How many of you feel this way towards your children?

Question

I'm with my kids everyday, besides working 9-5. I do not have a babysitter due to financial difficulties. I'm with them everyday. Thing is, my oldest is autistic (PDD) and my youngest is very demanding. Cleaning the house, cooking, buying groceries, is all something I take care of daily. I try my best and spend time with them but it's very hard when I only have 3 hours before bedtime to do all this. I sometimes feel like I want to shut myself off from everything. It's been almost 4 years since I've had a mini vacation without any worry about who's caring for my children. At this point, I feel it's affecting my health. Is this how normal family life is?
My mom is unable to wtach them. She works 6 days a week and they disrespect my rules about what my chidlren should eat due to my oldest daughter's condition.
Yesterday, I felt like I was going to bust if I didn't get a day to myself.
??

Note, spending time with them is not exactly smooth. My autistic child constantly stims against my youngest daughters cheek and both have becoem very irritated and upset.

YES, I love them more than any.

Actually, I feel this way almost all the time.
Moreso for the last year.

Everyone is asking about dad.
Dad works at home during the day on his computer. Then he goes to work at night. The kids are being watched by him during the day but no one gives them valuable attention until I get home, if even that's attention.

Answer 1

Hey! A soul mate. Come join me this summer in Florida, my first vacation - leaving kids with sister in Georgia for the weekend, hopefully she won't slaughter them first. I have to drive all the way from Canada to Georgia just to be able to breathe. My oldest is ADHD and my youngest is Autistic, so I feel your frustration at not being able to get time for yourself. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is 7, and this will be my first weekend without them - I hope. I love my kids to death, but running around taking my son to therapy, social skills classes, and taking my daughter to tutoring for her ADHD, plus a full time demanding job, house work, bills etc. is exhausting when you have to that 24/7. I pray for them to go to bed and when they do I am too exhausted to think or move. Six weeks ago I collapsed with a mini-stroke for the first time and had to be at home resting, no driving or working even at home, due to the medication. I decided I needed to find time somehow. I am scared to leave my son with anyone because people still do not really understand Autism, but I will try. You need to do something or you will crack like me. Not good for kids and your health. I went to Ikea last Staurday and left kids in play area and just wondered around Ikea window shopping for an hour. Didn't buy anything but I didn't have to hear screaming or yelling. Oh yeah and try to stay away from people who impact on you negatively. I don't know about the US but I posted a question re similiar issue and someone told me replied that people with special needs kids get money from the government. If they do, they obviously forgot me because I never got anything from the government except a Tax Credit to apply to a % of my childcare bills which are high since I work fulltime. I would prefer time rather than money. Time to read alone, watch a movie by myself and really just to breathe without a sound coming from anyone.

I hope you find inner peace. I can sympathize with you because I am going through the same thing. For your inner peace and sanity just do it - entrust them with someone for a day and go home and take a bubble bath, or go to a movie, or read a book etc. If you die tomorrow from high blood pressure or stroke - guess what they will be with someone else and there will be nothing that you can do about it. At least now you can come back to them after your break.

Have you looked into respite care - is that available in the US. It cost money again to that though. I wish I was near you. Your son stimming - does he go to school, can you get an OT through school-probably a long waiting list though-i had to go through that for both my kids. What have you tried in terms of therapy or diet?

And to all the dad questions - this is what i mean about people not understanding - Autsitic kids have a tool and thats usually mom for everything - most tired dads only understand one thing - discipline and go meet mom. some children with Autism are not easy to discipline because they just don't get other people and things do not have the same meaning to them.

Mom you sound like where I was six weeks ago... trust me you need time to relax, relate and release. You can email me if you want to talk - sometime sit helps when someone understands you adn what you are going through. My son is like having an extra child - sometimes I feel like i have 3 kids instead.

Does he have sensory issues and issues with food? because I can imagine what a day is like for you. Take time. Find time.

Answer 2

Sweetie, I know how you feel. I have 2 ADHD boys and a sassy daughter. Trying to cram in a whole day's worth of chores and quality time after work is tough and it's very frustrating. You didn't mention the kids' father, so I'm assuming he's not much help either. There are days my husband is the same way, so I know how frustrating that can be too.

Sounds to me like you are depressed. Even if you don't feel "sad", the constant worry and daily stress is taking a toll on you physically and mentally. Talk to your doctor about your options, and try to get a friend or other family member to sit with the kids for just a few hours and take some time for yourself. I know it's hard and it's natural to worry, but you have got to get away. Good luck!!

Just read what you said about Dad ~ he needs to give them better attention during the day. That's why they're so demanding of your time when you get home.

Answer 3

I can totally relate to the need to "get away". The fact that you have a child with Autism, I'm sure stresses you out. You are human and I think it's normal to want time to yourself.

I have 4 children, 3 are under 3. They are 2 yrs and 5 month old twins. Life can get stressful when everything falls on your shoulders. You really need to maybe take a day off, I hope you have some paid holidays or sick days available. Talk to your husband, tell him you are really stressed out and it you don't get a little time to yourself, you might explode.

If you are not happy, your children won't be either. There has to be someone you can trust with your children for a few hours. I wish I knew you, I would watch them for you, if you let me, you need a little break. Try to maybe relax in the tub and tell people not to bother you. Take a walk alone and collect your thoughts. It's little things like that the help you slowly gain your sanity back. Even just writing about how you feel can help. Feel free to contact me if you like.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

If you could just walk around the block in the evenings, that may help some. Can you push the kids in a wagon or have them ride their bikes while you are walking? Just 30 - 60 min could help. I would also try to get the dad to help if he's around. You could also take them on a picnic or set up a blanket outside your house. Get them out the house to release some energy. Seems like you all could use some time outside doing some sort of activity. You can do this after work as well. They will probably sleep better as well. Hope this works. Good Luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

It sounds like you both have very full plates. Is there any way you could trim down your bills? All that working sounds exhausting. It might be a good idea to get a Doctor's appointment to check for things like anemia or depression. I'm a stay at home Mom with a husband in Iraq right now. So it does get busy, but at least they go to school. Does your husband do anything besides work? If he is home all day, he could at least throw in a load of dishes or laundry when he's taking a pee break from working. Could you get your kids to chip in and help any? Is there a playground you could take them to and just watch them play without having to get up and chase/ fuss every few minutes?
But yes, raising children is an exhausting, thankless task. Sometimes I get a thank you (like after dessert) or a big hug (usually when they just got fussed at). But most of the time, its chasing kids and picking up behind them. I do have my kids clean their own rooms. The eldest walks our dog for me. But I have had a few breakdowns (when the 3rd was an infant). It is exhausting, and if you never get a break, eventually YOU'LL break. So get your husband to watch them for you while you go somewhere for a few hours. Or just snuggle with him after they go to bed. The more he shares in the chores/ kids, the easier it will be on both of you.

Answer 6

I think all mothers feel this way at one time or another. I also believe that all moms deserve a vaction at least once a year. If you could afford a babysitter for your kids just one day then you could do whatever you wanted for that day. Being a mother is hard work no matter how men feel about it. My sister is the mother of 5 and once a month her and I get together, leave the kids with their dads and do something. Anything. Just to get out and chill without screaming kids. Its refreshing.

Answer 7

Maybe you can talk to mom(or a friend) and see if she could take one at a time over night for a weekend,like one E/O W/end or check your library C if they have a childrens reading Hr. for UR youngest. I didn't work but was w/my 2 24/7. WHERES the dad??? HIS family can't help?? check your community maybe they have a single parents group you could join. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 8

i have 4 children and i am a stay at home mom i do everything while the only thing my husband does is work and sit on the computer but i love my family and dont mind doing my motherly job if i minded i wouldnt have had my kids

Answer 9

i feel for you! same thing happens to me. i say you need help with the house work. have the kids pitch in. even little ones can help. also you sound very overwhelmed. maby working full time is too much! i know it is for me and i have a speacil needs child. good luck! try to relax, take a hot bath, listen to your favorite cd,just take deep breaths and pray alot. things will get better!

Answer 10

You need to slow down a little get your thing organize.