C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes??You're laughing, aren't you??}?

Question

WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know.... .it never happened yet)


And my personal favorite:

WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Answer 1

Pretty good.

I am a male and this isn't a blonde joke, but I thought you might appreciate this anyway.


Rules of Manhood

1 Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2 It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. When Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. 1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth

3 Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4 Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5 If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6 Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines it stops, not the weakest.

9 When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11 It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and
it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.

12 Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13 Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14 Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.

15 If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16 Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19 If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20 Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21 Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22 Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23 Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24 The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

25 It is acceptable for you to drive her car.
It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26 Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
End of story.

28 There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

Answer 2

Sooo You like men jokes

Men are like ... Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are
Men are like ... Weather
Nothing can be done to change them
Men are like ... Blenders
You need one, but you're not quite sure why
Men are like ... Chocolate bars
Sweet, smooth and they usually head straight for your hips
Men are like ... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you awake all night
Men are like ... Commercials
You can't believe a word they say
Men are like ... Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong
Men are like ... Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion
Men are like ... Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while
Men are like ... Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright
Men are like ... Government bonds
They take so long to mature

Answer 3

Very nice.

I'd just like to know why women snore when they sleep on their backs now. Men have an excuse..... Ha Ha

Answer 4

Nice ones

Answer 5

awesome jokes haha check ya later ♥

Answer 6

Clyde, r u a blonde ?
i am a man and i am not seeing it funny

Answer 7

jokes are funny but these are just over used.

Answer 8

Ok, those were funny. I admit it.
But not in public.

Answer 9

Heh...okay, those were actually kind of funny.

Answer 10

i like the last one too!