I the maid of honor for a bride whom I barely know. I thought it would be fun, but as I get to know her, I find I do not like her. She is possessive over me with other female friends, she puts my hubby and I down in front of others by telling them we have "issues" and that her relationship of four months is much more solid, and the other night she lifted up my skirt in front of a barroom while I was shooting darts. I was wearing a thong and totally embarressed even though they were all women. Last night she called me at 1:30AM to ***** about something that happened with her daughter. I told her unless she was dying, do not call me at that time again. I want to get out of the duties of being a maid of honor because I don't want to be associated with this person but am afraid I will cause a bunch of drama. I am a yankee in a small southern town. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings and creating drama? She is totally unstable and I really don't know what she will do.
2006-06-07 02:15:17 · 21 answers · asked by Doodlebug 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
We are both not from here, so she asked me. We used to work together and I thought she was fine. However, her work ethic is completely different then her personal ethic it seems. Also, she told me that this would be a small wedding with no reception or bridal party. Now it has turned into this huge ordeal. Its her second wedding. I am at the point were I want to refuse going to the bridal party. I am not sure it is worth it.
2006-06-07 02:16:39 · update #1
Once again, we are both new here and do not know anyone. That is why she asked me. Also, it sounded like no big deal, but has turned into a huge thing... THAT is why she asked me and I accepted.
2006-06-07 02:25:22 · update #2
I tried to talk to her about it and she totally denied it, like none of this behavior never happened. She went so far as to say, "Oh honey, I would never do something like that." WHAT??? I am losing my patience. The wedding is September 3.
2006-06-07 02:34:39 · update #3
I would avoid her and keep out of site, but still be in the wedding. After that, dump her as a friend. She is obviously VERY immature and if you aren't enjoying it, or her company, why keep her as a friend?
2006-06-07 08:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I find it odd that you are the maid of honor for someone you barely know. However, since you have agreed to do this, and now you are not comfortable and don't want to do it then you need to sit her down, and have a serious talk with her. Let her know that what she is doing to you is hurting you. If she is really your friend she will stop. Also, if she is new in town she may think the only way to get attention is to act the way that she is. Ask her why she is acting like that and see if you can help her.
I believe it is always best if you can try to help the person upsetting you. Plus she could be supper stressed over the wedding. Maybe she is not sure about getting married so quickly. You said her relationship is only 4 months old. Which in my opinion is not long enough to get to know anyone well enough to marry them.
If you can't help her and she continues to act that way then you should gracefully tell her that you are sorry but you will not be able to be in the wedding after all.
Hope this helps.
2006-06-07 02:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by wvhoneycat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely get out. It's not doing any good for her or you to be in a position that you don't want. She should be treating her maid of honor a lot better. You say you barely know her.. apparently people who better know her didn't want to be her maid of honor for reasons probably similar to the ones you've listed. Just tell her that you think it would be better for all involved if she found a new maid of honor. Speak to her about it in private or with a small group; that will keep the amount of drama down. Unfortunately, you probably will get drama with her, but you'll be happier in the end getting out. Doing it sooner rather than later is also better, so she'll have more time to figure things out. Best of luck!
2006-06-07 02:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by Tibby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by bringing it to her attention and she still feels like she hasn't done anything wrong. Tell her that you don't enjoy being around her and that you are having second thoughts about being her maid of honor. If she still doesn't change, then feel free to step down. Of course this will cause some drama, but what else can you do? If you want out, do it soon, so she has time to burden, I mean find someone else.
2006-06-08 09:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by jack russell girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out, now. You don't much like her, you find her annoying, and from the sound of it she doesn't much like you, either. A wedding should be a happy time for the bride, even if the bride is wacko...and you going through with this won't make either of you happy. You can be honest and tell her that you just don't think the two of you get along well, and won't be good friends...or you can make up some excuse. Up to you :) But pass on it -- you're under no obligation to do something that's volutary and is supposed to be a show of support for the bride when you don't even like her!
2006-06-07 02:21:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How far off is the wedding? If it is close, then I say go ahead and do it, for two reasons; #1 You won't have to put up with it for too much longer. #2 Where ever will she find a replacement on short notice?
If it is not in the near future, explain that she hurts your feelings and embarasses you and tell here you're not going to be able to be her matron of honor if she continues with her behavior. You never know, she may not have realized that her actions were effecting so much.
Good Luck!!
2006-06-07 02:28:44 · answer #6 · answered by MissHelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you back out it will cause drama, understand that. It will probably end your friendship. On the otherhand it sounds like the friendship is on the way out anyway. I am a firm believer of "standing in the truth". If you can't stand beside her as her good friend and support her marraige, you might want to back out. I don't know what you can tell her other than you just don't feel comfortable in such a large wedding and it is causing you a lot of stress. That is my two cents.
2006-06-07 02:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by N2theFaith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fake a terminal illness that will prevent you from your duties as maid of honor... immediately after the wedding, undergo some miraculous "cure" and jump right back into the thick of things.
Otherwise, you're going to have to tell this bossy cow off.
Probably'll be the kiss o' Death for your friendship, but from the sounds of it, it's not really a good one anyway.
2006-06-07 02:19:43 · answer #8 · answered by J.D. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you back out now you can bet there will be hard feelings.
If you truly can not bear to be in the wedding you simply tell the bride that do not feel comfortable being in the wedding party and you wanted her to know with enough time to find a suitable replacement.
2006-06-07 02:21:22 · answer #9 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for me to say this but my suggestion would be to tell her that you are having second thoughts about the wedding because of her attitude. When you tell her and she wants to get into specifics don't take the bait. Instead, say that you are making it difficult for me to feel a part of your wedding ceremony and if you can find a better way to act around me I'd appreciate it. Whether you want to participate after that is totally up to you.
2006-06-07 02:22:30 · answer #10 · answered by Awesome Bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually, the maid of honor is someone who is close to the bride. Maybe she has alienated all of those people by her behavior. Get out before it's too late. Nobody needs extra drama!
2006-06-07 02:19:56 · answer #11 · answered by older hippie chick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋