For the last year and a half, I've noticed that my fiance is not as touchy-feelly with me as he used to be. It seems to have gotten worse since my diagnosis last November and our engagement as of February. I've confronted him about it, telling him how I feel, and I think he gets it, but he still has not made any moves to fix the issue.
I know sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but I'm really beginning to feel like the intimacy is lost with us. And I don't want to go into a marriage already having intimacy issues.
2006-06-07 02:37:34 · 16 answers · asked by Cheena 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I have rheumatoid arthritis and I'm only 28. The medications I take have made me gain 30lbs.
2006-06-07 02:46:21 · update #1
it happens when you go onto another level of love. You do still have love don't you?.......................
2006-06-14 11:14:48 · answer #1 · answered by sarell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many things could be the problem here. Sex could be boring, most of the time people have sex in that fravorite position, which will end up being the only position. Probably he has a hang up, if we have sex she may be in pain, or is she feeling good today, after a while it may seem safer to him not to have sex. Probably you need to change your look time and again, try to wear sexy clothes but, DONT make it obvious like wearing a teddy, something like a baby doll dress or short skirt, look sexy, dont say you want sex cause that would be a turn off. No man likes to see the thick robe, bunny slippers, rollers in the hair, mask or bed spread undies all the time, i'm not saying you are the problem i'm simply suggesting ways to make him want you more. what ever it is you need to fix it NOW, because it will get worse after you are married. As for the weight you really need to watch that
2006-06-07 10:10:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe and unfortunately the problem is that you have gained 30 pounds while taking you medicine, maybe he can't handle that. maybe he is afraid of trying anything not knowing if he will cause you pain. has he spoken to your doctor? is he willing to open up to you with a better approach? will he just walk away not knowing what to say not wanting to hurt your feelings. men are sensitive and secretive creatures in life some of them actually think that they will be less a man if they express feelings of any kind. some just don't know how to express themselves period. maybe if you find the right time approach him with honey I know something must be bothering you because we don't have the same intimacy we used to? you won't even touch me anymore? can you tell me why and help me understand I will listen to your concerns if you have any. I will try to understand what you are saying. then don't interupt him as he talks let him get whatever it is off his chest and then try to relate your feeling too. you might find he is just what I said here. ask your doctor if there are any other types of medicines you can take? that won't cause you so much weight gain. I am sorry to hear that you have this type of painful thing going on in you life right now. remember to do as you doctor says. also ask about exercise if you can that might help with the weight gain maybe you can turn that into a plus for you. hopefully you can resolve this for the better.
2006-06-18 22:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by inquiringmindswannaknow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is not everything. If he cant be affectionate to you because of some diagnosis theres something wrong with him. Does it hurt you or do you feel pain while having sex? Just sit down and talk to him, communication is the most important thing in a relationship, if you cant communicate, you cant do anything. Good Luck.
2006-06-20 08:27:32 · answer #4 · answered by mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right - the most important thing in a relationship isn't sex - it's communication. Instead of telling him how you feel and waiting for him to take action, take the initiative to plan a night or weekend away. Maybe a jacuzzi suite at a nice hotel. Tell him you'd like some quality alone time with him and what you have planned and see how he responds... sometimes you have to create an opportunity for them!!
2006-06-16 15:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by Jane D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it has nothing to do with you. Perhaps he has a low sex drive that in the begining is there for awhile and fizzles out. If that is the case it has nothing to do with not being attracted to you. It could just be the way he is. Talk to him and perhaps wait a little longer before getting married.
If he has a low sex drive it will be up to you deal with it or not. Being pushy about sex is a turn off and acting insecure and doubting his love for you his a turn off. He may not have the answers. He may not even understand what is going on with him. Good luck
2006-06-18 18:48:44 · answer #6 · answered by Peanut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR HUSBAND MAY ALREADY BE FEELING LIKE HE'S IN HIS COMFORT ZONE.ONCE WE GET MARRIED MOST OF THE TIME AS A SOCIETY WE TEND TO BECOME CONTENT WITH OURSELVES AND OUR MATES AS WELL AS COMPLACENT.IN OTHER WORDS THE "HUNT IS OVER". AS FOR YOUR DIAGNOSIS,YOU MAY BE SAYING NO WHEN HE'S THINKING YES. YOUR CORRECT WHEN YOU SAY THAT SEX ISN'T THE ONLY PART OF A RELATIONSHIP BUT.......IT IS A KEY PART.WE MUST REMEMBER THAT INTIMACY AND COMMUNICATION ARE KEY IN A RELATIONSHIP.TRY HAVING SPECIAL EVENINGS WHEN YOU AREN'T IN PAIN. THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER SEXUAL PLEASURES OTHER THAN INTERCOURSE THAT THE TWO OF YOU CAN ENGAGE IN. CONTINUE TO TRY AND TALK TO YOUR FIANCE' TO GET HIM TO OPEN UP.LET HIM KNOW THAT YOUR NOT NAGGING BUT YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE DIRECTION THAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS TAKEN.HOPEFULLY SOONER OR LATER HE'LL COME AROUND.
2006-06-20 01:47:34 · answer #7 · answered by MRLETSB4REAL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what it is like to have rheumatoid i do not take meds for this you can ask your doctor about physical therepy in a pool that will help your joints and to loose wait your fiance maybe affraid that he will hurt you or break something let him know that this is not true take him to the docs. with you and have him explain that you can have a normal sex life if that dont work try the kama sutra books and try new positions they even have sections for this type of problem.
2006-06-20 16:44:43 · answer #8 · answered by shelly f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try pre marital counseling. discuss all the feelings and issues you may have. You need to work out all the problems before you work out the vows. This way you both know what you are getting into and the small stuff will be out of the way, leaving the way clear for a long happy marriage.
2006-06-07 14:52:13 · answer #9 · answered by Nena_555 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well why dont you try to lose the 30 pounds but do it in a slinky bikini infront of him or while he is watching tele. If this does not turn him on then there are other ways of spicing your life up. Try anything you want to.
2006-06-21 06:53:15 · answer #10 · answered by scarlet pimpernell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say what your diagnosis is? Maybe that's the problem, but no one else is in your position to figure it out. If he has changed that much, you need to work it out before you are married.
2006-06-07 09:43:40 · answer #11 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋