grade because he could only go in his own house(a few people I know have that prob). Try positive reinforcement. You said you took things away, try giving him a handheld game so he can play while going on the pot. If he keeps it up give him more games(but if he just plays with it while not on the pot then take it away). I know you said you've been to psychologist but if they haven't suggested positive reinforcement then you should try it(it works better than negative)
Good Luck
I have a friend that works in foster care and she says that its most likely he was abussed, I would guess it was when he was under the age of 4 because he doesn't seem to remember it. I would think the doctors could figure something out. well good luck, try the ideas people here gave and hopefully something works

Answer 4

Look it is not normal for an 11 yr old to be deficating in his pants. There is either something physically wrong (ie unable to control his bowel movements, poor sphincter control) or something psychologically wrong.

Think about constipation for a moment. Ok now with constipation doesn't pain often accompany it, straining with defication, large hard feces? I'm willing to bet he isn't constipated.

I would take him to another psychologist and get a complete phsyical work up. By the way kids will do this when they can't control other area's of their life.

Answer 5

Do you know if he is being sexually abused? Sometimes that is a sign (rational being to make themselves physically unnattractive). Talk with a child services professional in your local area and the authorities. Keep in on the DL until you can figure out what is really going on. Have you visited his natural mother's house? Do you and the birth mother get along? Has he witnessed fights between you and his father? It could be an emotional coping mechanism. Or it could just be the result of some bizarre pottie training his birth mother tried out (just an assumption).

Answer 6

I would definitely go back to the psychologist (or find a new one).

This is not normal behavior at age 11, and he needs help to figure out what's going on inside his head.

If he's that constipated on such a regular basis, he needs medical attention for that problem (although I would venture to say it's more psychological than physiological). Extra bathroom time is not a solution for this - more fiber and/or liquids in his diet would be more appropriate.

His birth mother is not doing him any favors by making excuses for him. If she really loves him, she would want for this to stop, and would be seeking medical attention. Clearly you all can't stop this problem on your own - find a professional who can help you.

Answer 7

OMG ok that second answer was just horrible! you should never do that to a child ;( It could be a psychological problem but if they said he's really consipated, it is probably physical. My daughter had the same problem. It's called incopnesis (not sure if that's how it's spelled), but they said what happened what that she had a really bad bm and it hurt so she was afraid to go, held it in, and that stretched her colon bigger than it was supposed to be so that she couldn't control it even if she wanted to. I had to give her laxitives and send her to the toilet very often, at set times during the day until she was regular and her colon shrank back down. Hope that helps some :)

Answer 8

Um very irregular does her dad understand u perhaps letting her watch 2 many R-rated suggests r films put lock on your t.V n be certain if she has older siblings are cousins which might be historic adequate thus far inform them 2 keep 4rm those topics round her. I am not to surprised with issues in elementary faculties they r getting more sexual n it begins in 2nd gradethey quite often speak about those subjects and no longer apply them go 2 her teacher r class sudden n ask what your baby has been doing regularly i wouldn't endorse this but on this case you should hope I helped.

Answer 9

Take the child to a doctor! There could be something physically wrong with him. I know of a child that age who has poor nerve endings in his rectum and anus and does not realize that he is even going until he smells it. Get him checked out. Until then, try to make him go each morning before school, and after dinner. If you get him into a set routine, you will all be happier.

Answer 10

I do'nt know if it will work, but maybe have him schedule time out every two hours to go to the bathroom for 15 minutes. Sounds kinda like he's afraid of missing ot on whatever is happening, and also that he's embarassed to ask to go to the bathroom, or forgets until it's too late.

Hope maybe this helps.