Struggling not to self harm?

Question

Ever since my appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday I've just felt like crying all the time. We talked about some stuff that got me upset at the time, and I hadn't been planning on talking about.

Since then, I've felt really tearful and I have a strong urge to self harm, despite being cut free for 4 weeks. I really want to cut, but at the same time I really don't want to, because then I'd be back to square one.

I just want to curl up in bed and cry my eyes out, but I'm supposed to be going out for a meal with some of the people in my year. I really don't feel like it, but the table's booked and I don't want to get people worried if I say I don't want to go.

How can I get myself through the meal and through tonight without hurting myself?

I say "get through the meal" because things like that are always a struggle for me, even when I feel OK. I suffer from social anxiety and I'm not good in noisy situations etc. I also don't really like eating in front of people. So even if I was having a good day, going out for a meal would be difficult.

Answer 1

Here's a way to get the same release but without the damage. Use it rather than cut yourself.
Get an ice cube and run it under the tap so it's wet. Hold it in your fist and clench as tight as you can.
This is the technique recommended for those who self harm who want to stop.

If you do self harm again, don't beat yourself up over it. You'll just be adding to your stress. Two steps forwards and one step back is not two steps forwards and ten steps back.
You're not alone. Good luck.

Hi again. How are you doing?
Has anyone suggested cognitive behaviour therapy? It can explain things like cycles of behaviour, and how to change the ending by redirecting the behaviour. The next step is how to recognise what triggers the problem, and developing coping strategies. Then you move on to recognising when its coming at an earlier stage and trying an intervention.
So for example, if you're having a panic attack and can't concentrate on a book or whatever, you end up pacing up and down.
You might then decide that you'll walk around your garden instead, or dig up some weeds. It would work as well as pacing up and down because its physical activity.
Your next step might be to say to yourself something like "I am taking healthy exersise and that is helping my body get rid of the adrenaline" over and over instead of whatever is running through your mind and freaking you out.
Its a step by step process, and its not a quick fix; but you feel that you are doing something constructive to help yourself.
Hang on in there.

Answer 2

Just take it a step at a time. If you let things get on top of you, you'll cave in and self-harm again, I can promise you.

Don't think 'how am I going to get through this meal' as that only puts pressure on yourself. Just tell yourself you'll go along and see how it goes. If you end up enjoying yourself, then great. If you don't, just politely make your excuses and leave.

Rather than cutting yourself (which incidentally, you are doing as it is a release, something to take you away from your inner pain) try something else that won't hurt you. I am not recommending this, but I used to punch the wall, and even though that was still bad, it did a lot less damage.

Plus, this is some food for thought for you. I used to self harm all the time, and as a result I have these horrible scars running over my wrist, which I constantly see people looking at. It is horrible to see them there, and know they will never go away. So TRY not to do it!

Answer 3

Definitely you go to the meal, being with friends is the best therapy for you at the moment. I hope you will have a good evening. Let yourself enjoy it if you can, it sounds as if things have been very difficult for you.

I am sorry to hear that you have been thinking of self-harming - try to think positive, tell yourself how well you have done not to harm for four weeks. That is good.

Try to distract yourself - put your favourite (upbeat) music on, phone some friends, watch a (happy) movie, draw or write, go for a walk, anything you can think of.

I think that what is happening is that you feel bad about things, but you are taking it out on yourself. You deserve to feel well and start to enjoy your life, and you can get through this. Take it one day at a time.

You might want to ask your psychiatrist if he or she can give you more support.

I hope the answers you receive here will help. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts.

Answer 4

think positive and be strong you've made the decision not to self harm yourself which is brilliant also you haven't done it for 4 weeks now your doing great don't give up this battle .
your psychiatrist talked about these things because you needed to if they have opened a tin of worms again its good to let them out with a good cry . you should go for your meal and try to have a great time as if you stay at home you will probably end up self harming your self as you've more time to think about doing it .
your a strong person , don't be hard on your self .its a shock that you talked about something you hadn't planned but had you known wouldn't you have got stressed knowing you were going to talk about that dreaded subject .
stay focused on what you want and be strong .
good luck and have a great evening with your mates . x

Answer 5

I understand totally how you feel, I had an appointment with my psychotherapist today and have felt shocking since.

Four weeks without self harming is a real achievement. My advice for this evening for what its worth is this - go and sit alone for ten mins and think, I mean really think, about how hard its been to avois self-harming for a month. Then take a deep breath and tell yourself you WILL NOT ruin that success, and go and get yourself ready to go out.

If you can, get hold of one person you'll see tonight that you trust, and tell them you're feeling a bit off (you dont need to say why)and ask them if they could just sort of stick with you. If at any point you feel out of control, take a minute to just breath and think about yourself and that you'll be ok.

Best of luck, stay strong.

Answer 6

You need to get your mind of cutting yourself. Read a book not a magazine, it has to be something that can completely engage your mind. Have you ever gotten so involved in a story that you couldn't put it down? Some people can't get into books but surely there is something safer you can obsess about. Get a camera, go out and start looking for nice pictures, something like that. Or phone one of the friends who is also going and chat with them until it is time to get dressed for the occasion. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Remember the psychiatrist asked questions for a reason as I assume you are there to find out why you self harm. Please be strong and remember that you are beautiful. You have friends and family to look after you. Focus on your night out and try to do something you like doing (reading, music etc). Good luck and take care sweetie!

Answer 8

This problem is not to be taken lightly and you need in the first instance to talk about this to a really close friend or family member. I know it may be difficult but there must be one person that you can trust. I don't think you can go through this alone. You really need to go and have a chat with your doctor who can put you in touch with a counsellor/therapist. Please don't go it alone. Get some help

Answer 9

i say don't even think about it, u've been cut free for 4 months and u've done well if u do it then it back to square one, all your effort to no self harm will go to waste, so just go out for that meal and enjoy yourself, that what u need right now to be around people who care.

Answer 10

try to occupy yourself with other ways of expressing your feelings. write, draw, whatever. keep your hands busy - try cooking, baking, write long nonsensical emails, write in a journal, sleep mabey, call a friend or ask them to stay over with you so you dont cut, go out to dinner, cry, then go do something that makes you happy.
hope this helps, and hang in there!!