What's the worst thing you ever had to forgive someone for?

Question

Have you done it? How do you know you've totally forgiven?

Answer 1

My mom led a double life. My dad suspected, but couldn't prove it. She encouraged him to take his anger out on me, and he did because it was easier than to actually deal with her.

All my life, she told me that Dad's rages were my fault and that if I were better, he wouldn't hurt any of us. She let me feel guilty for the times when he would lose it with her. She stood by when he would lose it with me, and then later tell me what I should have done better so that I could have prevented it.

She's told me all my life that I don't love her enough. That I don't try hard enough, but all my life she's had that secret. How close could she let me get?

She asked me to come home with her and my dad one day. On the car ride to their house, she confessed her double life. She should have told Dad first. It was then that it clicked with me that I had always been sort of a human shield.

Even after she admitted her lifestyle, and that she had set me and my dad against each other all those years, she judged me for how I handled her confession. My forgiveness wasn't good enough. She thought I should immediately comfort and reassure her.

I have forgiven her. I doubt that I've done it to suit her, exactly. She wants me to go back to feeling responsible for her happiness, and I'm not going back there. Ever.

But I do want what's best for her. I pray for her wellbeing. I have tried to help her work things out with my dad. I begged them to get counseling.

I know I have forgiven her because I don't want her to make the past up to me. I don't feel like she owes me anything. When good things happen for her, I'm happy for her.

I've also accepted that we're never going to have a close relationship because for whatever reason, she can't do that without requiring me to take responsibility for her actions. I've accepted that that's where she is right now. I hope that if she changes in the future, we can have a better relationship, but for now I can be respectful even when she's petty. I can keep myself from sinking to her level in a disagreement.

I know I still love her, even though she's hurt me deeply.

I highly recommend "Boundaries Face to Face" by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud if you're struggling with forgiveness. There's a difference between forgiveness and trust or reconciliation, and they go into that in depth. Unfortunately, some people let the guilt of their offenses cause them to turn outward instead of inward and they judge those they hurt rather than taking responsibility. Their focus is on you behaving differently toward them, rather than on them needing to change hurtful patterns of behavior and showing "fruit worthy of repentance." Don't let someone bully you into believing that you must meet their standards of forgiveness in order to have really forgiven.

Forgiveness can be so difficult, but it's possible. And it's necessary for you to be free from the hurt. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It unties you from the trauma.

Answer 2

GreenGrasshopper,

I suffered years of abuse beginning before I was able to understand it or defend myself. I have forgiven it – all of it. I married a woman who betrayed me and abused me and then divorced me – I have forgiven all of it. I can honestly say that there is no pain or bitterness associated with any of my memories – and I remember everything.

Forgiveness is for your freedom – not the one who did you wrong. It is too expensive to hold on to the things that people do. I am a very compassionate and loving person today because of what I’ve been through. I am vital and courageous, and I love life. I must give all of the credit to Jesus Who truly made it all possible, but I had to do my small part, too.

Forgive – no matter how hard or how long it takes – it is worth it.

God bless.

Answer 3

Probibly the worst thing was having to forgive my Biological Dad for leaving my mom and probibly abusing her. How did I do that? Well, God says that he does everything for a reason. I mean, look at Helen Keller! She could be bitter and Angry at everyone because of her disabilities, but she wasn't and helped others like her to be able to read through Brail. I just figure, Hey, God loves me so I can love my Biological Dad. How do I know I've totally forgiven? When I think about it and I don't cry. ;)

Answer 4

that is in certainty based upon the conjuncture. as an occasion, in case you think of roughly WW2, maximum ecu countries have 'forgiven' Germany because of the fact they have now have been given to be in a Union with them, and subsequently development a solid political courting is extra important than living on the previous. in spite of the undeniable fact that, in case you think of of Russia, while asked approximately Germany, on a similar time as accepting that that is now a diverse u . s . a . maximum Russians will nevertheless carry some form of inner grudge against Germany for the atrocities that it brought about to the Soviet human beings throughout the time of international conflict 2. it is likewise important to remember how a lot problems one u . s . a . brought about to a diverse, and as a result how lasting the outcomes are. regardless of if that is a few thing minor, then it is going to probable be in the present day forgotten, in spite of the undeniable fact that, as contained related to worldwide conflict 2, around 30 Million Russians have been killed by using Nazi forces, and as a result this is quite in all probability to be remembered for an important quantity of time. frequently, in spite of the undeniable fact that, the 'forgiveness' comes with the replace of generations. frequently 3 or 4 generations after the single that grew to become into affected straight away is adequate for it to grow to be historic previous particularly of hatred. additionally, do by no potential go away out the political reasons of politicians. while they for regardless of reason choose us to hate yet another u . s . a ., they're in all probability to remind us approximately some undesirable deeds it has carried out to us contained in the previous. wish this solutions your question! x

Answer 5

The worst thing that I had to forgive somebody for was lieing to me about something that had my life on the line my job.

Answer 6

Being cussed and threatened by my 25 yr old daughter. I have forgiven her , I think.. I have not forgotten though.
I guess when you have totally forgiven someone, you will also forget.... Not sure.....
No help here, sorry....

Answer 7

I find I can forgive others better than I can forgive myself. I have made some really bad choices in my life.

Answer 8

I never totally get over anything. My husband will pay for the rest of his life for every little mistake he ever made.

Answer 9

the worst thing I have forgiven for is about my best childhood friend, who used to back bite about me and defame me, and finally black mailed me upto the tone of $3000; because he was jealous of me having a girl he liked, I pardoned him when I came to know about it and I have never told him that I know this..and we still are friends...

Answer 10

I never really forgive people. I can hold a grudge for years.