I like tihs girl, but she had a boyfriend. What should I do?

Question

I have a small problem.

I just met this girl, she's a year-younger than me (I'm 21).

She has a boyfriend. He's 22, a fourth-year in University but is from the Netherlands. He is there currently and will be coming down for her birthday at the end of June. He'll be heading back and then moving to Ottawa in September to finish his fourth-year and do an internship. They are getting a place together, with four or five other people.

She told me that she wouldn't have stayed with him had he not returned to Canada from the Netherlands.

When we're (her and I) with other people, she's kinda quiet and reserved with, what seems to be only me. However, when we're alone, like walking to my car or driving her home or on MSN, she's talkative and it seems like there is a connection.

She's beautiful. Smart. Funny, get's my sarcasm and wit, a great all-around person. I've got a huge crush on her.

What should I do?

Answer 1

I would let her know how you feel about her, then leave it alone. She might choose you over the other guy, but you don't want her to feel pressured and you don't want to steal her away. (Well, ok, you probably do, but it could cause problems in the long run, and you don't want that.) If she feels the same way about you, but doesn't know how you feel, you could both lose out on a good relationship. However, if her current boyfriend is it, and she just didn't want to do the long-distance thing, then you need to respect their relationship.

Just approach it by saying that you don't want to pressure her because you respect her relationship with her boyfriend, but want to let her know that you like her as more than a friend. You don't want to date a woman that would cheat on her current boyfriend to be with you, because that's a sign she'll do it TO you, and you don't want a broken heart out of the deal.

Just my 2¢.

Answer 2

well, if you really love her, than you would want the best for her. If she is going strong with her boyfriend, you probably shouldn't interfere. Maybe, she's quiet around other peopl so people don't think you 2 are dating and cause a commotion. The reason she probably talks a lot to you online or privately is because then nobody is there and nobody can accuse her of cheating on her boyfriend. She seems like she really loves her boyfriend and just wnats you as a good friend. As in a guy friend. ANd about the part she wouldn't have moved in with him if it wasn't for the fact that he was moving to Ottawa, maybe because Netherlands is too far and the culture is much more different. In Ottawa, the culture does not vary much, so therefore, it would be easier to adjust. If you are very close, then perhaps ask how her relationship is going. You can often get clues on that.

Answer 3

Oh my God! How many answers did you get? I don't have enough time to read all of them and make sure my contribution is worthy but I think that you should go ahead and tell her your feelings. I think ( depending on the context) that if she told you about not wanting to stay with him wouldn't he have returned from The Neederlands--that she has some feelings for you.
You seem to be a very good man, respectful and considerate and if I put myself in her shoes I would just love someone like you to fall in love with me....so go ahead.You haven't got anything to lose really... if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings it's ok but at least you'll know and don't spend the years to come wondering if..if only...
She is quiet because she respects her boyfriend I would guess.
She seems for that reason also a very good girl. Go for it!

Good luck and please let us know!

Answer 4

I'm a firm believer in "All is fair in love and war", an old saying I heard back when I was a youngster. Life is too short for game playing and guessing games. If you really feel this is the girl for you and you really like her, go for it.

If you keep yourself on the sidelines, that's where you'll stay. The girl is not a mind reader. Let her know your feelings. I doubt she's all that serious about him if "she wouldn't have stayed with him had he not returned to Canada"...which indicates to me that she was already contemplating a change.

Ask her out - you have nothing to lose. Just my opinion.

Answer 5

you have nothing to lose by just telling her how you feel. How serious is she with this guy? I mean we are talking long distance relationship at this point. Do thoes ever work out anyway? Plus you had mentioned that they will be getting a place together with five other people, ugh! I think she's crazy to go along with that. But anyway, maybe she likes you too and is just afraid to show her feelings being that she is in a relationship )if that's what you want to call it). Maybe if she knew how you felt she could make up her mind on who she wants to be with. Like I said, you have nothing to lose, let her know how you feel and end it at that. If she is interested, she'll let you know. And if not, it wasn't meant to be.
Good luck to you, either way.

Answer 6

If she is really digging you than she should be honest with the other guy and let him go. But as for you don't force her or she will resent you. Give her time and give her space to see if she really wants to be around you. I don't suppose there is anything wrong with a little bit of flirting and romancing but be coy. This nether-guy sounds a little bit antimidating.......and who knows what kind of guy he is? By the end of the month you could be lying in a hospital bed with a broken leg. Who knows?? Be careful. I think she may have to see your intentions before she calls something off with this Mr. Nether. She does sound pretty groovey but keep in mind that for a mature relationship you need input from both sides.....she needs to make up her mind what she wants and before you get to serious you need to know what you want.

Answer 7

If she has made all those plans already, don't you think it may just not be right to get in between?
You seem like a really nice guy. How about taking out that quiet girl next door who blushes every time you get close or may be your childhood friend who already has a crush on you. You may be as blind as the girl you have a crush on and may be missing something important right under your nose.

Answer 8

Until she has broken things off with her boyfriend, you would be disrespecting both of them if you tried to "take her away" from him. If she wants to break up with the boy in the Netherlands, then she will need to do that---plainly, distinctly, where he is not having to "guess" or read through hints or between the lines.

If you get into the habit of "being the other man", then you will be seen by others as someone who will not be faithful and who will not honor commitments to another person.

Answer 9

maybe im gonna repeat what someone else said but so many people answered....listen first of all you have to realize that if those 2 are madly in love and really good together then you shouldnt interrupt them.....but if you think its nothing too serious and they might break up in a year or two then go for it.....you should follow your heart....even if they are really good together and you really like her then go for it.......but if shes not talkative to you in a group then for some reason shes too snoby to talk to you and not worth your time.....and sometimes if she talks to you alone it may not mean anything but who knows.......if a girl like you they will wanna cling on you all the time and always touching you....................basicly do whats in your heart man but just remember if you get a rejection which is more probable when shes with someone and not single then make sure its not akward between you two after that

Answer 10

Well, I say tell her how you feel. I know that's not the easiest thing to do, but take your time. Do it when you feel the time is right. Maybe take her out to a small lunch or something, then just explain to her (or slowly get to the subject) and tell her how you feel. Of course she might feel un-awkward at that moment, but she might actually like you. And if she doesn't, you have to understand that. Though, I know a lot of girls would feel great knowing that a guy likes them for the reason you like her. So, just tell her exactly how you feel, and see how it leads on from there. Hope this helps!

Answer 11

You should do nothing! Bottom line is she has a boyfriend and if she had plans to leave him she would not be moving in with him. She may have feeling for you too or maybe she just likes the attention you give her bc it sounds like shes not getting much from the bf. However, she is taken and until or unless she changes that, you should respect that and remain friends!