She is twenty six and their divorce was over a year ago. She is waiting to move because they own their home together and are selling the property. He also had a child behind her back and the kid lives with them too. She feels bad for him and tries to take care of him. Sometimes she acts like she is his mother. She says she wants to leave but is waiting for the settlement becuase she can not afford to move otherwise. I asked her to live with me but she said she wants to wait until she knows we are for sure, like getting engaged. I do not think she is cheating, he put her through hell and I know she hates him. It just drives me crazy because everytime I call I hear the kid in the background and her ex. She is a very compassionate person, sometimes too much. She can be too forgiving. I am taking her overseas to meet my family. What do I tell my father, she lives with her ex husband and his kid? What should I be worried about?
2006-06-07 02:37:52 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Bad idea to date her.
You need to be totally honest with your dad. ((Why wouldn't you be? Because they are going to tell you exactly what I'm telling you and you don't want to hear it? When you tell mom and dad about this chick, tell them the truth, then listen to them. Your parents have your best intrest at heart! You can either learn the easy way or the hard way. Choose wisely.)) Never lie to mom an dad about something silly. Why would you do that? It'll ruin your relationship with them. They are only trying to save you grief. Be an adult and answer all of their questions honestly.
I think she has too much baggage and this is going to present it's self as a HUGE problem in your relationship later on.
I think you need to ditch her and find someone else. However if you want to stay with her, you need to find out if she's really divorced. If you are really considering marrying her I would have a Private Investigator follow her.
It's a HORRIBLE idea to jump out of one marriage into the next. She might be using you as a 'rebound'. I also want you to consider that you're only hearing her side of the story...she might have contributed to demise of the last marriage.
I'm wondering if the husband even knows if she's talking to you. I think you should speak with him and find out why they divorced. What can it hurt? Or get your PI to get the divorce papers.
Who gets the kid? Are you ready to father a kid that's not yours? You'll forever have ties to the ex....
I just think it's way too much baggage. The likelyhood that this marriage will last is NOT good. Statistically speaking once a person has had a divorce, they are more likely to have another.
I think you can find someone else....I think you are going to make the biggest mistake of your life if you continue this...
My bet is that he's sick of the way she nags him and that's the cause of the divorce...So why would you want his leftovers?
2006-06-07 02:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by Corn_Flake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good gracious that is a lot of information. If you love her, and trust her, then wait until the divorce is settled and let it go from there. I know it's hard, and eventually she needs to compromise. I think she is jumping into things by wanting to be engaged to you so soon. Maybe you should live together first and then become engaged. It's all about how you both feel. I would leave out the details of her living arrangements when you take her home to meet your father, but if he asks, you have to tell the truth. I am sure this will all be over soon and in a year you will be settled into a wonderful relationship without all the drama. Good Luck!
2006-06-07 02:42:38 · answer #2 · answered by carolinayaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you are concerned. Her ex is obviously a douch bag. She seems to only be there for financial reasons. Maybe she does not trust that she will get her share of the settlement. She is comfortable on the phone in front of her ex then obvioulsy he knows about you. If she is even thinking about marrige then she must really have feelings for you. You also said she is twenty six she was probably too young the first time she got married.
What I see is a young compassionate woman who really loves you, enough to say lets not live together unless it is right. She does not want to get hurt jumping into things. Ask her to move somewhere else on the cheap like a roomate until she gets her finances in order. You for sure love her enough to care about her situation. I really hope things work out for the two of you.
2006-06-07 04:26:54 · answer #3 · answered by Yisrael Chai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very concerned
Worst case scenario is that she still loves her ex and she's just using you.
(Ex is giving her the bizness everynight)
Best case scenario she loves you but she's afraid and hesistant becuase of her last relationship.
Either way I agree with the person that said that she's simply carrying too much baggage, and you relationship will probably not work out
I'd find a way to leave her now and spare yourself much suffering in the future
2006-06-07 04:38:36 · answer #4 · answered by GNOSIS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally ...umm I think shes playing you like a fool you need to have a long sit down with her and lay it on the line either she wants to start a "Brand New Life" with you or she wants to hold on to the past, but she can't have it both ways.. you see the way it is going now you must put your life on hold and this is not fair to you!(you seem like a really nice guy).
After your sit down and you explain your feelings to her and shes If she's not willing to walk away from her EX now and forget the past and all the Excuses because that's what they are...trust me! Then I'd say cut the ties and move on YOU DESERVE IT!
You deserve a life without all the drama!
2006-06-07 03:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by mygirl971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went throught a similar situation. I decided to leave my husband but lived in the house for a few months....I couldnt afford to move out either without the settlement....I have also been told that I am too nice to him with everything he has done...just be patient with her....trust her....their is no relationship without trust....I can also understand her not moving in with you....she just doesn't want to make any more mistakes....As for your father...why do you need to mention where she lives....All he needs to know is that you care about her...give him the details he needs (her living situation is not one of them)....Good Luck to you....
2006-06-07 02:46:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude what are you doing letting her live with this man and his kid.
that just doesn't seem right. look many people live together when
thier not sure if they are for sure about each other. set your gurl
friend down and tell her how you feel about her living with her ex,
I mean after all the true thing that holds a relationship together is honesty. good luck with everything.
2006-06-07 02:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely nothing becoz she wud hav had enough from her ex & ie y she had a divorse with him. But regarding wht to tell to your parents, its a real concern. they wont like her gesture that she is living with her ex. wait till the settlement is done to take her to your parents. By the way wht is her nationality.. a filipino????
2006-06-07 02:42:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1. dont lie to your family and 2. i would leave her i see red flags everywhere. she acts like her exs mom well dont you think shell do it to you? and you know after awhile it will be old. and she doesnt want to move in with you well to be out right and honest shes not over her ex. dont put yourself through it.
2006-06-07 02:43:54 · answer #9 · answered by ialienmoon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is putting her through hell then maybe she should leave him. Sometimes people don't realize, that when yuo are stressing and goin through alot is can really bring you down. It may be in best interests for her to leave.
2006-06-07 02:43:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tierra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋