Anger over suicide attempt??

Question

Recently, a 40 y/o mother of 2 in my family took a near fatal overdose. Later she asked my sister who she depends on and respects if she was angry at her for attempting. I feel that my sister should give her an emphatic YES, but she is afraid she will worsen her condition. Opinions?

More details: My sister & I are well-acquainted with depression. We have both been in treatment throughout our adult lives. We've both attempted suicide. For the past 3+ years I have done peer-2-peer counseling with people diganosed with borderline PD. I deal with a LOT of depressed & self-destructive people.
I also had my best friend take a fatal overdose in Nov. '05 and if he was able to ask me if I was mad, I would tell him HELL YES! And all the many others who loved him would say the same.
We have done everything imaginable for this girl. Including babysit her while her husband and kids were away. But we couldn't put our lives on 'stop' forever to sit with her. She refused to leave her house, but we have our own household to care for. We encouraged her to go places with us, we took her to appointments, we tried to get her to join online support groups. All the things that we've used on ourselves, all to no avail.
She may have been pushed to this by a med change.

Answer 1

Well obviously the way these people are isn't working!

I would do the opposite of the status quo and express the ANGER, I agree with you.

This is a very serious situation! I would guard that person from themselves, if I truely cared for them. Guilt can turn deadly, so it's a delicate balance of using guilt as a weapon and killing them softly with guilt.

Perhaps she is mentally ill. However:

I think people who are crazy aren't THAT crazy, I mean, she's sane enough to be normal sometimes, then she's sane enough to deal with the emotions of others sometimes, such as the anger as a reprecussion on her attempt at her own life.

Make sure she's not on any legal or hard illegal drugs. Get a psycho-therapist involved.

Marijuana might help her even though it is illegal in the United States, I'm a strong supporter of that for stressed out people. She should mellow out, and safely self medicate without any ill side effects, with a drug like marijuana. I know she will feel better.

I would also encourage good upbeat music and lots of love and attention, without making her feel like you are treating her differently. Sunrises and vistas also help. Avoid dark, serious moment. Avoid dark rainy days, with distracting activities.

Don't lie to her about your anger, or anyone else for that matter. However Sometimes there is a time for a white lie.

Answer 2

I think you and your sister should both read a bit about depression to get an idea of what it is that makes people attempt suicide. Being angry at her for trying won't do anyone any good. She is ill and needs help to get through her illness. Expressing anger over this would only make her feel worse.

The best you can do is to talk to that woman and try to get her to seek professional help for her depression, and then support her and let her feel that people care about her. She can be cured, but the first step is to acknowledge the illness.

There's a lot of information on the internet about depression and I think it would do you and other family members good to read it to better understand what's going on with this woman.

Here are some links to information about depression:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depression.cfm#ptdep1

http://www.emedicine.com/emerg/topic129.htm

http://www.diseasesexplained.com/

Answer 3

Saying yes would only satify a persons outrage, not help that other person. Yes it is obsurd for a mother to leave her children behind, but that just means she IS mentally ill and being angry at a person for being ill, is just wrong. Not understanding how depression or metal illness works does not mean it doesn't exist or anyone has a right to judge. Just cause there is not cast or splint on her doesn't mean she is not ill. If a person wants to help or better this situation... venting ones irritation for anothers faults is just counter productive. Tell that person to get help.

Answer 4

Real happiness and peace can be ONLY found in submitting to the commands of the Creator and the Sustainer of this world. God has said in the Qur’an: (Truly, in remembering God do hearts find rest.)
(Qur’an, 13:28)

On the other hand, the one who turns away from the Qur’an will have a life of hardship in this world. God has said:
(But whoever turns away from the Qur’an, he will have a hard life, and We will raise him up blind on the Day of Judgment.) (Qur’an, 20:124)
This may explain why some people commit suicide while they enjoy the material comfort money can buy. For example, look at Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam), formerly a famous pop singer who used to earn sometimes more than $150,000 a night. After he converted to Islam, he found true happiness and peace, which he had not found in material success.
To read the stories of people who have converted to Islam, please visit

http://www.islam-guide.com/stories

At this web page, you can read the thoughts and feelings of these people, who are from different countries and have different backgrounds and levels of education.

Answer 5

Go for a "Yes, but I'm not angry at you; I'm angry at whatever it is that made you feel like this was your only recourse. What's on your mind?" And make sure she's prepared for the fact that it won't make much sense, or seem that bad.. but to that person it DOES make sense, and it IS that bad.

Been there, too.

Answer 6

Your sister should definitely tell her thet it is weak to try and kill oneself. This should be done firmly, but gently.Tell her how important she is to all of you and find out the reason for her attempt. Let her know that you are angry at her ONLY because you love her and need her.

Answer 7

well i think that after something like that, you/her sister/anybody should sit down and just listen to her problems and be sympathetic. it will take the burden off of the mother. yelling never works and will only make the condition worse

Answer 8

Be honest with her, darling. Don't lie to her. If she is angry, let her express that she is angry but also tell her how much she means to her.

Answer 9

Obviously this person is still seeking attention. She should tell her that she doesn't like her line of quesitoning and it makes her feel uncomforable.