I was with my girlfriend earlier today and it was really hot so she pushed up her sleeves and there were these scratches on the inside of her arm. I asked what happened and she said that her cat scratched her, but then she pulled her sleeves back down really quickly and she went kind of quiet.
I'm worried that she might have done it to herself, they didn't look like cat scratches, they were too far apart, and the way she acted when I asked how she got them was weird. We're both 16 and we've been together for a year. She's been having some problems at home, her parents are getting divorced and they're always yelling at each other and at my gf and her brother. And she's not been doing that well at school recently, she got pulled up by one of her teachers because her grades have dropped.
She's been a bit low for a couple of months I guess, but I'm really worried that she might be hurting herself now. What should I do?
2006-06-07 04:36:35 · 12 answers · asked by David C 1 in Health ➔ Other - Health
I don't think she meant for me to see the cuts, I think she just pushed up her sleeve by accident because it's really hot and she forgot about the cuts.
How can I ask her if she's hurting herself? I mean do I just come right out and say it? I don't want her to get mad with me.
2006-06-07 04:52:03 · update #1
I've self harmed, I'm currently trying to recover, and have been cut free for a month now. You really need to get on top of this NOW - trust me, it's so much easier to stop when you've only done it a few times......if you ignore it and let it continue, your girlfriend will end up cutting herself everyday and won't be able to stop.
I'd just sit down with her somewhere quiet, where you won't be interrupted and maybe take her hand and push up the sleeve. Then just look at the cuts again, and look at her and just ask her "did you do this to yourself?" Don't say it in a joking way, and don't say it like you're angry with her. Just say it gently, and keep looking at her. I'll warn you now that she'll probably cry a lot, so be ready for that - take some tissues with you! Just let her know you're worried about her and you want to help her. Let her know you're always there if she wants to talk about the things that worry her. And maybe suggest that she talks to the school counsellor/guidance teacher........you could go with her the first time if that would make it easier for her.
But don't just ignore it - it WILL get worse. You need to stop it now, before it becomes a habit.
2006-06-07 05:07:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your girlfriend is lucky that you care. Seems to me that she is just so overwhelmed with all the things that are coming at her that she is trying to find a way to release all of the build up anger/frustatration she feels at having no control over what is happening.
I used to do the same thing. I think you need to talk to her more about it. Ask her if she is willing to call someone to get help. Give her the opportunity to find some outside help, but if she refuses, for her safety, you should go to a trusted adult and tell them what is happening withher. She may be mad at first, but when she is feeling better she'll realize that you did it out of love and concern.
2006-06-07 04:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Wild seed 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
cutting becomes a good way to distract yourself when you're low. what she needs right now is a good ammount of attention, and distraction. let her know that although she's having problems in her life, there are healthier ways to let out her angst. like writing, or drawing. and if she's not an artsy person, journaling is good. and if she doesn't trust that her parents won't read her diary, she can get an online blog on livejournal.com and make it private or friends only and her parents can't read it.
sit down with her and tell her you care about her and present her with new ideas to let out her feelings. maybe she could take up a new hobby, or go for walks when her parents are fighting. and tell her she needs to be strong for her brother. (if he's younger) and that they can go on walks together to get away from the problems. i went through the same stuff with my little brother when i was your age. it brought us closer. i used to cut, too. and i found other ways to alleviate the pain. reading helps because it's like being in another world. buy her a really good book. i really liked "the Laughing sutra"
2006-06-07 04:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by Nik 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
RUN. There are people better equipped to help her than you are. I dated a girl with Borderline Personality Disorder for 6 long painful excruciating life-sucking years I learned the hard way that there is no saving people from themselves. The best you can hope for is to not get tangled up in their insanity and the longer you wait the harder it will be . That is, of course, unless you are as crazy as she is. Then have at it.
2006-06-07 04:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by CallMeDigitalBob 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
first of all you need to be honest with her and ask her telling her you care about her wellfare i am sorry for the problems you are having and for the above stupid replies from some but thier is still hope for her and you i encourage you to pray to Jesus God for help with what to do in regards to your girlfriends self mutilation what have you got to lose cry out to God he will hear you.
peace Chris 21 Australia.
2006-06-07 04:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know it sounds hard for you to deal with. but i suggest you to go and talk to her, remind her of the days that you had a laugh and just make her feel comfortable. than start asking her if she have problems that bothering her if she does like you say that her parent are getting divorced. she need to try to get over it. i know it sounds pretty hard but i can a tell you what i have been through which is really difficult for any body to think of. i came in england in 2004 because my dad had something to do with the shooting at my country which is the congo dr. all my family were in danger my dad left me at his freinds house and he went with my sisters , brothers and my mum. i came to england with out knowing anything at all but my dad's freind explained to me what was going on back there. my dad will be arrested if they found him and will be put in prison. which really hearted me being put in prison for life. i dad's freind left me at new street train station telling me is gone to get me a coca-cola but he never came back until today. i claimed as an asylum seeker and living in care which other kids don't like me because i am black but i have done so well and proud of my self i go to school and i am doing my gcse now in english which i never knew 2 years a go. but steel looking for my family i don't know where they are steel.
2006-06-07 04:54:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well darling speaking from personal experiance your gf will need someone to talk to, try and get her open up, talk to her about it. Be supportive no matter what, then try and get her to seek help, if she is self harming she has things that need to be worked out.
i would also suggest you tell her parents, (but do not do it behind her back) they should be adult enough to put their differences aside to help their daughter
2006-06-07 04:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by lezah7 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seek some help immediately. She can either be helped or in exterme cases taught how to cut herself safely.
This is far more widespread than we like to admit. she needs to be made aware that people care and that there is help out there and people to talk to.
2006-06-07 04:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by david b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her to some medical attention TODAY! My daughter is 27 and a cutter. It is form of attempting suicide, so get her to medical help immediately!
2006-06-07 04:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She obviously pulled her sleeves up so you could see her cuts.maybe you can talk to one of her teachers or counsellors for her.
2006-06-07 04:40:38 · answer #10 · answered by Kitty? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋