my best friend best friend died this week may 30 th?

Question

during the day i feel okay..but at night i can't go to sleep he's always on my mind...and an other part is his girlfriend of 4 months she's jealous because i've known him for 15 years (i'm 20) and at his memorial service and reception well all our/my old friends were there and hugging me and saying their symphaties and all that.. but i think that was she more jealous about is that his parent asked me if i wanted to be the one his *Urne (in french) he was inciminated (don't know if that's how you say it?)i didn't say anything to her to respect my friend but now she just get on my nerves..when i talk to she still talk about how his father wanted me there bla bla bla

Answer 1

maggie, i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I recently lost a friend as well. He was a neighbor and was always there. If i needed anything all I had to do was ask. He and his "lady friend" and her 2 children also became friends. When his family came out to be with him in the hospital they acted very nice and loving to us all, but the moment he died, we were no longer existing to them. They asked for an autopsy and said they would cremate him after and take his ashes to his favorite lake. It has been almost 8 weeks now and we, his friends and his sister who lives nearby, have heard nothing from his daughters even after numerous emails and phone calls. Death does strange things to people. And often brings out spite and greed. And others, like yourself, are grieving and hurt; and like his parents so generous in offering you your friends urn. What a marvelous "gift".
You will never get over losing your friend, but, eventually he will take a special little room in your heart and you will remember all the times good and bad that you shared and you will be able to talk about him w/ laughter and fewer tears. But you will always miss him. I miss my mother who passed away almost 30yrs ago and still want to call her sometimes to share something good or get her support. It is the same for other's I have lost and I thank the good Lord for allowing them to have been a part of my life for the time that He did.
I don't think there is anything you can say or do to appease his girlfriend. She will come to on her own, hopefully. But, it may take time and it may never happen. Just remember that she is grieving too, in her own way. And when you happen to meet her anywhere greet her as you would like to be greeted and ask how she is.
After my friend's recent death part of my grieving was shopping!! I binged on Ebay!! Now that his mobile home has been taken away (sold into Mexico) it is much easier looking out the window and not seeing it there. A new one will be moved in soon and that will be even better. But, I have stopped weeping at the drop of a hat and even went through a stage of being angry at him for leaving us. It is all the normal process!! I am even grateful in a way that he died so quickly and peacefully during this recent hospitalization because he had become so weak and so in pain. (He had multiple problems.) And one could see how he had aged in just the last year.
I hope your friend had that blessing as well, although, I know it is difficult for you and extra difficult for his parents. Losing a child is not the "natural order of things". My sister lost a son 8 yrs ago. I cannot imagine how much she hurt. I know how much I was hurting and her pain (and her ex's pain) must have been crushing! But, with the Grace of God she is coping very well and has been a strong support to others who love and miss him!
When you are sleepless, talk to him! Tell him about your day, about his family and how much you miss him. Do something in his name during the day. Envisage him in the old places you used to haunt. And if you don't want to keep the urn and the family doesn't mind, scatter all or part of it in one or more of his favorite places.
I've rambled enuf.
God Bless You, Maggie and your friend and his family!
BigSis

Answer 2

Im going to tell you this right now. Someone died. The last thing ANYONE needs to hear who was jealous or this at that. My question for you is why are you worried about her? Who cares. If everyone gave her attention and not you, would you be upset? Probaly not. Just take life one day at a time and dont worry about others lives. It will be the best for you.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about your friend but his girlfriend needs to back off. You've been friends with him for 15 years. Clearly you meant a lot to him. His parents probably just don't know what to think of the girl since they were only together for 4 months. If I were you, I wouldn't concern myself with her. She obviously has her priorities mixed up.

Answer 4

Losing a friend is never easy. I still miss my friend whom died 4 years ago.
As for your friend's girlfriend, I don't think that the jealousy is for the fact that the family turned to you but rather the fact that you had the opportunity to know him better.
She might just find it easier to refer to his family rather than to him.
I don't know what your relationship with her was like before your friend died but if was a good or almost close relationship I think you must rather honour your friend's memory and try to get past the jealousy.

Answer 5

well,i guess you could just ignore her. Maybe she is just insecured with the closeness that you have with your bestfriends family. Anyway,you can treat her as friend but if she will still ignore you then do the same to her..nothing will be lost anyway...

Answer 6

that is a horrible feeling my bf died when i was 15 she was hit by a drunk driver, what i learned is that time heals all pain it will still hurt but you will learn to live and move on,seek someone to talk to it will be good for you good luck

Answer 7

Really just ignore her she is really jealous as I can read. Also it is sad losing a friend and you can take it really hard.Sorry about it.

Answer 8

I think people react to grief in different ways...that may have been hers. Doesn't excuse it but maybe explains it. I'm sorry for your loss...let yourself grieve, k?

Answer 9

ditto with first answer. life goes on, get over it

Answer 10

well, just ignore her, you just do your part as his friend, no need to think too much