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I really don't like her! We are so different and even my husband calls her a "redneck". She is not educated and we have NOTHING in common. She thinks I should do all the cleaning and cooking (my husband and both work full time) and makes rude comments all the time. She comes to visits for several nights, several times of the year. I get so angry when she comes to visit and my husband understands and is very supportive. I am 29 and have for years done ALL the cooking a Chrismas gatherings, Thanksgiving and everyother visit of hers. She is lazy and doesn't do anything to help when she is here. I will say she is a very good grandmother. What should I do to get along with her?

2006-06-07 05:06:18 · 14 answers · asked by boohoo 4 in Family & Relationships Family

By the way--My husband and I have been married for 9 years and dating a total of 14. She has always disliked me--I am loud and outgoing and my husband is very passive. We are totally in love and she hates it.

2006-06-07 05:12:22 · update #1

My husband has told her numerous times to be nice. She says things under her breathe to irrate me. I don;t tell Brian all the time. A big problem I have is that she is nothing like my mom--my mom is wonderful. Maybe I compare the two?

2006-06-07 05:18:52 · update #2

14 answers

Does your husband has any other brothers or sisters. I am sure he has as one of your statement you mentioned she visits for serveral nights, several times of the year, so the other rest of the times, she must have take turns to "torture" others. Let me tell you all mother-in-laws are the same. How their own mother-in-law treats them, they will do the same to their daughter-in-law and vice-versa. But of course, there are also very nice mother-in-law and life is just reverse, the daughter-in-law will play the reverse. This is through my experience as a daughter-in-law, my husband is the 12th child of the family, so just like you said ALL the cooking for Christmas, thanksgiving, New Year Eve and 1st day of New Year, everyone including 36 grandchildren and 13 children will have to visit her BUT the cooking is never done by me, she can only bullied the rest of her daughter-in-laws and while they are doing their work, she will be standing there making rude comments and even vulgarity would be out. She is like 'EMPRESS DOWAGER" anything she says, everybody will have to agree, example if the cushion cover is yellow and she says is blue, everyone will say yes is blue. But for me, I am very rebellious, or you can call me the "black sheep" of their family, I will ask " mother I think you better see a eye-specialist, because the cushion colour is yellow, maybe you are colour blind" everyone will look at me with an open mouth and are ready a quarrel will soon start. Since my marriage to my husband, I have never experience any scolding from her except for once she mentioned something about me to my husband and my husband reacted straight away and ask her to be reasonable, immediately after that, my husband just say "let's go home". The reason is my husband and I had made a pact with each other. If my mother is unreasonable, he is not supposed to utter a single word, I will deal with my own mother, on the other hand, if his mother is unreasonable, I also cannot utter a single word, he will deal with his own mother so that nobody is being "sandwich".
One thing that I do which always work, when she start to nag, just pretend to say "sorry wait, I need to go toilet" this always work, until certain time, whe will then realised you do not like her rude comments, afterall, she is a human being, she will sense it.
I hope this will work for you.
GOOD LUCK!! As the saying goes "marriage is not just the two of us, but the whole family from the two of us"

2006-06-07 05:45:18 · answer #1 · answered by simple 3 · 0 0

If I were you I would tell her that she just needs to get over it that you two are together and goin to stay together too? The next time she comes and visits I would make her get a hotel room until she can start being nice to you and showing you respect b/c she is acting really childish for her age? Tell her if she is not goin to try to get along with you then she doesnt need to come around for awhile? Let your husband know what your doin and if he disagrees then he can just go visit her at her home all the time. Hopefully your husband will agree with you and hope everything works out for the best?

2006-06-07 05:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by coyotes0486 2 · 0 0

Try to go out of town when she visits. Like on a camping trip with your girlfriends or a nice spa retreat. Anything that means you won't be around. That way you can't get stuck with the work and she & the kids can enjoy each other. Best thing is to stay away from her. Oops it's just that i have a writer's conference that week. Oh well, you can still visit the kids. Make sure she is committed to the visit time before you come up with the conflict. Best way out.

2006-06-07 05:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0 0

Welcome to the club!!!! My situation is a little different, I married into a very snobby family, in my mother-in-laws eyes I will never be worthy of my last name. I am also very outspoken and out-going while my husband is very calm and quiet.(married 5 years, dated 4) Were totally in love and like you said, that makes her crazy. The problem I have is that she's always saying things to be to put me down and she always does it when my hubby is not around to hear her. He wont confront her, and I dont know why. She's been like this from day one since we started dating. I still havent figured out what to do. We have so many problems. She's always meddling in things that are none of her business and She plays favorites with my husbands brothers children. She hardly has anything to do with our son at all. I believe it may be because she doesnt like me and hes a part of me but I dont know. If you figure out how to get along please let me know..lol..Im sorry Icant offer any help but i can offer a sympathetic ear and a "been there, done that" attitude. Keep your chin up and hang in there. It has to get better right?

2006-06-07 13:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mia 3 · 0 0

You should respect your mother-in-law. But you should not let her insult you in any way. She is being rude to you. Unless she gives you your space you can never have good relationship with her. Don't expect her to help you when she visits you.You should always be the master of your home. You say she is an excellent grandmother. Respect her for that. I think she is feeling very emotionally insecure because her son is very loving to you. Tolerate her. She is not going to live your life. Your life is your husband and your children. She is just your extended family.

2016-02-26 03:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by Mathi 2 · 0 0

You do nothing but accept her for what and who she is. I know it is hard. I am 42 yrs old and have learned to deal with alot of family"characters" if you know what I mean. Trying to change her is impossible. Making yourself happy is the best thing you can do. I use the old saying to live by now when faced with impossible people and it's actually fun for me. "KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS". Make it fun for yourself to know you said or did something real nice and watch her change(maybe?). It will at least give you the chance in front of family and friends to not have been the jerk. Another thing is next time she doesn't offer to help with cooking or cleaning, just ask her "Would you help me with such and such. I'm having trouble getting things together." She will then probably gloat about how she had to do it all, so be prepared for that!! Good Luck

2006-06-07 05:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by cowgirljosey 1 · 0 0

I understand you ... but i would suggest you to stop looking at her as redneck or anything like that... that would be the first step. and remember because of that lady you have a nice supportive husband ... she might think that her son is not happy as it sound that you are more outgoing and he is not... may be you have to have a nice respectful talk and let her know that you both are happy and in love or may be your husband has to do so.
she is not with you all the time so whenever she is with you just try to remind yourself that you will get where she is but she will not get back and she is the one who raise your loving husband... that might help

Good Luck

2006-06-07 05:21:19 · answer #7 · answered by Me 6 · 0 0

She doesn't need to be poking her nose in you and your husband's affairs, especially when there's no problem between the two of you. Your husband needs to sit down with her and tell her that the two of you have your situation worked out for what's best for the both of you, that it's effective, and that you both respect each other. He should tell her that if she is disrespecting you, then she is disrespecting him, and won't be invited back until she can be polite and show respect to the household. You don't deserve to be verbally abused. If your husband is supportive as you say he is, he'll speak up for both of you.

2006-06-07 05:15:28 · answer #8 · answered by punchy333 6 · 0 0

Honey, I have been there!!!! The only thing that keeps me from strangling my mother-in-law at times is the fact that she will usually babysit any time we ask. Of course, that brings up a whole other set of issues....

Sounds to me like she's jealous of your relationship with her son and has been for a long time. Were they ever close? If they were, she could be afraid that you have "replaced" her. If they were not, she's probably upset that you've given him something she could not. I always remind myself that my mother-in-law loves her son very much ~ and so do I. That gives us something in common doesn't it? She can't be all bad!

As for the laziness, I don't know what to tell you. My mother-in-law is a busy-body, so I have to fight for family gatherings at my house instead of hers.

2006-06-07 05:42:26 · answer #9 · answered by browneyedgirl 4 · 0 0

Just smile and be a good hostess. You are not the only person in your family that realizes what is happening. Try concentrating on her assets instead of her faults.

2006-06-07 05:10:50 · answer #10 · answered by staple remover 2 · 0 0

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