Should I send my son to preschool?

Question

My son is 4 and is very slow to transition to new situations. Some people might call him shy. I run a preschool out of my home and get together with other mom's frequently, so he has quite a lot of contact with other kids his age. In situations like this, he is very social and normal. But when he has to be anywhere without me, he cries and says he doesn't want to go. He even cries about the idea of preschool or school (which saddens me, because I am a teacher and I LOVED school when I was little). When I put him in drop-off classes, he doesn't make any friends and cries everytime I take him. (I make him finish the classes anyway.) Some people say that I should just put him into preschool and let him suffer through it. Others say that I should ease him into social situations by signing him up for drop off classes, like karate, etc. Still others say he'll grow out of it. What do you think?

He is already reading, so academically he doesn't necessarily need preschool. But is the right thing socially?

Answer 1

You should follow your instincts. You know your child better than anyone else. If you feel it causes too much stress, you should hold off; another 6-12 months may give him enough maturity to be able to handle those situations better.

If you have a feel for what bothers him, you may also be able to help him develop strategies for coping... if it's the unfamiliar buildings, maybe you could take a tour before people are in the room. Or if it's that he doesn't know the kids or the adults, maybe you can sign him up with a friend or introduce him to the instructor before the class begins.

If it's simply a matter that he prefers to be with you (my son had/has this issue), perhaps you can start some classes by staying in the room for a few weeks and then gradually moving further away (by the door, outside the door, etc). This latter issue honestly does resolve with time...I was floored to have my shy clingy boy race away from to go on a tour at the Kindergarten open house. We saw a huge jump in maturity after his last birthday and he's much more confident after many visits to the school with his big sister. We worked a lot this last year on identifying and coping with his fears, but honestly I think it was simply time & maturity that helped him. Good luck!

Answer 2

Preschool is not a necessity of life, it is really just recently that almost all kids have been going to preschool mostly because both parents work.

That said, it is a question of whether or not you want him to deal with his separation anxiety NOW when it is not as vital... once he is older and in school, most of the kids will have already gone through that phase and the teacher will have less time (and perhaps less patience) to deal with it and it will be harder on him.

In karate etc, the organisers will have even less time (or patience) to deal with his crying and may ask you to take him home and neither of you would gain.

Most kids do go through a crying jag when they first arrive in the class or whatever, and usually stop once mum has gone. And if they cry for a long time, each day the crying shortens. A good preschool teacher will help him adjust over time. (and you can help by being consistant. "time for me to go, I'll BE BACK after nap (or story or whatever)." And go! Don't let him beg for a last hug kiss or whatever, your just prolonging his anxiety and enabling it too! He is four and old enough to understand that you are not abandoning him and you will always come back.

You can always work on his seperation anxiety when you go over to play at someone elses house that he know's very well and the mom is a willing accomplice. Just keep extending the time that you are gone. He may still go thru the crying in preschool too, (after all it is a new situation) but in the long run it will save a lot of stress for both of you when he has to go to the "big kids" school :)

Answer 3

It sounds like you are giving him a great start academically and socially in the program you are giving him now. If you want to get him used to being without you, you can put him in preschool part time or get a babysitter and enjoy yourself for a few hours. He will eventually get used to being away from you. Even if you don't put him in preschool, he will do fine. I have been around kindergarten the first day and week of school, it is totally normal to have a couple of criers. After a while, they stop crying and blend in with the rest of the class and do just fine. I am sure that your son will be the same way.

Answer 4

Yes. Preschool is like the foundation of a house. With out it everything else falls down. And the idea of: "Others say that I should ease him into social situations by signing him up for drop off classes, like karate, etc." is a good idea. i knew this other kid who didn't go to preschool and he had to stay back... Hes a 13 year old in 5Th grade... That's sad. Most 11/12 year olds are in 6Th grade... So in my opinion yes. If you have to go with him for the first couple days that's fine. Just he has to get used to being with others and not you, and going to school. Preschool is what sets most kids up for school. so Yes.

Answer 5

He will have to go to kindergarden eventually so this will be a good transition for him. Even if he hates it, all children need to break away from their parents a little bit and form their own lives outside of their family. You just gotta give hime some tough love. I know that some kids are just more stubborn about it than others and take a little longer. Thats ok. He will eventually adjust. I think its great that he gets socialization from being around other children. That was a very good choice on your part, so kudos to you. But getting out of the house and I'm sorry to say, away from you as well, is a very important part of his social development as well. Just keep trying. Reasure him that you will be back to get him. If it continues, try talking to a psychologist. Perhaps he just has problems relating to other children at school and needs an alternative program.

Answer 6

Yes, I think he should still go. My son was this way when he was small, it took almost the whole year of preschool for him to grow out of it and make friends. Now, he is almost finished kindergarten and gets along with everyone. Maybe try leaving him for a couple of hours at a time with a sitter, someone you can trust but that he is not familiar with, to get used to being without you before he starts school, but still at home so it is not completely scary. Drop off classes are also a great idea. I promise, it will get easier.

Answer 7

Aww poor little kid. Don't force him to be without you. You are who he feels safe with. It's a big scary world out there and he'll eventually grow out of it. Let him go in his own time, not everyone elses. Have you thought about homeschooling him until he gets over his fears?
Please, don't force him like everyone is saying. He has his own reasons even if he's unable to express them verbally. There is nothing wrong with a 4 year old who's attached to his mother. Just take his cue for it. If you really want him to be more independant, try going to the preschool with him and staying there. In a few days, step outside for a few minutes and then come back. Maybe he doesn't understand that mommy will come back. Try to see it from his view and it'll help you understand how to deal with him.
You're his mom and no one else understands him better then you, take the cues from him. He'll be off on his own soon enough and you'll wish that he was still that little boy in your arms again. Good luck

Answer 8

You say you already socialize him with other children, so there is really no need for preschool, since that is really what it is for. However, it might be wise for you to leave him with someone else regularly until he realizes that you are not abandoning him, but will always come back. That is why he cries, because he doesn't understand that you won't leave him alone for long periods of time. If you can, when he starts kindergarten, I suggest a half day class, so the time away from you won't be so long.

Answer 9

he'll grow out of it. but it would be nice for him to grow out of it before elementary school. preschool is a good place for this. but if you're not comfortable with it then keep him at home. Eventually this will pass either way. I'm a preschool teacher and there's kids that still cry after years of being at the same preschool. It's usually just when the parents leaves then they're better.

Answer 10

I used to work at preschool in the daycare, and we had children like your son. What we were trained to do, was to walk up to the parent and child, and get the child interested in something else with another child so the transition would be alittle easier. I have had some children who would cry for a while, but if you have a good teacher, then she could usually get the crying child calmed down with other things to do and alittle T.L.C . I think that you are doing the correct thing by making him finish the class. You are showing him that he can be OK without you for awhile. Keep up the good work.