my three year old started hitting people when he is mad how should i stop this?

Question

i have a three year old and here lately he has been hitting people when he is mad. what is the best was to put a stop the hitting?
with out being to mean about it?

Answer 1

As soon as you see him hit someone, shut him out. Rush to the person who has been hit and empathize A LOT. "That must have hurt. You must be really (mad, upset, angry)." Give that person lots of attention. Your son will not like feeling left out. If he continues to hit, take him gently to an area away from the other person (his room) and say "When you are ready to be gentle then you can come out." The hurt person should tell him "I don't want to play with you if you are going to hit me."

When your son if calm, talk to him about a hitting incident. Empathize with him. "You must have been really (frustrated, upset, mad, angry, felt left out, hurt...)" This will help him to learn to express himself rather than lash out. Good luck!

Answer 2

Never hit back. I'm not saying you do, just that spanking a child while you're preaching 'do not hit' is contradictory at best. Your son needs to know more acceptable ways to show anger/frustration. This is a normal growing process and most 3 year olds hit out of anger/frustration.

When he hits, go down to his level and tell him, no, we do not hit. Are you angry? If you are angry tell me, I am angry because...and give some examples. The trick here is for YOU to do the same thing. If he upsets you then you don't raise your voice or anything, you act just as you would like him to, use words. It will take some time because at 3 he needs help identifying his emotions. Validate him when he says he's angry and always find out why. This will help you both with your communication as well, as it will give you a chance to explain to him why things are the way they are, "I understand you are angry. Mommy put your toy away because it is time to clean up for bed. We will play with the toy tomorrow." along those lines...

Let him put a name and reason to his feelings and he will soon learn how to deal with them.

Answer 3

You can't solve this issue by being passive about it. I saw an episode of "Yes Dear" where the kid kept beating up smaller kids. The parents got a bigger kid to hit him so he would know what it was like. Granted, this was a fictional t.v. show but sometimes people have to empathize before they can understand why their actions are wrong. Maybe your child is hitting because he is having an emotional problem that he doesn't know how to deal with. You should talk to him and find out what's bugging him before he graduates to torturing small animals. That is the first step in becoming a serial killer.

Answer 4

I think just make sure you're not hitting him during discipline.. Children learn from their parents, when they're upset they hit -- just as parents spank kids when they're upset..Make sure you don't spank him and tell him not to hit - "do as i say, not as I do" doesn't work at this age.

If you can sternly tell him that hurts people when we hit -- we don't hit you, so there's no need to hit others -- you can express through words when something bothers you -- also, I have found consequences to be highly effective. Take away something he loves most -- his daily tv show, his favorite toy, his sweet snack for the day, etc... They quickly learn that bad behavior doesn't get rewarded, and we don't get good things if we aren't good.

Best of luck in the 3 year old department!

Answer 5

Being passive about his hitting isn't going to solve anything. If anything, it's going to reinforce that being a bully allows him to get his way. Firmly correct him verbally and if necessary, hold his arms to his side. Get down to his level and look him in the eyes and remind him that hitting is not acceptable and make him apologize to the party he struck.

If that fails, you may have to try more drastic measures. I had the same issue with our middle child and I finally turned around and hit her open handed on the butt (not hard but enough to get her attention). When she told me that she didn't like it, I asked her how she thought the person felt that she hit. She never struck out at anyone again.

If the behavior persists, you may want to speak with your pediatrician. Most kids will get the idea that hitting is not acceptable under any circumstances.

Answer 6

Timeouts...If the problem still persists,give him a slap on the hand and a timeout, start taking away things the he likes everytime, like tv, toys, junkfood, playtime and make him go to bed earlier as a punishment... My friend uses a point system with her boy. Here how it works, before hand make out a chart of things he likes to do, stay up 20 mins later, a fav. movie, going to the movies etc. Now consider how many points he should have to earn for each benefit. Some may be 10 points others 30.Dont go to high as it can be discouraging. Now everytime he is good, mark him for A SINGLE point. When he is bad start taking away points. Example, you tell him after he has acted up to come to you and he doesnt, take away a point and tell him "you just lost a pt." If he keeps it up, keep taking away points, but be sure to reward him when he does want to "cash in" his points. Remeber once he uses his points, they get subtracted.

Answer 7

I remember being told by my mom that if I was hitting or stuff like that she put me in time out. If I didn't stay there, I was held there the whole time. I really don't remember it.

When I was 13, I hit my mom once. I don't think I could have sit on a time out chair when she was done with me.

Answer 8

I have a three yr old foster child who does the same thing! He knows as soon as he does it, we put him in time out and then tell him that we don't hit him and he is NOT to hit others...and then he has to hug and appologize to who ever he hit...it's not as frequent anymore...he still does it, but not nearly as much.

Answer 9

Well I would 1st Start with a time out for starters. the next time he does it say "No!" then put him or her in a corner for 5 -10 min or so or how ever much you see fit. If that doesn't work after a while try giving him a little slap on the hand or butt Plus a time out

Answer 10

explain to him, and yes he can understand, that hitting can and will get him in trouble when he is older so he needs to stop being mean .if that don't work, talk to a therapist and get his/her opinion