I have been helping my daughter throu child support and college. She e-mail me when she needs money. She does not call on father's day or my birthday. She has many excuses. She failed many time and I give her another chance. I believe she is taking advantage of me and I should cut her off, so she can learn how to care for herself.
2006-06-07 07:05:22 · 21 answers · asked by Sam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is failing in college, so she is just spending my money on drop out courses.
I tried to be with her while growing up, but she was busy with her friend and no time for me.
She is 21, so if no college success, she better learn on her own
2006-06-07 07:25:20 · update #1
They more you spoil a person, the more spoiled they become. She will never learn to depend on herself if she doesn't have to... I say don't help AS MUCH but don't cut her off completely.
2006-06-07 07:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by Nonna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Which bit of you are her father do you not understand?kids will be kids no matter what there age ,she is young and at least she is getting an education ,much more than many teenagers these days ,teenagers often do not realise that a little phone call or card can make all the difference,don't be to harsh on her you should support her ,at the same time explain next time you hear from her just how much it upsets you that she only calls when she wants something ,if you don't want her to be uneducated and unemployable cutting her off is not the answer,the only effect that will have is to distance her further from you then you may lose all contact,think very seriously before doing so .
2006-06-07 07:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by okayalder62 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DROP HER expenses IMMEDIATLY. omg she is using you, and you are letting her. You tell her to get her act together! She is getting nowhere esp if you are supporting this with giving her money. She is using your money to go do whatever she wants, and doesnt care about college. how will she live if you just one day stop giving her money? She needs to stop failing courses and learn something so she wont depend on you all the time. No matter how old she is. She is an adult now, and should be treated like one. Not a party animal, that will get her nowhere. Tell her you are cutting her expenses unless she starts passing her classes. She cannot be treated like a child any longer.. That makes me so mad that people do that to their parents. Go to school , fail and then ask mom and dad for party money. Thats not how it will work in my family, thats for sure. sorry yout daughter is doing this to you.. Good luck on this.
2006-06-07 08:09:54 · answer #3 · answered by sshhmmee2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should ever "cut her off". She's your daughter and you love her. However, you could make more stipulations on your help. For example, show her that you cannot be taken adavantage. When she asks you for money for something she can live without, don't give it to her. Tell her something like, "You know I would, but I don't have the money right now." (even though you do). As time rolls by, she will start to learn that when she needs money for the "smaller" stuff, she won't ask you. Of course, if she needs money or help on bigger, more important stuff, you could give it to her.
Also, ask for things in return. For example, "I will give you this money when you come over and help me clean the garage tomorrow" or something like that.
She will then learn the value of the buck and that nothing is for free.
You could also demand that she pays you back. At first, ask for repayment on smaller amounts. If she pays you back, then she is learning the nature of lending and repayment.
I would always agree that children do take advantage of the "bank of Mom". I used to do it myself. All the time. I took advantage of my mom. However, as I got older and more responsible, I saw that my Mom didn't have a money tree and couldn't always give me money. I learned through repaying and helping her out.
2006-06-07 07:13:20 · answer #4 · answered by Scott D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how close were you two when she was little? Where you around or did you just send her a check. Is the type of relationship that you have what she is use to? Remember that when kids go to college that they don't always see their parents much. If she is still on school I would continue to help her until she is done, but I would also tell her that you will only help her for a certain amount of time after she graduates, like a year.
2006-06-07 07:20:38 · answer #5 · answered by lee b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a good idea.
She's an adult - it's your job as a parent to teach her to become self sufficient... you've assisted her long enough, it's time for her to do it by herself.
She'll never appreciate you or what you are doing as long as you continue to spoil her & bail her out of tough spots. Next time she needs money offer advice on how she can earn some like getting a second job, downsizing her car, spending less etc - she'll get the hint.
If you really insist on giving her cash, make her sign a loan statement with specific payment amounts & dates due.... and MAKE SURE she pays you back.
2006-06-07 07:09:38 · answer #6 · answered by bigbadwolfe_2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've done all that you can for her. There are times when you need to step in and be a parent and then there's times to let your kids learn how to stand on their own two feet. Sounds like you're definitely at the crossroad and you'd be wise in letting her learn that there's not always going to be someone to bail her out. Good luck!
2006-06-07 07:09:09 · answer #7 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would for sure cut her off...... she has to learn on her own she thinks her mother is always going to bail her out she has to learn that she has to care for herself. Once she shows you that she is doing something to help herself , then maybe you can help her a little but i would stop for now.
2006-06-07 07:11:18 · answer #8 · answered by busy mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to "let her go". However, don't do it in a way that causes her to "run away from you". She needs to learn responsiblity. If you continue to support her, she will never be able to handle things for herself. She will appreciate you in the end.
2006-06-07 07:10:20 · answer #9 · answered by CuriousGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't cut her off completely she is your daughter no matter what she does ,you need to tell her you are not only there for her when she needs money and that you would like to be involved in other things in her life and you would like to be remembered to sometime and tell her she is grown now and you feel she should stand own her own 2 feet and take responsibility for her life and the things she desires to have tell her you are her dad and you love her but you are not her banker
2006-06-07 07:11:50 · answer #10 · answered by sclady62001p 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋