I have been helping my daughter thru child support and college. She e-mails me when she needs money. She does not call on father's day or my birthday. She has many excuses. She failed many time and I give her another chance. I believe she is taking advantage of me and I should cut her off, so she can learn how to care for herself.
She is failing in college, so she is just spending my money on drop out courses.
I tried to be with her while growing up, but she was busy with her friends and no time for me.
She is 21, so if no college success, she better learn on her own
2006-06-07 07:52:20 · 14 answers · asked by Sam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If for no other reason, you should stop giving money for the failed courses. My dad explained to me on day one that he was happy to give me tuition money as long as I was "making the grade". . . but if my grades dropped enough, that was the end of the free money.
Sure enough, I tested him, failed classes, and he kept his word & cut off the money. It took me nearly 10 years to finish my undergraduate degree (aaack), because I had to work and pay for it all myself.
Still, it's important to note that the only thing he cut off was the money. He still offerred me moral support, just no more tuition checks.
I think you should have the same talk with your girl, AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS when she lets you down.
2006-06-07 07:56:23 · answer #1 · answered by missusjonz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sam,
I believe you have answered this question for your self. It is hard, because we love them, to let our children go. In order for your daughter to become the woman she needs to be, especially where there is a child involved, you will have to let her go. She will learn from her mistakes, pick her self up when she falls, learn to appreaciate the good things in life, and most of all learn that you are the best thing she could ever have in her life. You don't miss things until they are gone away. I hope your daughter realizes who you are and begin to give you the respect and return the love you have given her. There are millions of girls who would love to be in her shoes, but they don't know where their father is and in some cases who he is. Each day will get easier. You may have to sacrifice your daughter's love for you, to ensure her survival in this world. Remind her that it is no gurantee that you will be around her entire life.
2006-06-07 08:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by AC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By you giving her more money you are enabling her to continue being a screwup...obviously you've raised a user who doesn't care a shiit about you unless you have your hand out....nice job!! I especially like the part where you say "I tried to be with her growing up"....understand this Einstein...you should have not just tried you should have done it....taken the GD bull by the horns and if nessecary forced your demand on her...hell she didn't just start to put her hand out now...it's always been out. Sounds like you think your responsibility was limited to financial matters. Funny thing how it works out when you weren't around either huh?
2006-06-07 08:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gosh... i'm 22 and i can't imagine taking advantage of my parents like that. your daughter sounds spoiled and ungrateful for what you have done for her. there seems to be a few lessons she never learned in life...
1) you don't always get what you want
2) you have to earn what you get
3) daddy isn't always going to be there to bail you out
4) excuses never answer a question and never solve a problem
5) take responsibility for your mistakes and your weaknesses
i would suggest telling your daughter to get a job and leave school. school isn't for everyone at 21...she might need some time to learn to be responsible before she can take her education seriously.
2006-06-07 08:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by Diana5384 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. She'll never learn if you keep backing her up with money when she asks for it. She'll probably be really angry for a while, but trust me - you'll be doing her a favor in the long run, and hopefully she won't take you for granted anymore. You're a good person - maybe she will wake up and realize this once she has to fend for herself.
Good luck - Be strong and stick to your decision!
2006-06-07 07:58:40 · answer #5 · answered by Lo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sam - sometimes you need to cut the purse strings and let them sink so that they begin to appreciate what everything in this world costs.
I'd cut all funding and when she asks why you can point to your question above. The least someone can do is show some appreciation for what you are doing.
2006-06-07 07:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by grisgris100 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done more than your share. Tell her the gravy train is over. That it is time for her to grow up. Life is hard and it's time she learns. Good luck. It's time for tough love.
2006-06-07 07:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that if she does not pass then you will not give her any money. and stand by what you say. stay firm she needs to learn this lesson.
2006-06-07 07:55:54 · answer #8 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should cut her money flow off. explain to her that she needs to be independant on herself and find a job.
2006-06-07 07:57:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can really help her by letting her be independent. cut her down and tell her she has to start earning her own way....
2006-06-07 07:55:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋