My 28 year old has 2 beautiful children but seems to have this problem picking a mans love over the love of her children. She admits she sucks as a mother but doesnt seem to change her ways. She feels she has to have a man in her life wether he accepts the children or not. What can i do to help her realize that this affects the children?
2006-06-06 17:37:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
answer to the one question> her mother died when she was 12 years old and her real mother was a barfly and more interested in the party, scared to miss out and the girl had to fend for herself. this is something i dint think about and this could be where its all steming from, thanks for your opinion
2006-06-07 16:00:03 · update #1
You can't, that's exactly why my first wife is no longer around
2006-06-06 17:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Psychotherapy on your own daughter is probably not going to work.
Here's a blunt question: did you raise your daughter in similar conditions as she's raising her kids? In other words, is she repeating mistakes you made, or were you closer to the ideal family? If she's repeating your mistakes, then you could try a dramatic confession scene and maybe she'd be inspired to make better choices, or at least question her choices. It's a long shot, but much better odds than if you lectured her about how she should be more like you.
You'd also get better odds if a neutral party challenged her rather than a family member. You say she admits she sucks as a mother, so maybe she'd accept an offer of parenting class or counseling. It would be better if the offer came from a more distant relative or a friend so she'd perceive it as less of a criticism and more of an offer of help.
2006-06-07 03:38:01 · answer #2 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hiya..i have and still am goin through this with my sister....
she left her 2 kids to go away with this fella and didnt return for 3moths...just because HE wanted her too..they have since gotten married and its all about HIM...not her 2 gorgeous little girls(ages 3 and 6)i am currently goin through the correct legal channels to have leagal custody of the girls....
i dont personally think that people like that will ever change....and if they do it will be as and when they want to think about what they are doing......as u know its impossible to make anyone do anything...
Perhaps your daughter is just at a bit of a low point and its just like a mad 5 mins!!....
i have tried endless amounts of times to try and make my sister realise how rejected the girls were feeling but had no luck as she was and still is too wrapped up in herself...i gues all i would say is to try and support both ur daughter and the kids and be there for her...eventually she will wake up and think about what shes done etc...and she will definatly need support when she does.
have you ever said it outright to her how u feel the kids are being affected?its very awkward because when u say something about it ...the person involved cant see that they are doin wrong so really until she says 'ok yeh im a lousey mum and have no interest im not willing to change'
does she want to change?does she want the kids?
as u know parenting is hard so maybe suggest some kinda parenting classes to help her bond or something with the kids....
i really dont know what to say lol so im gonna take my backside off to look after the kids i have lol...(2yrs,3yrs,4yrs and then my sisters 3yr old and 6yr old)nightmare lol...but very rewarding
i really really hope all works out
take care
Charlie
2006-06-07 05:29:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the grim statistics.
A man who won't accept her children shouldn't be in her life!
Those children are suffering and will continue to unless she puts them first.
How sad that a lack of 'natural affection' is so common today. A sign of the times we live in.
Give those precious children an extra hug when you see them, which I hope is often...Remember, a Grandmother
is a warm, 'soft place' for such children
2006-06-07 00:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do, she is an adult and probably won't listen to you or anyone else. My little sister 23, and my oldest sister 34 are in the same situation as your daughter with some additional issues with the men they are with. My whole family has tried telling them that they deserve more but there is some comfort in the ciaos that the live in and they just stay.
The only thing I can tell you, if you are really concerned for your grandchildren you could try for guardianship; which is extreme, but if you feel you have to that may be the only way to save them.
Good luck to all of us dealing with those we love who are in the situation.
2006-06-07 01:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her self esteem must be extremely low to believe she always needs a man in her life. You need to be there for those kids and if they are being neglected, file for custody or get them in a foster home. Is she immature? Does she resent those children? Those children did not ask to be born, but here they are and they are being punished through no fault of their own. What a shame, children should be treated like princes and princesses.
2006-06-07 00:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by sweetiepie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
her problem is common. It's sad, but for some reason she must not have the confidence to live without a man. I'm sure she loves her children, but doesn't know how to stop following her emotions. If you have a chance, show her children love and always reassure them of thier mother's love. Whoever she is or whatever she is, She is their mother. They love her and don't need others to throw stones at the one they love unconditionally.
2006-06-07 00:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by Lucy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get those children outta there! I know how this can effect a kid in the long run because my mom picked guys over me most of my life. It will ruin the children's self esteem as they get older and they will question their worth. I'm dealing with my relationship with my mom right now and I'm almost 24. At least if you try to get them now, the damage won't be severe and you can make sure that they get the love they deserve. Its your duty as a grandmother to pick up the pieces. I know if I didn't have my grandmother, I would be lost.
2006-06-07 00:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by proudmommy1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is immature and selfish. It's very sad because it will affect her children. There is nothing you can do about it but be there for those poor kids. They are lucky to have you in their lives.
If men are coming and going in and out of their lives, they will have problems trusting people and forming good relationships, too. I just hope none of these characters is a child molester.
2006-06-07 00:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything about it. People don't usually change. If the children are mistreated or neglected then phone Childrens Services and have the children removed from the home.
2006-06-07 00:41:59 · answer #10 · answered by NightHowler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not control another person. She needs to see a councilor. If she doesn't, there is nothing you can do except spend as much time with the children as you can, and answer their questions. You can also be a good example for them and pray.
2006-06-07 00:48:48 · answer #11 · answered by Rhonda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋