My family member never brings anything to the family . The family always makes excuses, (they bought for the 5 children, they have no money left). How do I let that family know I am tired of giving without recognition. Or am I being greedy???
2006-06-07 03:32:59 · 9 answers · asked by pamela s 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Stop giving to the adults in that household and mail small gifts to the children.
2006-06-07 03:35:21 · answer #1 · answered by wmp55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that I'd say you are greedy, but insensitive maybe...selfish, even. It's true what they say, it's better to give than to receive. It feels so good to give and not expect anything in return and if you should get something in return, than hey....that's great too. Perhaps these family members can't afford to buy everyone a gift. You speak of "5 children", those are the most important gift receipients if you ask me. You also mention that you get no recognition. Do they say "Thanks"? Cause that's all the recognition you need.
Aside from the gifts because IMO Christmas has lost all it's meaning and has become a complex materialistic holiday. I try to savor and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. To Christians it should be about celebrating Christ's birth, to non-Christians it should be a time of year to spend with family and friends and just celebrate each other.
2006-06-07 03:40:14 · answer #2 · answered by andreahud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have similar problems in Our Family. Our Family has gotten so huge that we pay for Christmas on credit cards and then make payments all year! But just like You, the other Family members do not send or bring anything at all. My solution, this year, is to just send everyone a Christmas Card with photos of Our Kids & put an end to all the over spending! That way, we won't be paying for Christmas all year, and if we don't hear from the rest of the Family, it won't hurt so much... =/
2006-06-07 03:43:47 · answer #3 · answered by Izabel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on one's attitude about Christmas. Ideally speaking, gifts are something we give from the heart, not a requirement. But if it's rude to show up without a gift, in my opinion it would be just as rude to point out someone else's shortcomings.
If money is an issue, as you suggest, why not agree as a family to set a price limit, draw names, and each person buy only one gift, instead of everyone buying a gift for all the other family members? Or just buy one gift per household.
Or, if you feel so strongly that you're being shafted, just buy gifts for the ones who buy gifts for you. But then you may need to keep careful records from year to year to keep the accounts straight.
2006-06-07 03:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Muddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your family needs to discuss gift-giving. My family used to draw names for adults and buy for each kid. But as the family grew (more kids...family members getting married..) We decided to just draw names for the kids, that way nobody was spending more than anyone else. We put a spending limit of $50.00 on the gift. Now we only have to buy for one child and it doesn't put a strain on anyone. We quit buying for a kid when they are in high school, unless they want to continue by buying a gift for another kid.
It really worked out for us, and the kids are happy with the arrangement.
As an adult I think that if you are giving with the expectation of getting something in return, then you have the wrong idea of what Christmas is all about.
If you don't like to spend on others and you are really upset about it, then spend the money on yourself instead.
I hope this helps, and believe me.....I really do understand that some families are all about taking whatever they can from others.....I don't know your family so I can't really judge you for how you feel.
I have a few in-laws that I don't want to spend money on!! LOL
2006-06-14 02:13:29 · answer #5 · answered by Amy Swallows 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't give just to get something back. give from the heart. maybe they really don't have enough money after buying gifts for their 5 kids. what do you mean "giving without recognition"? do they not thank you? do they not tell you how they appreciate what you've done for them? that should be all the recognition you need. they're obviously not gonna give you anything material, so if that's what you're looking for just stop giving them gifts. i hope this doesn't sound harsh. i didn't mean to lecture you:-)
2006-06-07 03:37:58 · answer #6 · answered by vanilla_bean_dream 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole gift giving thing causes stress on both sides its not a requirement come on give me a break! The gifts have stopped are you happy to see me good I am happy to see you thank you for coming over and celebrating it's about getting together and having fun! You do not need to prove yourself by gifting what has this world come to? I am 24 and gives gifts when I feel like it dose not have to be a special occasion and I am not obligated to do so.
2006-06-14 03:28:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is not about the presents and what you get.... above all, its about Jesus Christ and his birthday...
If you are always giving to them and they never give in return, think of it as your charity gifts to the needy for the year. You are helping those less fortunate than yourself.. and on some level -- I am sure that they appreciate all that you have given them. :)
2006-06-07 03:37:46 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really wrong if giving is one-sided, regardless of economic conditions It is the thought.
Not if you let them know you think the custom is uncalled for...that you love them with or without receiving presents.
As for the one who shows and shows no shame, confront them with your feelings. Then, if there is no change, kick their butt in a subtle but direct way. (Spills work for me.)
2006-06-13 21:00:45 · answer #9 · answered by boz_hobbs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋